[001 ★ voice]

[guiltapalooza]

So... my world's been destroyed. Yeah, not buying it. It's been tried before, by bigger and, well, probably better than whoever's behind this. In fact, I was sort of in the middle of the whole preventing the apolocypse game show right before I got zapped here, so if I could pretty please go back to that...?

Yeah, didn't think that would work. Well. Hi, everyone? I'm Willow Rosenberg, witch extraordinaire. At least they were nice enough to send me here with clothes and magic supplies. No way am I staying in the white phallus suit.

If someone could fill me in on the features that are not as advertised, I'd appreciate it. I'm sure there's all sorts of stuff to know about this place.

A tour might be nice, too. This is a lotta floors.

Comments

[wwaterboy]

[She's offering friendship? Is that really what's going on here? He blinks at her slowly, his fins rising a little with interest and hope. He's just not used to people wanting to hang around with him at all]

I wwould think you shouldn't just go around offerin' friendships to anyone wwilly-nilly wwithout really knowwin' them. An' you don't knoww me, Wwil.

[He shrugs] Maybe it's just a coincidence. It's a wwavvy kind a symbol and pretty simple so it's not surprisin' it wwould exist in other places and be associated wwith wwater.

[guiltapalooza]

Well geez, I'm not asking for a time share, just a... you know, a chance. We hang out on a regular basis and then one day it's friends. Or not. And besides, you might not realize it, but one day not too long ago I was telling someone they really shouldn't be friends with me because I'd bring down their cool status. I'm not exactly rolling in friend applicants.

... Yeah, you're probably right. It's still just a little funny to me. [And now Willow will hoard information about trolls and try to find the connection to Earth as an academic curiosity.]

[wwaterboy]

Huh. [He is still a bit discombobulated and isn't sure if it would completely ruin his reputation if he mentioned casually that she seemed like the sort of person to have a lot of friends] Wwell you should probably be awware that I'm a scoundrel an' a criminal, an' a lowwblood wwho doesn't tend to attract much a anything but trouble. If that doesn't bother you, then I guess I can givve you a chance to try to be my friend.

[guiltapalooza]

[That description just reminds her of the Scoobies hardcore, and she can't help but smile.]

I think you're in luck. I am, in fact, a fan of scoundrels. And my life is eighty percent trouble already, so any of it that you add won't even be noticed.

Welcome aboard.

[wwaterboy]

[Warily, like a puppy that's been kicked one too many times, he smiles back, his fins opening up enough to see the purple speckles on the webbing. He's got a lot more pointed teeth and fangs, but that's nbd.]

I think that's probably meant to be my line.

[guiltapalooza]

It's okay, there can be mutual welcoming aboard. [She's way too pleased with herself for finally getting him to smile, and is of course way too jaded to notice the fangs as being at all remarkable.

A moment later, her smile fades somewhat.] I should probably warn you, since it's fair... I'm not exactly-- just. I try really hard, but this whole staying on the straight and narrow thing is a, a process, and I don't always succeed at it. Let's just say I have a history of my magic being less white and more... black. Darth Vader black.

So you should know what you're getting into.

[wwaterboy]

[That piques his interest, too] Sounds like wwe're not that different after all. Wwhat wwith feelin' the need to wwarn each other.

So, is this kind a powwer somethin' that you can learn?

[guiltapalooza]

Kind of. I mean, it's learnable, but it takes a long time, and after you reach a certain point you just need raw power most people don't have. [Short pause.] Except me. I have... a lot of power.

And I'm not saying that to be arrogant - it's not always a good thing.

[wwaterboy]

[Have a skeptical look, but hey maybe she's right. If you can't control your power, that would be bad.]

Wwell... all that bein' said. Do you think you could showw your wway clear to teachin' me a feww tricks?

It's just that my kismesis is this arrogant goldblood asshole, you knoww, and it's not like I really got much choice about bein' his, if you knoww wwhat I mean. And he's got a lot a psychic powwer, so it'd really do me good to be able to givve him a run for his money instead a it bein' all one-sided on his part.

[guiltapalooza]

[She'll shelve the 'what the heck is a kismesis' question for now.] I could try, but like I said, it'd take a while. It took me over a year to even get to basic telekinetic pencil floating, and I'm supposed to be a prodigy.

If you really want something to, uh, show this goldblood, I could make you a talisman or something. They're only good for one, specific thing, but it'd be way faster than you trying to learn yourself. [Though she's definitely getting all the details on this situation before agreeing to magically arm someone she just met against someone she knows nothing about. Welcome aboards aside.]

[wwaterboy]

A year? [Disappointment, get, but not quite yet] Howw long is that? An' maybe I'd be good at it? I don't mind wworkin' hard on somethin', especially if the potential gain is wworthwwhile.

[A talisman sounds like a good, short term compromise, and as he warms up to this subject he looks more excited] I wwouldn't turn somethin' like that dowwn. Like maybe somethin' that wwould cancel out his psychic powwers? Leavve him at my mercy for once.

[guiltapalooza]

... The length it takes for the Earth to orbit the sun? 365 days. It'd probably take two or three of those to get to anything combat useful, and even that'd be considered fast.

--Okay, hang on, back up the bus here. Why exactly do you want him at your mercy? I think I need more details here. Is a kismesis another quadrant thing?

[wwaterboy]

Oh, that's... [A quick calculation and a frown] Maybe half a swweep. That's a long time.

[Oh. That] Yeah, a kismesis is the concupiscent quadrant relatin' to hatred. [Gotta explain! Must convince her to do this] A one-sided kismesitude like ours is no good, really, because I'm sure Sol'll get bored a me evventually, or come to be contemptuous a me and then I'll just be one a his operativves, and a sea dwweller anywway, wwhich means I'm basically flotsam. I'll be lucky not to just get culled.

[guiltapalooza]

Culled like killed? [Yeah okay she's pretty alarmed now.] You have a romantic quadrant based on hatred? That's-- okay, I've heard of some demons doing something similar, but.

You don't want him to get bored of you and leave you alone? [she says slowly, as if double checking.] Romantic hatred.

[wwaterboy]

Right, yeah, culled like killed. Wwhat else wwould culled mean?

[Anyway.] Trolls have two matin'-related quadrants, one based on pity and one on hate. Sol offered me this kismessitude about a swweep back and it came with a job. He's the head a intel for the entire fuckin' Empire, and he gavve me a job as one a his operativves, but bein' his kismesis means that I havve a bit a protection as wwell, because no one else is allowwed to fuck wwith me but him.

But wwithout that protection I'm just a gutterblood sea dwweller an' the punchin' bag a evveryone of higher blood than I am, wwhich is evveryone, you see?

[guiltapalooza]

Whoa, whoa, this is... exactly as fascist as I thought. [She suddenly loses her calm and bursts out with,] That's horrible! I can't believe they'd treat you that way just because of something blood-related! You can't help how you were born!

And getting a job because you agreed to-- Augh. [Fumingggg. Now she really wants to help on sheer angry principle, congrats, Eridan. Except she's trying not to do magic based on angry principle anymore. Boo.]

Just clarify one thing for me. This, no one else messes with you but him, this is a good thing for-- for trolls? I'm not going to be enabling some mutually abusive relationship here, am I?

[wwaterboy]

That's absolutely true! I get all kinds a flack just for bein' born wwith fins. [Wow, she really gets it. She understands. His wind tube constricts a little as he gazes at her. She's an alien, and weird looking, but maybe he can look past that to the soul of her. Even if souls don't really exist.]

Abusivve? I'll say it's abusivve. But it's a normal and expected part a troll romance. Normally kismeses are rivvals, and try to out-do each other, and the like. But the disparity between Sol and I is pretty big, so I'm just lookin' to evven the playin' field a bit. Nothin' wwrong wwith that.

[guiltapalooza]

So what you're saying is that you need help with your relationship because you feel like you aren't contributing enough, [she translates into human,] and that the power structure is inherently unfair anyway, because of this whole blood caste thing.

[This is combined social injustice and romance injustice, neither of which Willow is good at tolerating sitting down.]

You know what? I will help you. You just got one witch on your side, Eridan.

[wwaterboy]

[He hated to think of it in terms of asking for help, but really he figured what he was doing was just getting tutelage. It wasn't that he was asking her to hold Sollux down for him. He was just looking for some skills, and that was nothing to be ashamed of.

He nods along with her explanation, though, because it is correct, then smiles at her decision]

I wwon't disappoint you, Wwil!

[guiltapalooza]

[She can't help but smile back. The nickname doesn't hurt, either - it makes her think of Buffy and Xander, and that's always a positive association.]

Darn tootin'. In the meantime you said he has psychic abilities? Do you want me to make something to block them?

[wwaterboy]

[Oh yes, she'd mentioned that before, and his eyes light up at the possibilities.] Yeah, he's got real powwerful telekinetic abilities. If you can block those wwith your magic, that'd be a skill wworth marketing.

[guiltapalooza]

Doing an area of effect, blanket disabling has a lot of potential to backfire, [she thinks aloud.] How about something that just makes it so telekinesis can't be used to harm you? [Just in case it needed to be used to help him. Willow's learned to put loopholes in her spells because she's seen what happens when she doesn't.]

[wwaterboy]

Wwhat about if he's not activvely tryin' to hurt me but just to restrain me?

[He doubted that Sollux would actually do anything really violent against him, but restraint was definitely a thing he suspected could happen, and it made his fins quiver a bit with nervousness just to consider it]

[guiltapalooza]

Most spells work on intent, so it'd depend on that. If it'd lead to harm in some way, it should be blocked, too. Direct or indirect harm caused by telekinesis, if you want the dictionary definition.

... Unless it's, um, sexy restraint, in which case you should be good and it won't interfere. [Cause that would definitely be a question on Willow's mind if she were in a violent hatemance with someone. Not that she isn't visibly awkward about voicing that aloud. She did just meet the guy.]

[wwaterboy]

[Eridan flushed purple a bit. It sounded to him like it might work, that if Sollux were trying to humiliate him or frighten him, it would fail, and that was something he could deal with. He nodded, his lips quirking upwards]

I think I can wwork wwith that.