first dialogue | text

[testifier]

I find this whole situation questionable for a multitude of reasons I won't divulge, so I'll spare the moronic queries and figure shit out myself.
Though I can't say I appreciate some apparent omniscient fuckers claiming to have saved my ass from impending doom only to lock me away in a tower.
I mean, someone has their lore all backwards right there.
Anyway, I digress.
I need to know the whereabouts of the following people as soon as possible: Roxy Lalonde, Jake English, Jane Crocker.
If you know where any of these people might be then drop me a line. Otherwise do a guy a favour and keep any useless trivia to yourself.

Comments

[plushaeusrumpified]

[Holy shit.

Of all the people Bro expected to see back, it wasn't Dirk. Of all the people to have given him mixed feelings on returning, it's definitely Dirk. On one hand, he's pretty goddamn happy to see him, all things considered. On the other? He's back in hell tower and he wouldn't wish that on anybody. So it's definitely a double edged sword here.]

holy shit.
didnt expect to see your mug back around here.
and by mug i mean eye searing orange text.
judging by the shit burning my eyes though it looks like you dont remember being here.
youll get used to temporal wibbly wobbly bullshit though.
anyway.
long time no see.
i guess i kinda missed you man.
sucks that youre back though.
ha.

[testifier]

Well, that sure was vague and unhelpful.
Who the hell are you, and what do you mean I'm "back"?

[plushaeusrumpified]

oh boy well thats a loaded question.
the aforementioned temporal shit comes into play.
youve been here before.
so thats what i fucking mean by youre back.
as for who i am?

you.
ish.
just, yknow.
cooler and with a hat.

[testifier]

For starters, I think I would remember being here before.
Like that would be one memorable experience for a metric fuckton of reasons.
Also I have plenty of hats. Just not to wear.
I mean, they're fucking awesome and all, but they'd muss up this stylized perfection I have going on.
And there is quite literally no one alive cooler than me so don't even start with that.

[plushaeusrumpified]

yeah well i never said this place made any sense did i?
and yeah blah blah the hair excuse.
you can have awesome hair and still wear a hat.
i manage it.
and im sorry but youre the second coolest.
im the first.
its just the simple fucking truth.
the sooner you accept it the sooner we can get on to more important things.
like being best bros and shit.

[testifier]

I have zero interest in being your friend.
Especially if you are actually me.
And the position of my best bro has fortunately already been filled.

[plushaeusrumpified]

[Oh.

Well that's kind of depressing.]

i see.
well then.
yeah if thats what you want.

[testifier]

Yeah.
So unless you have anything vaguely useful to add you can beat it.

[plushaeusrumpified]

[If you think he's actually going to leave you alone completely, you're dead wrong. As shitty as this feels, there's no way he's going to just avoid Dirk completely. You may not realize it, but he's got your back. This place is hell and you're gonna fucking need it.]

define useful.
because theres a fat load of shit i could tell you about this place.
like how no matter what theres not a single fucking thing you can do to stop yourself and anybody you like from dying.
about how it screws with you mentally and physically a few times a month.
how if you aint careful youll get your head eaten off by one of the hundreds of monsters that lurk in the dark.
which if youre lucky youll actually see coming.

then theres the admins.
batshit 1, batshit 2 and batshit 3.
each progressively worse.
shit there might be more idk.
i only really care about the batshittiest.
and by care i mean loathe with every fiber of my being.
like ruana and jason.
ones a cannibal and ones a fucking sadistic douchebag.
watch your back when theyre in charge.
not that it really matters.
cuz like i said if they wanna screw with you then they will.
so yeah.

useful enough for you?

[testifier]

If my friends really aren't here then it's just back to looking out for number one.
And I've lived my whole life avoiding monsters.
I'm not going to die now just because we're apparently caught up in some mad Saw shit.
So these batshit admins are the ones pulling the strings?