animus_network | [video/action]

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[video/action]

[Now this is unusual--the blonde man is on camera! Although it should be easy to figure out that whatever extenuating circumstances have driven him to this were not kind; unkempt, unshaven, blue eyes dead and glistening with tears, his appearance screams of a man in mourning who hasn't left his room for almost a week. And this is, indeed, the case.]

[A text apology would be the path of least resistance, but the last time he tried that people got angry at him, and he's sure that they're all angry enough with him as it is. He wants them to see how sorry he is, even if he's feeling too miserable to leave the first floor dorms. It's about all he can manage.]

[...If even that. Cameras have never agreed with Rick, and as he opens his mouth to try and speak, he realizes that they're certainly not going to be friendly with him now.]

--I-I--A-A-Ah--

[He closes his mouth and squeezes his eyes shut. Don't think about the fact that you're being filmed. Don't think about how everyone checking the terminals can watch your red face blubbering about your horrible mistakes. Which they are already judging you viciously for, by the way. Just ignore that for a minute. Right.]

...S-Some...s-s-s-something-- [Rick grinds on that first syllable a few more times through his teeth, falters, gives up.] --I-I m-m-mean--l-last--th--there--th--u-um--

[He can't do this. Rick swipes off his glasses and buries his face in his hand, taking several deep, long breaths. When he speaks again, his words are still muffled in his palm.]

...I-I've m-made...a m-m-mistake...

[The blonde man sits in front of the terminal for some time thereafter, as if he's going to try and continue, but when the words don't come he quickly reaches over and turns off the feed.]

[He doesn't stay to look at replies to his post--the idea of other people commenting on that embarrassing display almost makes him sick. Instead, he stumbles back to his quiet, dark room on the first floor and curls up in his bed.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[The reply comes several hours later.]

I won't ever blame you for this--and I won't force you to tell me what happened. This has caused you enough pain already.

If you want me to I'll tell you.

I've already told the people who're important to me.

And even if you weren't my friend you were involved. You deserve to know if you want to listen.

[Another long pause follows.]

If it means I can help you later on, and if you're willing to tell me...what makes you most comfortable?

Is there somewhere we can meet in private? I don't want to discuss it on the network.

[He doesn't want to discuss it at all, but... Rick does deserve to know, and perhaps it would help in the future.]

Probably...where works best for you?

[Because, knowing Rick's luck--and the fact that he's already had several others stop into his room before this--he'll be hunted down if he chooses any of his usual haunts that he thinks will be empty.]

My room’s empty right now. I’m in 4-16.

[Since the whole fiasco, Ryoji’s roommates had been avoiding him, so he doesn’t really worry about anyone walking in on their conversation.]

I'll be there soon. Thank you, Ryoji.

[It takes Rick a bit longer than it should to walk down to the fourth floor, but considering the general lethargy dragging down his limbs it's amazing he even managed to traverse the stairs. He hesitates even longer to knock on Ryoji's door, and even then he does so timidly, terrified of what he'll face on the other side.]

[It takes Ryoji some time to even get the courage to open the door for Rick, but he tries not to wait too long, in case Rick would find that rude. He forces a weak smile and makes a gesture into the room.]

Hey... come on in.

[He'll check around outside before closing the door, taking a seat on his bed, across from Rick.]

[Rick almost looks worse in person than he does on camera--which probably has something to do with the smell. A week in one's room does not a pleasant scent make. It doesn't help that the meetings he's had before this one have left his face puffy and wet. Room for other expressions is at a bit of a premium on his end.]

[He shuffles inside; too uncomfortable to take one of the other vacant beds, Rick slumps onto the floor instead. There is a long silence while the blonde man tries to collect himself.]

...I...s-sorry. I sh--should've...t-talked to you s-s-sooner.

[Ryoji doesn’t make a face at the smell. God knows he hasn’t had the energy to do much moving around and cleaning up, either. The tears get him to frown, but he can’t say he wasn’t expecting that. When Rick sits on the floor, though, that’s when he has to say something.]

Um, you can take one of the other beds. No one will mind…

And don’t apologize. I should have taken the time to explain to you before you got involved in this mess. I just… didn’t think it was important anymore, and that was a mistake. I’m sorry.

[Rick seems uncertain; he doesn't move to one of the beds until Ryoji has finished explaining himself, and even then he does so with great hesitation and a lot of nervous blushing. The blonde man plays with his hands while he thinks of the best way to answer, busy and anxious.]

...I d-d-don't know h-how you could. [He eventually settles for being confused.] I-I m-mean--e-e-explain what...w-well, it a-all h-h-happened so s-s-suddenly...that i-isn't y-your f-f-fault.

...I have a lot of experience explaining it now. I had to tell all my friends back in my world, and here too. Lancer and Diarmuid and Yukiko all know… but they’ve all helped me get over it. They told me I was more than that. And that’s why I didn’t mention it. I-It just wasn’t a part of me any longer.

[He looks down, displaying some of his own nervous habits as he ducks down into his scarf.]

But I guess I should… s-start at the beginning.

[Rick reads Ryoji's nervousness well enough.]

--Y-You d-d-don't--h-have to, if it m-m-makes you u-uncomfortable.

[Why yes, he is repeating himself. This does not seem to deter him.]

Oh, no… it’s fine. I can’t say I won’t be uncomfortable, but I can handle it because you deserve to know.

[He sighs heavily, finally finding a place to start.]

To explain everything that happened, I need to explain Nyx to you, as difficult as that is… there is no comparable word in the human language for her, but her power is great enough for her to be somewhat like a goddess. Pieces of her darkness were left on Earth, and scientists decided to experiment on them, creating monsters called Shadows. These monsters were made up of her power and some of the negative emotions of the human psyche. The scientists eventually combined twelve of them to give the Thirteenth Arcana, Death, a physical form.

Death’s new form, however, was very unstable, and the monster escaped the laboratory, attacking the city while pieces of its body broke off and became more powerful Shadows. They sent something known as an Anti-Shadow Weapon out to defeat Death, but it was still too powerful, so the weapon’s only option was to seal the monster inside a boy standing nearby. His name was Minato Arisato… you might have seen him in that fight.

[Rick blinks, baffled, overwhelmed and obviously very concerned. This is a lot to take in--trying to remember faces in the thick of things is not working too well for him right now.]

...I-I...m-m-maybe...?

Sorry, I didn’t mean to overwhelm you… it’s not important whether you saw him or not.

[He sighs, tries to recall his place.]

Minato grew up with that piece of Death inside him, unknowingly causing it to gain some humanity. It started appearing to him as a boy named Pharos, who would warn him of Shadows in the city. Minato thought he needed to defeat those Shadows, and he used a facet of his inner strength known as a Persona to do so. With each one he defeated, he retrieved more of Death’s power without realizing it, until Death was complete once again and could escape his body. By that point, though, Death had developed a human form, and a personality. He arrived at Minato’s school with no memory of his past and no idea he was anything more than a regular human being.

That ‘human’ was me. It wasn’t until much later that I remembered my real purpose for coming here… Nyx was being summoned to Earth because of humanity’s desire to start all over. Humans were giving up, and subconsciously wishing the world would end. I would lure her to Earth so she could initiate the Fall… I had no choice.

[He falls silent once again. He isn’t sure if Rick is following everything, and if he isn’t, he doesn’t particularly want to get into the choice he offered Minato. He can skip to the part that concerns him instead.]

[Rick is also silent--though not out of discomfort, but disbelief. Ryoji is...Death? Somehow? How does that even work? How can someone embody Death itself? How can that person be a kindhearted child who likes scarves?]

[Rick slowly shakes his head, eyes wide and befuddled. He doesn't know what to say.]

[Ryoji sees that look of disbelief, and can only offer a weak smile. He isn’t really surprised; when he found out it actually made a lot of sense. But he can understand that it’s overwhelming, so he’s going to leave out the part about the choice Minato had to make.]

In my world, people were welcoming, wishing for death, and that’s why I was present there. I found out much later that I was to bring Nyx into this world, and she would bring about the Fall. The end of everything… Long story short, I eventually became what you saw: the Avatar of Nyx, sent to fulfill her purpose. In any world I’m present in, if the despair and hopelessness become too much, Nyx is summoned again. She still has control over me here… and there’s nothing I can do about that.

[Rick continues to shake his head, burying his face in his hands. He understands enough to get the important parts. Primarily: ]

...S-So...w-w-we--the o-ones that G-G-Gan--Ganon-- [The name just about makes him choke.] --we...d-d-drove you t-to this...?

[Ryoji’s eyes widen, and he suddenly leans forward, shaking his head rapidly and grabbing hold of Rick’s arm. He isn’t thinking about personal space or the level of comfort Rick has around him or anything like that… all he can see right now is a person who is hurting, and Ryoji can’t bear to look at that any longer.]

No! No, that’s not it at all… You didn’t drive me to this, it was just the emotions you felt instinctively. Sometimes we just don’t think… there’s always a moment where we want to give up before we convince ourselves not to. It’s instinct, and I don’t blame you. It’s my fault. My existence was meant to be a ‘gift’, but it’s more like a punishment to humans for thinking in ways they can’t control. It’s unfair, and cruel.

[As miserable as he feels, seeing Ryoji so uncomfortable does wonders for his clarity of mind--though the fact that the kid has a vice-grip on his forearm is somewhat alarming and makes him involuntarily jump where he sits.]

--N-No--no, y-you c-c-can't-- [He shakes his head vehemently.] --y-you c-can't ch--change w-who you a-are. I-I'll n-never--n-no one w-will ever b-b-blame you f-f-for that.

[He slowly releases Ricks arm, retreating back in on himself and laughing softly as he considers what Rick has said.]

You'd be surprised. Sometimes people will find ways to blame those at fault without looking at the bigger picture... and besides, I know the truth. I know that although not all of it is my doing, I did contribute to it. I couldn't control myself well enough, and even if I can't change who I am, I did have a duty to carry out, one that I didn't try to fight.

[Rick continues to shake his head with stubborn disbelief. Ryoji isn't allowed to be so self-deprecating--not when Rick fought so hard to save him. Even if neither of them were in their right mind at the time.]

[Because if Ryoji can't accept what he's done...how is Rick supposed to do the same?]

...N-Not...not h-here. [His voice is small, desperate and weak.] N-No one h-here...y-your l-life means s-s-so m-much more than th--that.

[If Ryoji knew it was so important to Rick’s well being that he accept what happened, he would at least pretend to be comfortable with what happened, to like himself. Right now, though, it’s slipping out without a second thought. Ryoji’s always felt that way about himself… people scolding him for thinking that way only added fuel to it. If they were angry at him, he could believe that he was right, that he wasn’t meant to live since he always made people so upset.]

Yes, here too… I’m sorry to say it, but I wasn’t meant to live, so there isn’t much reason I should exist. It’s just simple fact.

[Ryoji won't get anger, but he will get frustration. Rick stands up.]

--Th--That's n-not t-true! [A substantial amount of flustered stammering later, Rick figures out how to follow that claim up.] ...They--Th--They w-w-wouldn't h-have m-m-made you if y-you w-w-weren't m-meant to l-live. I-It d-d-doesn't--m-make any s-s-sense!

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