002 ♑ [second honk]

[hystericull]

HoLy mOtHeRfUcK, tOwEr pEePs
OkAy a bRoThEr gOt a fEw tHiNgS To gEt aLl oUt hIs cHuTe
FiRsT ThInG To bE AlL SpEwInG At tO ThIs sCrEeN Be

Uh

UhHh

Oh fUcK, oKaY I AlL FoRgEt wHaT ThE FiRsT MoThErFuCkEr wAs sUpPoSeD To bE BeInG
BuT ThE SeCoNd hAs tO AlL Do wItH ThIs dOpE FuCkIn pIeCe oF ArChItEcTuRaL BeAuTy
WhAt's tO Be gEtTiNg iTs mOsT WiCkEd oF ChIlLs oN RiGhT Up iN ThIs fUcKiN HaLlWaY
ChEcK ThIs sHiT OuT, mOtHeRfUcKeRs

[The video flicks on, a pair of gray hands fumbling with it for a second, then moving away to reveal an enormous pile of bike horns, pretty obnoxiously obstructing a majority of the top-floor dormitory hallway. Two large, orange-yellow goat horns zip in front of the picture as the author of the post begins chattering away instead of continuing to type.]

So like, I all thought to my fuckin' self, why this motherfucker gotta be holing up all in the crazy room by his lonesome with all these bitches when he could be all to getting his ass out at where there be more motherfuckers to all share them honk horns to! I got pies and Faygo, too.

[He pauses, straightening up so he's speaking directly in to the camera. Now visible, this troll comes complete with a monochromatic clown face and an untamed mass of gravity-defying black curls. He holds up a tin of green slime and a Redpop Faygo to lend credibility to his promise of refreshments. Long, stained fangs flash intermittently as he continues his advertisement.]

Uhhhhhh, and, uh. Oh, fuck yeah. Someone gone and stuck this motherfuckin' tower in the damn thermal hull, I think. So any motherfucker what's up for takin' their harshest of toasty snoozes all on at this fuckin' location be only have to fork up some to-be-determined currency. Once I all, uh, find out what this place all to be using for some such of things.

[A pause. His half-lidded, glassy eyes stare into the camera disconcertingly for a very uncomfortable length of time.]

Oh. Uh. ...That be all, motherfuckers! Get at me! Honk!

Comments

[hystericull]

[His head just so happens to fall at the right angle to make Eridan come in to focus. He rises lazily from the pile, sending a few horns tumbling down from it to roll down the hall. He'd taken to a pie while he'd been waiting, which he picked up as he rose, holding it out to the other boy.]

Heeeyy, green fishbro motherfucker! Pie?

[chronomancer]

[Is that. Yes. Of course it is. It's sopor slime. Let's recapitulate, Eridan, okay? You have effectively gone and engaged a highblood. Why? Because you're an idiot. Sure, he might be sopor'd up, like yours, but he's still a highblood you don't really know. Sure, he looks like Gamzee. He even types and talks like Gamzee.

But Gamzee is not a friggin' highblood.

So what are you doing standing like an idiot in the hallway? Haven't you learned your lesson about highbloods you don't know and how much you really need to stay away from them? Do you need to lose another arm?

Eridan swallows hard and tries to ignore his circling thoughts about how this is a Very Bad Idea. He shakes his head.]

I'll. Ah. I think I'll pass. If that's okay wwith you.

[hystericull]

[He dismisses the turn-down with a slow wave, setting the pie on the terminal desk and closes the space between them. His arms are now wrapping tightly around Eridan's shoulders in an introductory hug.]

Good to get my meet on at a brother from the flip-floppy blood thing!

[The real, well, his Eridan would have probably thrown a fit if Gamzee had hugged him like that, but this one seemed a little more timid - more in need of a hug! Not that any sort of forseen response would deter Gamzee from hugging any motherfucker.]

[chronomancer]

[What is he--oh god. Oh. God. Oh god.

Excuse Eridan, he's suffering a bit of BSoD at the moment. Let him reboot and he'll get back to you. In a moment. Hang on. He's running Vista.]

...hi.

[That might or might not have been a whimper. The implied please don't kill me is pretty loud despite being so unsaid.]

[hystericull]

[He pulls back from the hug, grinning and resting his hands on Eridan's shoulder... Well, shoulder and... stump??? Suddenly noticing this lack of limb, his eyes widen to look almost normal.]

Whoaaa, bro, ain't want to be droppin' any motherfuckin' bombs all on you or nothing, but your arm be fuckin' gone!

[chronomancer]

Er.

[Eridan just. Sort of. Stares. For a moment. The sunglasses might have slipped down his nose a bit. He coughs, casually pushing them up. Like a cool bro. And totally not like an awkward turtle with wavy horns. Totally.]

Yeah. It. Kinda happened.

[hystericull]

[MORE TACTFUL STARING AT HIS ARM-SPACE.]

Where'd you fuckin' lose that shit, bro!? Wanna go all get our motherfucking backtrack on? Little dude's probably all scared fuckin' shitless lookin' all for your shoulder to hop all back on!

[Maybe a little waving of his hand through the space where there should be an arm..............]

[chronomancer]

Ah, no. No, it's okay.

[He doesn't want to think where his arm even is now, thanks.]

You...

[DERAILING CONVERSATION POWERS, ACTIVATE.]

You wanted a scarf?

[He ignores Gamzee pawing at the space where his arm used to be, pretending that's totally not creepy, and instead awkwardly offers the scarf. Which looks much like the one he's wearing.]

[hystericull]

[The look of concern washes right away when he spots the jadeblood's payment choice. He takes the scarf happily, throwing it around every part of his body it could possibly reach.]

Fuckin' thanks, motherfucker! Nicest shit anyone's ever been to giving at me, for fuckin' real!

[He is very visibly excited, going in to grab Eridan again, around the middle this time. Hello hugs around the shoulders, thank you hugs around the stomach, didn't you know?]

Oh shit, almost forgot!

[Gesturing to the horn pile with a scarf-wrapped arm.]

She's all fuckin' yours, motherfucker!

[chronomancer]

[Ok, ok, he can't help it. He feels nice when he makes people happy, and Gamzee looks REALLY happy. It's nice. Eridan smiles as Gamzee wraps himself up in scarf... and Eridan's scarves are all pretty long.

But then he's being hugged again. And the smile dies abruptly as he looks awkwardly at the kindahighblood.]

Oh.

You. It's okay, really.

[Think, think, think]

You probably have other customers waiting!

[hystericull]

[He backs up slightly, still grinning.]

That be why a motherfucker all has starting to be taking some motherfucking reservations, yo!

[He nods, obviously proud of himself for having enough foresight to think that through.]

Come onnnn, bro, no more fuckin' bein' cagey 'bout this bullshit. Here, lemme introduce you two motherfuckers.

[He takes the only hand Eridan has left, leading him over to the pile and gently shoving him at the horns.]

[chronomancer]

I don't really think--

[HONK. Eridan finds himself lying in a pile of horns, accidentally honking, mostly on account of the fact the first one he stepped on startled the fuck out of him, and the ensuing flailing only resulted in more honks. Holy shit, and Gamzee expects him to nap here?

How?]

[hystericull]

[He's just laughing like an idiot now, watching Eridan flail around on the pile. Granted, the first horn he'd stepped on had scared the shit out of both of them, and when he first started flailing, Gamzee had to cover his ears. But now that he knew what was going on, he was having a ball watching.]

Hahahaha, there you go, bro! Kick back and get a harsh motherfuckin' space trip goin'!

[chronomancer]

I'm not--

[Oh god, how does he stand up?! Eridan might or might not have squeaked as he tried to stand up, stepped on another horn, and went back down, honking all the way.

Oh god, the sheer mortification.]

[hystericull]

[Suddenly looming over him, looking down and placing a hand on Eridan's chest. His giant hair flopped forward and obscured most of his face, except for his giant smile.]

Cooooool your motherfuckin' jets, li'l fishbro! That what the pile all be for! A brother think you all need a slice of miracle pie, too. Got the jumpy jumps like a scaredy purrbeast, you fuckin' do!

[chronomancer]

[OHSHI---Eridan felt the adrenaline bump when Gamzee loomed over him, with half a mind to chuck the horns at the other troll, though without the appropriate spercibi it was unlikely to work much at all.

Then Gamzee's words actually registered and Eridan flushed green.]

I'm sorry.

[hystericull]

[Wait why are you blushing now this is awkward what are you doing.]

Ain't no fuckin' thing, yo. Don't be all at worryin' your fuckin' non-fins off 'bout that shit. Look here.

[He turns around, snatching the pie he'd set down. He knelt in front of the pile, leaning forward and holding it out to Eridan's face.]

Chill that shit out proper, motherfucker.

[chronomancer]

[Mortification. Sheer. Fucking. Mortification. Eridan is embarrassing himself like usual and mentally flailing about and oh hey, pie. Suddenly there's pie in front of him and he reels back somewhat, half expecting that to be an attack is there a piekind strife spercibus? there probably is, huh but only manages to slide down the pile some more, honking as he goes.]

Er.

[hystericull]

[Gamzee moves his arm down as Eridan slides, keeping the pie level with his face the entire time. He shuffles closer on his knees, wiggling the tin as if it would make it more appealing. The substance inside globbed and wiggled as he did so.]

It ain't all bad, motherfucker. Just be all gotta having a little taste, is all. Calm a brother right the fuck down, it will. Fuckin' promise!

[Grinning some more, still wiggling the disgusting slime.]

[chronomancer]

[Oh god, why is that thing following his face. Eridan looks up at Gamzee, vaguely terrified.]

Ah. But it's your pie, really. I'm. Okay.

[hystericull]

[He looks slightly puzzled, then extremely sympathetic.]

Ohhh, bro, a motherfucker best be gettin' his apology on what's all directed to your fuckin' self. Forgot you be all to have losing your arm and shit.

[He pulls the tin back, balancing it on splayed fingers and using his free hand to reach in with one to scoop out a thick, runny glob. He stretched his finger out towards Eridan and held it inches away from the boy's mouth, an eager grin on his face.]

Here, let me all get my assistance on.

[chronomancer]

[Eridan stared at Gamzee for a moment, battling bafflement, incomprehension and perhaps just as smidge of indignation.

He blinked, then came to a horrifying realization.]

You're not goin to be happy until I eat some of that, aren't you.

[Rejoice, Gamzee! For this is face-to-face, 100% authentic and certified Eridan deadpan.]

[hystericull]

[He tilts his head to the side sympathetically, a happy grin cracking over his face. You don't get it, Eridan.]

Ain't about what's makin' this motherfucker get his jubilation all the fuck on, not at motherfucking all! What's it about be a greeny non-fishbro settling his motherfucking shit right the fuck downwards and slamming in at this miracle maker I got in my motherfucking hands.

[chronomancer]

[No, he doesn't. And he's about to say something about it, but he thinks better of it. Then he sighs. And steels himself for quite possibly the single most stupid thing he's done in... a while.]

...kay.

[Eridan sighs and reaches out with a finger to wipe off the green monstrosity off Gamzee's finger - because like hell he's licking it off - and sticking it into his mouth with a little wince.

Oh god, what has he done.]

There.

[hystericull]

[He lets out a low giggle in delight, plopping the tin on Eridan's chest and taking a scoop out for himself.]

Shouldn't be gettin' my motherfuckin' surprise all on if you be on your way to mystical zonkland after what's only taking one fuckin' bite. Seen a dude topple all on his motherfucking face after hardly a motherfucking whiff! You ain't feelin' zoned yet, then be a motherfucker's motherfucking guest and make your nutrition sack all happy with the slime, brother.

[He was still hovering dangerously close, unintentionally intimidating the shit out of the poor boy, staring down at him with unrestrained glee.]