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[givesyouaboner]

Specifically for the occupants of 2-10
<sub>[When Dirk awakens and can't move at first, he finds himself panicking. This isn't something that normally happens, so it's a huge relief when he actually is able to move. Immediately, he's able to tell he's not where he should be. His memory is a little hazy due to the fact he's still waking up, but he knows that the last thing he was doing, which certainly wasn't sleeping. Who could sleep when their home was under attack?

The letters he finds answers a few of the initial questions he has, but it leaves a billion more unanswered. His world was destroyed? Given the state it was in, he isn't surprised, but he was supposed to get into the game first. He's pretty sure this isn't it. This is horribly disconcerting, because he can't help but wonder about his friends. Did they make it to safety? Are they here?

After another few moments, he's aware he's not the only person in the room either. Well then.]</sub>

...Who are you people.



Network; open.
I'm not entirely sure what is going here, so perhaps someone can shed some light on this situation.
How is it that I've arrived here?
I'm finding the information provided by the welcoming committee highly doubtful for a multitude of reasons that I don't have time to get into at this time.
With that, I'll cut to the chase; in the off-chance that it's actually correct, that my world was destroyed, I must ask.
Does anyone know Roxy Lalonde, Jake English, Jane Crocker and their whereabouts?

Comments

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[givesyouaboner]

Think of the material your generation left us, Rose.
That's why we had to use to educate ourselves.
You got your educational songs from Barney and the Backyardigans.
We had Ke$ha.

I guess you'll have to wait and see for that as well.

_{[And with that, he ends the conversation in favour of wandering the hallway to find the stairs. It takes him but a few minutes to get to the first floor; it's only one beneath his anyway. It's really just a matter of finding Rose.]}

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[restitchtime]

[it's not too hard to spot her - she's the only girl in dumb anime shades using any of the computer terminals at the moment. she's alternately between scrolling through the network and playing solitaire, waiting for her newest addition to Alternate Universe Bingo to make an appearance.]

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[givesyouaboner]

_{[No one but a Strider can pull of those shades, so Dirk knows exactly who to approach.]}

Solitaire? You know how to pass the time, don't you.

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[restitchtime]

[she makes a point of finishing the game before turning her attention to him.

fuck, he looked like Bro. it was unexpected and more than a little unsettling.]

Damn right I do. There's a reason they put that shitty game on ever computer, and it's not a lack of creativity.

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[givesyouaboner]

Obviously. That's what MS Paint is for.

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[restitchtime]

Yeah, that's pretty much the graveyard of artistic talent. Enter at your own peril and all that shit.

[givesyouaboner]

You know your shit.

[restitchtime]

Not much else to do but bone up on useless trivia around here. Shit kind of piles up after a while.

[givesyouaboner]

I know a thing or two about that. Sometimes all there is to do is learn about everything there is to know about anything.

[restitchtime]

That or wreck shit, and for some reason people get kind of pissy about that idea around here. God knows why.

[givesyouaboner]

But that's obvious, Rose. Everything here is just so invaluable; look at all the Tower has provided for everyone. Wrecking shit is just so ungrateful.

[restitchtime]

I guess you're right, now that I think about it. Must be that in this entire tower I'm the only selfish bitch around with horrible deviant ideas like that. I'd almost feel ashamed if I had a conscience left.

[givesyouaboner]

Oh yes, you're absolutely dreadful. I should be disappointed knowing you're so ungrateful, but what can I say. I'm an asshole.

[restitchtime]

Shit runs in the family, unfortunately. Can't fight what's wired into you so you might as well just learn to live with it.

[givesyouaboner]

If you can't beat it, might as well exploit the shit out of it and be the biggest assholes ever.

_{[Yup, he's definitely liking her style.]}

[restitchtime]

Damn right. Only a complete idiot would try and ignore what's basically free license to do whatever the hell you want if you play it right.

[you're pretty all right yourself, glasses asshole]

tmw you're waiting on a tag and then realised your forgot to hit submit /)_<

[givesyouaboner]

Exactly. Luckily, idiocy isn't a Strider trait. If that ever was the case, in the most unironic of levels, said Strider would lose their Stridership.

_{[He's just being ridiculous right now but he doesn't care.]}

yeah, i've been there

[restitchtime]

Doesn't mean you can't skate the edge every now and then. I can think of a couple asshole Striders who teeter every now and then.

[HER BRO IS A DICK SHE HATES HIIIIIIIIIM

and is also being pretty ridiculous atm but gives exactly zero fucks]

it happens more than i'd like to admit

[givesyouaboner]

Nah, that's legit. It's only once they cross that line. Then they're forced into joining the English Brigade.

_{[SHE CAN'T POSSIBLY MEAN THE DIRK HE'S ROOMING WITH. he's so amazing and not a disappointment at all and omg seriously Dirk is glad his older!alternate self isn't lame.]}

your secret's safe with me :|b

[restitchtime]

Or the Egbert Corps if they really fuck up.

[IT'S TOO LATE FOR YOU AS WELL SON

SHE'LL POUR OUT A GOOD ONE FOR THE AMAZING PERSON YOU COULD HAVE BEEN :,(]

u3u ty

[givesyouaboner]

Which is the worst; once they're there, it's no going back ever. They're the laughingstock of the entire company.

_{[C'MON, ROSIE, GIVE HIM A CHANCE.]}

np np

[restitchtime]

And eventually they even stop being funny and you can't help but feel bad for how fucking low they've sunk. It's a bunch of bad shit all around.

[HE'S DEAD IN HER EYES FROM THIS MOMENT ONWARD]

[givesyouaboner]

All that's left for is to mourn for their once awesome memory and click our tongues.

_{[HE DOESN'T EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT HE'S DONE. ARE YOU EXPECTING TO JUMP THE SELF-LOATHING BANDWAGON?]}

[restitchtime]

And maybe write a book about the whole catastrophe and get fucking rich off their misfortune.

[SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD IDEA LET'S GO FOR IT]

[givesyouaboner]

Then adapt it into a series of films to further humiliate them; it'd instantly become popular among those who can't even read.

_{[WHO KNEW HAVING AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE SIS-SLASH-TECHNICALLY-ECTOBIOLOGICAL-DAUGHTER WOULD BE SO DIFFICULT.]}