00:01

[shoosh]

OKAY.
FIRST OF ALL, I KNOW HOW THESE GO. IN A STUNNING EXAMPLE OF WHAT SEEMS TO BE A CLEAR LACK OF INTELLIGENCE, I ACTUALLY READ THROUGH THIS INANE PIECE OF SHIT BEFORE I STARTED TYPING.
I DON’T NEED YOUR WITTY BANTER AND USELESS INFORMATION SO KNOCK IT OFF IN ADVANCE.
THE REASON WHY I’M BOTHERING WITH THIS FESTERING COLLECTION OF HIGHLY DISTASTEFUL HISTRIONICS AT ALL IS FOR ONE REASON AND ONE REASON ONLY:
I’M GOING TO TEACH ALL YOU BLATHERING NUTJOBS ABOUT THE `NOT OKAY SYSTEM`.
THIS IS A HIGHLY CHERISHED SYSTEM AND I DIDN’T MAKE IT UP THIS SECOND, SHUT YOUR PUZZLE TRAP AND FUCK OFF.
BY FUCK OFF I MEAN SIT DOWN AND LISTEN BECAUSE THIS IS IMPORTANT AND HIGHLY RELEVANT WHEN YOU'RE GOING AROUND SNATCHING PEOPLE OUT OF THEIR UNIVERSES WHEN THEY'VE GOT IMPORTANT SHIT TO DO.
`DESTROYED` ISN'T SOMETHING THAT JUST HAPPENS TO ENTIRE UNIVERSES, I DON'T BELIEVE THAT.
THE `NOT OKAY SYSTEM` IS A ONE TO TEN SCALE OF HOW OKAY YOU ARE WITH A CERTAIN SITUATION.
THAT IS MORE THAN ENOUGH INFORMATION ALREADY, BUT I KNOW THAT A VAST MAJORITY OF YOU ARE HAPLESS, BRAINLESS, FLESHY PINK HUMAN MEATBAGS, SO I’LL ELABORATE.
YOU’RE WELCOME.
THE SCALE IS SIMPLE ENOUGH, WHERE YOU GAUGE HOW `OKAY` YOU ARE WITH A CERTAIN SITUATION USING ONE DIGIT NUMBERS, A CONCEPT THAT EVEN THE MOST INTELLIGENCE-CHALLENGED INDIVIDUAL CAN UNDERSTAND.
ONE IS THE LOWEST END OF THE SCALE, TEN IS THE HIGHEST.
THAT NEEDED CLARIFICATION.
AGAIN, YOU’RE WELCOME.
FOR EXAMPLE, BECAUSE I KNOW YOU NEANDERTHRASHING FUCKSPONGES WILL NEED ONE, I WILL RATE THE SITUATION I’M IN RIGHT NOW USING THE NOT OKAY SCALE.
THAT SITUATION BEING, OF COURSE, THAT I’VE BEEN MERCILESSLY RIPPED OUT OF MY UNIVERSE AND THEREFORE STRIPPED OF MY IMPORTANT LEADER DUTIES.
JUST IN CASE YOU’D FORGOTTEN.
RATING MYSELF ON A ONE TO TEN SCALE, WITH ONE BEING DELIGHTFULLY CONTENT LIKE A BUCKTOOTHED IDIOT DANCING NAKED IN THE RAIN AND TEN BEING PSYCHO JUGGALO ASSHOLE SUDDENLY GETTING A WICKED THIRST FOR THE KILLS
I WOULD BE AROUND A 6.
MIDWAY UP THE SCALE, DECIDEDLY NOT OKAY BUT NOT BEING AN OBNOXIOUS BULGEREEK ABOUT IT.
HAD I NOT HAD THE MENTAL CAPACITY, AS I KNOW MOST OF YOU DON’T, TO FLIP THROUGH THIS BOOK FIRST, I WOULD BE TWELVE OR THIRTEEN ON THE SCALE.
IT’S MY SCALE I CAN GO HIGHER THAN THE LIMIT IF I WANT TO, FUCK OFF.
THIRTEEN WOULD BE PEELING OFF ALL MY SKIN, FILING DOWN MY HORNS AND GOING ON A BLEARY AND CONFUSED MURDER SPREE.
I WAS FEELING MAGNANIMOUS WITH MY BRAIN POWER AND SAVED YOU ALL THE TROUBLE OF DEALING WITH THAT.
THIS MEMO HAS ALMOST REACHED ITS CONCLUSION, BUT BEFORE I LEAVE YOU DUMBFUCKS BACK TO YOUR IGNORANCE BUBBLES, I WOULD LIKE TO CLARIFY SOMETHING THAT NEEDS TO BE CLARIFIED:
THIS IS NOT ME BEING OBNOXIOUS AND TELLING YOU HOW TO ACCURATELY GAUGE YOUR LIFE WITH MY SPARKLING PERSONALITY AND ENDLESS INTELLECT
THIS IS AN IMPORTANT MEMO CONTAINING A PRICELESS PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT FOR THE INANE AND THE IDIOTIC.
(THAT’S YOU.)

Comments

[shoosh]

What's the last thing you remember?

[scalemate]

Um...

[Paaaause. This is awkward.]

I had just killed Vriska.

[shoosh]

Before or after I got there?

[scalemate]

[Blink!]

Before.

[shoosh]

[ OH FOr FUCKS SAke IT TOOK SO MUCH EFFOrT AND COURAGE TO DO WhAT HE DID ]

... You missed a lot.

[scalemate]

[She grins, plopping on the bottom step of the stairs.]

Maybe you should catch me up first, then!

[shoosh]

I met up with you on the roof. We... talked, and Gamzee showed up, then Kanaya and Sollux.

[scalemate]

They did? Were they okay?

[shoosh]

Yes and no. Gamzee was... uh, different. Eridan killed Kanaya but she came back as a rainbow drinker for some reason and Sollux was blind.

[scalemate]

[Okay well this is not news to her. She frowns, crossing her arms.]

What did we talk about?

[shoosh]

[ no he's not ready ]

When Gamzee showed up we all talked about him.

[scalemate]

[Siiiigh.]

Oh. Did I miss anything else important?

[shoosh]

[ HE's NOT READy TO TALK AbOUT QUADRaNTS ]

... I got off my sorry ass and made that psychopath my palemate.

[scalemate]

[Yep she's totally laughing.]

Jegus, finally!

[shoosh]

Fuck off, it was a hard decision!

[scalemate]

[Chinhands!]

You are so ridiculous.

[shoosh]

Maybe I didn't want to accept that I'd be spending the rest of my life shooshing the harshwhimsies out of a great honking asshole! You don't know what it's like to be responsible for everything he's done.

[scalemate]

[She frowns.]

You aren't responsible for everything he's done, stupid. You weren't his moirail when he went shithive.

[shoosh]

But I should have been. Everything could have been avoided if I was keeping an eye on him.

[scalemate]

[SIIIIIGH.]

Not this again.

[shoosh]

Fuck you! This is a legitimate issue, not just an "oh nevermind it's just Karkat being pathetic again better humor his useless existence for a while"!

[scalemate]

[EYEROLL!]

Ohhh, so you knew he was going to flip out and kill everyone? That's interesting! Maybe we got our titles wrong, because I had no idea.

[shoosh]

No, shithead. I always knew he was going to be my responsibility.

[scalemate]

Whatever.

[She doesn't want to argue with him right now.]

Do you want to know what's going on or not?

[shoosh]

No, clearly I'm happy here in my bubble of ignorance.

[ just... fill him in he's too karkat for this. ]