animus_network | anon text (as usual)

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anon text (as usual)

This post, if people would like to utilize it, can be used to quickly meet up with those you were separated or stranded from during the previous month, as well as ensuring one another of your safety.

This will help ensure that we have one place to check for such correspondences, and will not flood the network with an overabundance of the same sentiment.

You're free to utilize your own means, of course- I simply figured this would be a useful tool, after all that has happened.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[No wait why did the hand leave fuck.]

[Unfortunately, not being able to even understand his own mind, it was impossible for Gamzee to attempt to piece together Tavros' thought processes. The only things he saw were the hesitation, gradually diminishing into uncertainty, and then the loss of contact.]

[Guh, okay, no big deal. If Gamzee was capable of feeling awkward, the silence right now would probably rank up there with Most Motherfucking Awkward. But, he... never really felt awkward. Ever. Maybe because his whole existence was outwardly awkward and he'd just become either immune or blissfully unaware to all of the unease he caused every time he opened his mouth. Yeah, this was less "awkward" and more "let's not go there again because it didn't end too well last time". If one was actually able to scrunch all of their facial features together in a nice, tight mess, that would probably be what Gamzee was attempting to do.]

Oh.

Edited 2012-07-20 09:03 (UTC)

[ okay, no. He's not going to do the same mistake again. He fucked up with Vriska, but he's not going to fuck it up with Gamzee as well.

But- ... how? Also, where to begin?? Everything was so messed up, he's not even sure how to render all his thoughts into meaningful words. Oddly, he knew the feelings were all manufactured out of guilt, worry and self-pity. How is that even a combination to flushed feelings is beyond his comprehension, but he figured he can't possibly be that upset over the idea of this troll being in any form of pain without ... you know.

... Maybe? Ugh.

The silence was way too long this time, and the air felt heavy. Tavros didn't break their eye contact, even though it was quite painful to stare at the face Gamzee was making and his discomfort is defiantly rubbing off on him, but- he tried to keep the atmosphere light. ]

Brother, I- I'm sorry. I don't mean any disrespect, I'm just trying to make sure ... I'm not misreading anything in here. You know? Um.

Are you ... red for me?

[ Stupid question? Maybe. He just wanted to make sure before he proceeds with hideous confessions that could potentially make their future encounter awkward too. Better safe than sorry. ]

[Oh, fuck.]

[For the love of fuck why was this happening right now. He was such a wreck his stomach was freezing over and his face was practically melting and he felt like he'd tried to swallow an entire pie at once and it all got jammed in his throat on the way down.]

...

[What kind of a question was that, anyway!? The answer to it was so painfully obvious to any and all parties involved, as well as to any outside observers, that it was almost laughable. Given the previous circumstances regarding this particular subject, it seemed Tavros' only motivation for even asking was to add insult to injury by making Gamzee answer.]

[What was he going to do, lie!? He wouldn't dare lie to Tavros, not about this. Gods, it used to be so damn easy to deal with this shit! Say how you felt, embrace whatever repercussions there were without a single fucking care in the world. When did he become so obsessed with the details and intricacies and implications of every single thing!?]

[If he answered, he'd either lie, or tell the truth. Simple as that. However, the effects each answer would have varied wildly. He wasn't in any sort of position to be acting on his feelings. He didn't even fucking know what feelings he was really feeling at any given point in time. Except, these red feelings, he was pretty sure those were a constant. They'd never wavered before, and that point had been solidified, well, now, when they'd met up again after the experiments were over.]

[It was hard to save face around Tavros. It was hard, because at any second he could become a whirlwind of anger and anxiety and every terrible emotion crammed into one, and sometimes he had no idea what would trigger it, or if it was even triggered by anything at all. The slime helped, he kept repeating to himself and everyone around him, but its comfort only felt temporary at best, when before it had been everything he'd ever needed.]

[He was fucking everything up, everywhere he went. He didn't want to fuck this up. He knew, he knew if he tried to push this any farther, it would get mangled into something unrecognizable - something so much worse than just being told "no". He'd lost any and all footing that had been under him, grappling at nonsense and things that he used to think were so fucking stable in the beginning. What more could he do than answer? He couldn't keep their eye contact. He felt sick.]

I never... stopped...

Edited 2012-07-21 00:33 (UTC)

[ Tavros agrees. It is a horrible timing to have such a discussion and he's most-likely stressing Gamzee instead of offering him comfort. Still, he couldn't drop the subject now, that would only add more fuel to the fire and fuck everything up. All he can do now is stay calm and prepare himself.

Okay, remaining calm is one hell of a challenge here. Tavros is so ridiculously terrified right not it's not even funny. He wished he could have been more prepared and written a speech or something, but he'll have to manage with what his think pan can muster under such stress and frustration. It's a good thing Gamzee's focus was anywhere but Tavros' face, because then he would surely notice his futile attempts in speaking only to end up cowering behind sealed lips.

Okay, here goes. ]

I'm ... not really good at this. I'd like to blame my lack of confidence and uncertainty, but that's not really an excuse worth using ... anymore. [ He toys with his fingers, reckoning he's off to a good start, and he should keep up this pace without turning off topic. In fact, he decided to bite the bullet and just be forward for a change. ]

It's not that ... I don't have feelings for you, brother. Because, I kinda do. It's, um, confusing a little?

[ A pause to let that sink in, mostly for himself and not Gamzee. It's funny, he always assumed flushed confessions are made of fairies and double rainbows, but he felt he was walking on thin ice, and everything might be ruined in a matter of seconds. But, he's still going strong in keep his gaze secured on the troll before him, even when Gamzee just looked so horribly ill, and it made Tavros' confidence drop to a new level of low. ]

I- Um. I ..

[ ... Yeah, okay. He's lost again. ]

Edited (spaaaaams) 2012-07-21 06:46 (UTC)

[The silence was actually good. The silence before Tavros spoke again meant that he didn't have to deal with whatever response he felt he had to make. Honestly, the boy didn't really have to say anything in response. Gamzee was beginning to feel that not saying anything - for once - was probably a wiser choice. Old habits die hard, however, and he wasn't sure how he felt about actually retaining a little bit of his old, carefree self, spilling shit out of his mouth before giving it a proper once-over in his head.]

[He supposed it was good.]

[But, Gods, when Tavros started talking, he was all stutters and uncertainty. They'd used to be so open with each other, everything was free and easy, there was no second-guessing or tripping over words. Fuck this Tower. Just... fuck this Tower. He loved it and he hated it at the same time and he'd never felt this way, not even on the meteor. Being here made him hate the meteor and hate the lab and hate, hate, hate, he'd never hated so much in his life!]

[Stop. Stop, calm down and listen to him. Tavros continued, and... and Gamzee's stomach, instead of feeling cold and heavy, suddenly felt like it was a pod of restless larvae, crawling around everywhere and squirming and now his eyes were probably bugging out of his head like some idiot. He what? He had... he had what? Lords have fucking mercy on his hysterical soul - he was pretty sure Tavros had made it clear with the excessive use of commas that he did not, in fact, reciprocate the feelings Gamzee had offered him what seemed like sweeps and sweeps ago.]

[And he was stuttering again, stopped talking. Trailed off. Did he just say that to spare Gamzee the second rejection? It really didn't hurt him all that much the first time around, honestly. They remained friends, and he was in the best state of mind back then to just shrug it off. If Gamzee asked any more, Tavros would have been put on the spot. If he put him on the spot, it could make things worse. GODS! Why the fuck was he fucking thinking so much!? It was fucking infuriating! The fuck did he have to go and tell him that for? What did he expect from him? Was he just fucking with him? What--]

What the fuck did I all do motherfucking different!?

[Oh, Jesus.]

[ Okay.

This is exactly what he was trying so hard to avoid. This reaction right fucking here. You see this reaction? This is the last thing he wanted!

Tavros visibly flinched at the sudden outburst, eyes wide open, and he takes a step back. This is probably the first time he managed to see his friend lose it and wow- talk about a real fright!

... You know what really hurts? Gamzee was genuinely mad at him, and it was all his fucking fault. This was a bad idea. It was a horrible, horrible idea. He should have kept his mouth shut and like- pretend everything is fine and fucking dandy. Maybe ignore the whole thing or whatever ridiculous, uncertain feels he was having.

Too late for that! He fucked up big time. Gamzee lost it, and you know what? Tavros deserves it. Hell, he wouldn't even insult the highblood by defending himself. You know what else? It hurts like a bitch. It hurts so badly- Tavros is certain that he'll never forgive himself.

He turned to his side, with every intention of walking away, but he- stopped, took a deep breath, and turned to face Gamzee again.

His eyes were glued to the ground, staring miserably and all he could mutter is- ]

... I'm sorry.

[Fuck shit ass tits.]

[That's not what he wanted to say. That's not what he wanted to happen. It never fucking failed. Every time something even remotely serious happened, he had to fly off the fucking handle and start screaming and wailing on shit. He'd had a pie, for Christ's sake, he wasn't supposed to be flipping out like this! Never before had his emotions been so unstable - it was so, so frustrating.]

[Gamzee squeezed his eyes shut and pressed the heels of his palms against them, thin fingers reaching out to tangle in the snarls of bangs that hung down over his forehead.]

That ain't-- I--

[UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH. God, fuck, he was getting angry again. Tavros didn't have to be sorry - he didn't do anything wrong! Gamzee wasn't angry at him at all, he was just... just angry... just so, so angry all the time, in general.]

That ain't what all I was motherfuckin' meaning to say at you.

[Apologize. Apologize, you motherfucker.]

...

[Nice.]

[ A blissful moment of silence followed, and Tavros just stood there staring between the ground and Gamzee. He prepared himself for the worst, but he figured that standing here like a total idiot is not going to fix anything. And dear god he needs to fix this right now before it gets any worst.

It took a great deal of hesitations before he urged his legs to move, and a few easy steps brought him closer to Gamzee's side. He stood there for a while, making sure the highblood was aware of his presence before pressing his hand against the center of his back, gently sliding it up and down his spinal line. Nice and easy.

Nope. He can't walk away from this. If he had to apologize a million times he's going to do it. He can't afford to lose his brother. ]

It's okay, brother. It's not the right time to talk about this. My bad. You're not feeling very well, and- we can just drop it. Forget about it, too. Or maybe talk about it later when you feel better, whatever you want.

I just ... don't want to upset you anymore.

[ God, it really hurts watching Gamzee like this. He just wants it to stop. ]

... Okay?

[Don't. Snap.]

[Don't.]

[Snap.]

[Gamzee had intended to take a deep breath in, and exhale. He only got half of it right, however, and ended up sucking in a large breath and just holding it there in his lungs. Tavros' hand on his back was... warm. And nice. And. Ugh, fucking stupid useless feelings! His hands eventually lowered from his face, but he still held them in front of his chest, wringing them like there was no tomorrow and finally letting that breath out after a good minute or so. It was shaky as it came out, whistling through clenched teeth because, lords, he was really trying hard to calm himself down. It was hard without Karkat here. Not to say that he didn't want to be in perfect spirits for Tavros - he undoubtedly did. At all times, perfect and happy and just. Anything but this.]

[It could be worse, he supposed. At least Tavros didn't have to see him go crazy, kill everyone. Well, thinking about that wasn't doing anyone any good. Better to move on.]

Bro...

[Concentrate on the hand, rubbing at his back. The words that were so painfully concerned and innocent from the boy he knew so well and spent every day talking to, back home, with the wicked rhymes and the clown-nosed, bull-horned emoticons, the boy he'd been flushed for for sweeps and oh, fuck, we weren't going to think about that again. It was just not the right time to think about that. So not right.]

[But his blood pusher was swelling and bouncing around in his chest, now. What the fuck was he supposed to do!?]

You didn't.

Motherfuckin' upset me, I all mean. You didn't.

It was just me.

I'm--

It was just me.

[ It was extremely painful to watch Gamzee struggle like this. He's in so much pain and Tavros could almost feel a heavy weight pressing against his chest, suffocating him. He was terrified- he felt like he was losing him right before his eyes. He couldn't even recognize the troll before him, and it made him wonder- Did he always feel this amount of pain and anger? Or it is merely the Tower's doing? He couldn't tell anymore.

Tavros remained focused, taking a sharp inhale throughout his nostrils as he kept stroking Gamzee's back, slowing down slightly but not letting go yet. He's not backing away unless Gamzee asked him to. Otherwise he's not going to leave his side, not when he's like this. Not when he's hurting. ]

It's going to be okay, Gamzee.

[ A part of him desperately wanted to get even closer, embrace him, and maybe ... just maybe that would bring some ease to his friend. As much as he wanted to do it, he couldn't. Tavros didn't know what he can and can't do anymore. He felt there is a red line between them, and he had to be extra careful from this moment onward. If it was up to him, he'd do more than stand there and watch. So much more.

For now, he kept all emotions sealed. He had to be strong for Gamzee's sake, even when it did hurt, hurt so badly, he tried to smile a little. ]

You are allowed to be angry, bro. It's okay. We're going to be-- okay.

[ ..... right? ]

[And there was the guilt, eating at him from the inside. Subjecting Tavros to consoling him? What the fuck was he doing? If he was in any state of general coherence, he'd hoof it back to the terminal he'd started out at and just sit there and stew until this all went away. Why did he even think coming here was a good idea? Selfish, man, selfish. Wasn't a good color on him, you know?]

[C-come on. Pull yourself together, stupid clown. No more childish tantrums. At least for now? Come on, fuckhead!]

[It's gonna be okay, it's gonna be okay. He didn't want to hear it from Tavros - I mean, he wanted to hear it from him, but he didn't want him to ever have a need to say it. Gamzee forced a hopeless chuckle out of himself, trading wringing his hands for balling the bottom of his shirt up in his hands.]

It's cool, motherfucker. I'm cool, we cool. All chill.

[He turned his head a little to the side, looking at Tavros again, finally.]

All chill, little bro. Don't be havin' no more worries on me, yeah?

[He grinned, slowly. It was a surprisingly easy thing to do, with Tavros around.]

[ Yeah, he's not buying it, but he figured he should play along for now. If Gamzee wants him to stop worrying and pretend that everything is okay-- Tavros can do that. He's not really in any position to make this situation any worst.

So, he tries to relax, offering his friend a more genuine smile and nodding in acknowledgment. He finally lets go of his back, assuming Gamzee was calm enough and getting too personal is not the way to go right now. ]

We're cool. Yeah. All- cool.

[ Still- it feels kinda weird, doesn't it? Okay, no. Not thinking about it!! They're cool and a-okay. Gamzee is not mad at him anymore, or so it seems, and he's chill-- kinda? So all is good.

It took him a few seconds before he realized that he'd been staring, and then he decided that he should cover it up by saying something productive and smart! ]

I still think that you need to, uh, get some rest.

[ Okay, not really smart but not stupid either? ]

[The loss of contact was certainly disappointing, but it was pretty obvious that Tavros hadn't done it unconsciously. Gamzee gave him a slow smile and nod in return, as if nodding back and forth like idiots was going to make any of this magically okay. As previously stated, Gamzee hadn't ever been one to feel awkward in almost any given situation, and this one was no exception. All he had to do was just... not think about the awkward possibly-yet-not-flushed-confession that had just taken place between the both of them.]

[Honestly, Gamzee was pretty confused about that whole exchange, now. What had Tavros really admitted to, anyway? This entire encounter was becoming a garbled mess in his memory. Tavros had admitted being... confused, about his feelings? Right? What did that even mean!? And we're not supposed to be thinking about this.]

[How could something that had started out so happily quickly take such a fucking dive into Shitsville? Oh, uh. Right. Because Gamzee was about as static as a motherfucking pinwheel in a tornado and was totally in control of all of his emotions, that was why.]

[Upon Tavros' suggestion, Gamzee gave a slow nod, taking a few steps off to the side and slumping in one of several chairs that had been placed around a study table. He looked back to Tavros, patting the table gently to beckon him over and sit down near him. It was Tavros' choice, really. There would be no hard feelings if the boy decided to leg it after that stunning display of self-control Gamzee had just pulled. Granted, it was just a little outburst, but it was something he wanted so badly never to do in front of Tavros. Cripes, he began to feel that grin slipping again, so he sprawled back in the chair, dangling his free arm over the back of it and putting on a happier expression. Had to stop fucking dwelling on shit, honestly.]

[ Tavros couldn't keep the smile on his face either; they were being painfully fake with each other, and he's not sure if he can keep it up. Okay, just a little longer? Maybe-- if he kept smiling, somehow Gamzee will forget his little confession, and this whole confrontation will be nothing more than a blur in his think pan. Wishful thinking.

He looks over at Gamzee and that expression on his face. It was somehow upsetting and truth to be told-- he was growing a bit ... annoyed? Not necessary on Gamzee, mainly on his self and this situation in general. He was truly regretting opening his mouth and saying all that shit; he was over the stage of being miserable about it and now more on the seething side.

Still, he didn't hesitate as he approached the highblood, dragging a chair to his side before settling close enough for their knees to touch. Soon after, he crossed his arms against the table, leaning to rest his chin down, staring ahead in low lashes.

... Can they please stop pretending now? It was so fatiguing and draining. He didn't want to pretend that upsetting his best friend is something worth ignoring. Honestly, he never thought that he would see Gamzee again, but somehow he made his way into this tower, alive, and a chance was presented to him. A chance to thank his brother for being such a good friend to him in all those sweeps. He didn't know how long he's going to stay in this place, but this is certainly not the way he wanted to spend it.

Fuck this, really. ]

If you want to yell at me, I'm totally fine with it. In fact, I really think you should.

[ He muffled against his arm. ]

Edited 2012-07-22 18:06 (UTC)

[Well, that façade lasted long.]

...I ain't mad no more.

[It was true, he wasn't. He was feeling sort of guilty, now, actually. But as soon as he went back to think on why he'd gotten so angry, he could feel it start to flare up again. That probably wasn't a good idea. Gamzee flopped his arms on the table unceremoniously, looking down at Tavros' slumped-over form.]

I don't wanna yell. 'Cause once them harshwhimsies all start their motherfuckin' flow, they ain't like to stop for no motherfucker 'til they all run me outta breaths, bro.

[It was easier to talk to the back of Tavros' head, he decided. His little buddy looked so down, listlessly strewn over the table like that. Gamzee put... no, Gamzee didn't. Gamzee put... no, he didn't. It was a good thing that Tavros wasn't looking at him, because the back and forth between his raised hand and the places he should put it on Tavros to attempt comfort was almost too embarrassing to watch.]

[You know, he was starting to notice a distinct difference between the mindset that the Tower had given him, the blinding rage that overtook him sometimes, and the personality he'd arrived here with. As much as he wanted to revert back to his old self, it was extremely difficult to. When it came to this, though? He had just enough slime in him to warrant terrible judgment, and therefore, embrace a little part of him that had once been Tavros' good friend, and not a spastic, emotionally-charged nutcase.]

Hey.

[Gamzee leaned forward, folding his arms across the table like Tavros had, only his were directly underneath one of the boy's big horns. He couldn't very well mock his friend's position with a horn directly where his head should go, so Gamzee placed his chin on top of it, keeping it up with his arms underneath so it wouldn't topple the kid's head sideways from the weight he was putting on it. Yeah, this was sufficiently stupid. He felt a little bit more like his old self.]

You keep tellin' in me what you think this motherfucker oughtta do, but let's back this fucktruck up for what's just one motherfucking second and take all a good fuckin' gander at what my little brother should all be gettin' his act on of, yeah?

[The rage inside of him was just a little angry ball in his stomach, now. If he didn't pay attention to it, it should be fine. Besides, he had bigger worries than getting angry again. And he planned to address them.]

"Gamzee rest, Gamzee yell," but what's I'm really thinkin' needs to happen, is a brother with so much noise in his pan that he ain't but said two motherfuckin' words on it since the hoofbeastshit-factor on this conversation took a mother fucking dive, that bro need to get more words outta his chute about what the fuck is going down with him.

So spill it, motherfucker. Come on.

Edited 2012-07-22 18:55 (UTC)

[ Gamzee please. Just stop being so nice to him, it just takes Tavros' self-loathing to a whole new level and its- ughh. But, it was kinda nice to have Gamzee this close to him again. It felt comforting, too. He was so terrified of losing what they had, so this simple gesture - regardless of how silly they look right now- meant a lot to him.

His eyes were barely open and he appeared content. It may have to do with the slight pressure on his horn and how good it felt, but the serenity didn't last for long. Not when Gamzee suggested that he should express himself again, and considering how well it went down a few minutes ago, Tavros is highly skeptical about this.

Still, he couldn't deny his brother a request, especially when he was trying to reach out to him. Should he lie, then? He's not sure if he can even do such a thing! This kid was far too honest for his own good, but if he expressed himself it will surely piss off the highblood again. Oh god, what to do?! ]

Uhhhhh-

[ He bites his lips. Nope. Showing uncertainty didn't go so well for him the last time. He'll just have to keep his mouth shut, consider his words very wisely before speaking again. But ... What should he say?? He couldn't talk about his stupid feelings again, and he couldn't talk about how worried he is because Gamzee is probably sick of hearing it. Should he talk about how fucking paranoid he is about leaving this place and the only thing Gamzee will remember is how he fucked things between them? ... Or maybe discuss about how he pathetically needed him right now?

Nope! So what can he say??? Ugh. ]

... I don't know.

I think I need to figure out what I truly want, before saying anything. I want a lot of things right now, and I need to be more reasonable and considering.

One thing for sure, brother, is I can't afford to lose you. I can ... handle you getting angry, just as long as we work it out and be bros again. I guess I-- depend on you more than I should, and I just want to be useful to you too.

[ He swallowed thickly, feeling somewhat ill. He didn't mean to sound that pathetic, and it's really embarrassing. ]

Edited 2012-07-22 20:16 (UTC)

[Gamzee drew in a breath.]

[Oh.]

[He swallowed, causing his Adam's apple to bounce awkwardly against that horn. A while ago, Gamzee would have given a lot to hear Tavros say that he didn't want to lose him, that he depended on him. He still wanted to hear it, and his blood pusher still jumped into his throat and his face still got warm behind his paint when he'd heard it. He hadn't felt it in a long time, because they hadn't really come close to talking about things like this in ages. He certainly didn't think it would come up after he'd awoken in the Tower.]

You ain't gonna lose me, motherfucker. You all fuckin' ain't, what's for motherfucking sure. Don't know... I don't all fucking know what the fuck I'd be doing if I weren't to be having you around no more.

[Gamzee turned his head to the side, resting his cheek on Tavros' horn, now.]

And I be meaning every fuckin' word on that noise, brother. Even if I be not my motherfucking self, not the bro you all be, like... used to slamming with or nothing, even if I got the crazies in me something motherfuckin' wicked, it ain't gonna change how I, uh.

Feel.

[ 'I care about you, too'.

Can he say it? ... Can he? Hell, is he even allowed to hint it?

He failed to keep his eyes open now that he got the troll leaning on him like that, subconsciously matching his gesture and tilting his head just enough to make it more comfortable for the both of them-- and maybe seek a better feel of the warmth of Gamzee's cheek against his horn. Because!!

But, before he gets too comfortable, he figured he should respond to his brother, and maybe find a common ground for them to agree on and settle this. He didn't want to walk away from their little twist of events without clearing out all confusion to avoid any awkwardness in the future- but that is unlikely to happen given the circumstances.

Still, he had to try!

He nods slowly, somewhat kicking his feet back and forth under the table before muffling against his arms. ]

It won't change how I ... feel about you either. You'll still be my best bro.

[ Even if that's all they could ever be, he was cool with it. ]

[A quite audible sigh came to a stuttering halt right before it passed through Gamzee's lips. Stop. It would only make things worse. This was so difficult, being right here, right now. He'd thought living with the knowledge that Tavros would never want anything to do with him in a more flushed manner was hard enough, but having the small, slight glimmer of hope presented to him - knowing he would probably be able to coax it out, tend to it until they'd both shared all of what was on their minds and came to a more red resolution - and then choosing to turn a blind eye to it? Was torture.]

[But, he smiled. There was really no other option. What if he did pour his heart out to the boy? What if it was more than just an offhand solicitation spewed by a high-off-his-ass kid with a blinding flushcrush in the wake of an emotionally-charged rap-off? What good would it have done? It would have subjected Tavros to all of the shit Gamzee had discovered, but not understood in the slightest, about himself in these past five months. That was no miracle. And that was something not even Karkat needed to be subjected to. The thing with Karkat, though, was that Gamzee had no choice. Sure, his pale feelings were as strong there as his flushed ones were here. But having Karkat as just a friend would not keep him as sane as he needed to be. Even if it was bad for Karkat to be quadranted to him, it would be worse for everyone else if he weren't.]

[This quadrant he was able to forsake, even if he did it very, very ruefully.]

[But, gods, Tavros' eyes were fluttering shut, and his face was pushed up against his arms in a way that made his little cheeks puff up and Gamzee had been closer to him than he had ever been able to get outside of a brohug and... what would happen if he just... slid the rest of the way down his horn and kissed his cheek? That... that wouldn't be so bad, right?]

[Just, as friends?]

[Uh-huh. As friends. Right.]

[Forget it, asshole.]

[Instead, Gamzee placed a hand on Tavros' back, giving it an affectionate rub to go along with the smile that no one was seeing because the only person it was directed to had his eyes closed.]

That's all I motherfuckin' need, my brother.

Heh, that's good ...

[ Even if he couldn't see the smile on Gamzee's face, he can certainly sense it in the warmth of his tone and the soothing touch on his back. It brought a smile to his face, his cheeks taking a lighter shade of orange as he relished a rare moment of serenity.

You know ... all he needs to do is forget, and maybe in time, it could be a thing he can accomplish. Still, the lowblood was far too smitten by the tiniest gestures it was almost hopeless. It's not like he ever had anyone to pamper him this way-- other than his lusus maybe. A little nuzzle here and there is all he managed to get, and maybe when he really needs it, he gets to cuddle with tiny Tinkerbull, but even back then he didn't enjoy being such a burden. It got worst when he couldn't use his legs, and he forcefully learned to suck it up and stop being so dependent on his lusus or ... anyone else. Due to his gentle personality and paralysis, troll society is convinced he's not worth a whole lot. And he almost believed it, but then-

Enter Gamzee Makara.

Don't get him wrong, Tavros had a lot of good friends. Aradia, Kanaya and Nepeta ( Vriska maybe )- they had moments of showing amazing support, but Gamzee is ... different. He was always there, even when he didn't ask for it. He just made him so ridiculously happy, and it only takes one of his clumsy grins to get the job done.

So, if Gamzee is still smiling around him and being this close, he figured it can't be that bad! Yes, he wanted more, but Tavros is not greedy, and he can certainly find happiness with what they have right now. So, it's going to be okay- he comforted himself. It's going to be okay.

.... Why does it still hurt?

When he snapped out of it, Tavros was almost convinced he had passed out and hoped it was only for a few seconds and not an awkward long time. He coughs before letting out a small chuckle, feeling embarrassed. Okay, joke about it quick! ]

Did I snore?

Edited 2012-07-24 17:32 (UTC)

[Gamzee was in the middle of trying to figure out how long he could leave his hand on Tavros' back without the kid turning to look at him like he was a creeper. It turned out to be an absurdly long time, but then he noticed the rise and fall of his breathing against that hand had slowed considerably. Had he...?]

[Oh, was that the most adorable thing he had ever seen.]

[Gamzee lifted his hand from Tavros' back, sitting there patiently, contentedly. The poor boy must have been so stressed out, so tired from all the shit they'd been put through. And then this whole thing on top of everything else? He'd been harping at Gamzee to get some rest, when he was the one that really needed it. Instead of folding his arm back underneath his horn with the other, he lifted it higher, running those bony fingers of his through the fluffy mohawk on the top of the boy's head. Touching him this way wouldn't hurt either of them if Tavros didn't know about it, right? Gamzee could just... pretend. For a second. That this wasn't creepy as hell.]

[The methodical, repetitive motion of carding through Tavros' hair soon sent Gamzee to lay his head on his horn once more, eyes drifting shut himself.]

[He woke before Tavros, if only shortly. His arm had fallen to his side, one of them still hooked beneath the horn his head had been sleeping on. How... long had they been out? Looking around the library provided no clues, because this place was always Snoozeville at any time of the day or night. Tavros' voice roused him from his remaining sleepiness, and he turned his head to respond, grinning wryly.]

Only the most miraculous of snores this brother was all ever to be gettin' stuck in his ducts. You slam in your sleep, motherfucker. You ever know that?

[ His muscles ... hurt.

It only means they've probably been out cold for an hour or so, maybe less or more, he couldn't tell, but it was long enough to get his muscles all stiff and sore. They're not in the best position to be napping, and it wasn't his intention, but he'll blame it on that awesome back rubs he was receiving earlier. Still, it didn't stop him from smiling as he tried to look at his brother ... without poking him with his horn of course. ]

Only when I'm really drained, bro! Not sure about 'slamming' but -- I tend to kick around in my sleep, and maybe snore a little. I don't know, never heard myself sleeping, that would be weird ...

[ What is he even talking about?!! Gosh, he is still trying to shake off the exhaustion and there's a stupid grin on his face to match it because his buddy is probably just as tired as him. It was no surprise, considering the shit Gamzee went through. Without changing positions, Tavros managed to unfold his arms, resting his chin directly against the surface of the table before he stretched his arms forward, his legs following the lead as well. Stretching, feeling his muscles coming back to life and then flopping down to his sides lazily.

He tries to look at his brother again. ]

Did you manage to get any rest at all? If you're still sleepy-

Edited 2012-07-24 20:33 (UTC)

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Done.

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