animus_network | One Smuppet [Text/Action]

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One Smuppet [Text/Action]

[If you're in room 2 - 10 then you are perfectly free to bother him. He's already woken up and gotten acquainted with one roommate of his and now he's not doing a whole lot. It's a good time to introduce yourself, if you want.]
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[Network Post]

so.
id really just like to know who the actual fuck has enough power to remove somebody from am sburb session.
like im not an expert on sburb or anything.
but that shit seems like it should be impossible.
and way to go dipshits but the earth was already destroyed.
and youre not the one who did that.
so there we go ive caught you in your fucking lie.
but its whatever.
ill go along with it for now.
i mean youve clearly got the most sugoi of fashion senses.
white spandex.
yellow collar.
i just feel so goddamn beautiful in it you have no idea.
k but seriously im pissed off.
i go from one shitty situation to the next.
when the hell does a bro get a break.
apparently the answer to that is never.
fuck me i need a beer.
where can i find a beer.
please tell me this place has fucking booze.

also dave.
you here.
because if youre not.

im wrecking their shit.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[it's not her Bro. it's not her Bro. Rose is seriously tempted to fall to the ground and proceed to have sloppy makeouts with it at this rare and beautiful stroke of luck granted to her by the machinations of the universe. oh god this is the best possible outcome of a Bro being dragged here.

if she plays this shit right he'll have no reason to bother her. she can't avoid the post, though, since she knows that Bro will run into her sooner or later and if she doesn't play in an arena she's got a little control over her slim chance is gone. so. time to work some magic.]

Better get used to being in a constant state of pissiness, because this shithole likes to start off slow and then amp it up to eleven. The laws of common courtesy are no match for the juggernaut of uncreative horror they've got rolling through here.

But hey, who knows? Maybe they'll put acid beer on the menu next week and you can get smashed and burn a hole in your esophagus at the same time.

oh shit acid beer.
thats my fav.
howd you know i was craving that?

so anyway spill the beans.
i already met my dave so which one are you.
because apparently theres a lot of daves.
how am i supposed to handle all of you guys.
strife orgy on the roof sounds about right.
my weeks gonna be so damn full getting quality time with all you bros.

It's my psychic abilities acting up again, sorry. Sometimes I can't restrain it and I just start spewing predictions all over total strangers.

I'm the best Dave of all, which is of course not actually Dave in any fucking sense of the word. Have fun with the underage violence orgy though, I'm sure it'll be a fucking blast.

fuck.
i guess if i want to keep my deep dark secret cravings to myself i need to invest in a magneto helmet or something.
or hell why dont you just get cured you mutie freak.

yes.
yes it will.
and its obvious you think youre too good for this little orgy.
in which case i say youre wrong.
attendance is mandatory.
because i get the distinct feeling you are a strider.
call it a hunch.
or maybe psychic powers run in the family and im a mutie freak too.
who knows.
youre coming.

Mutant and proud, you bigoted asshole. I don't have to change just to fit your stupid views of the world.

You are literally the worst psychic I've ever run into then, and that's counting the gypsy freaks who grab your hand and babble while their kids try to pick your pockets. Just because I use red like your shitty brood doesn't mean I've got anything to do with them. Beat yourselves to death fifteen times over, I don't really give a fuck - but I'm not joining in.

ok i may be a pretty shit psychic but i think im pretty good at making logical assumptions.
and considering the fact there are apparently a million little daves running around here without a bro to guide them...
and the fact that youre using the exact same red that dave uses.
and the fact you sound a lot like him.
i think its safe to say that youre some form of dave.
and wow im disappointed in you.
a dave who doesnt wanna strife.
youre acting like such a prissy little bitch.
well prissy bitch dave youre gonna come and youre gonna like it.
even if i have to drag you by the ear like an angry mother.

Yes, because only Daves are allowed to be snarky assholes and type in red at the same time. Jesus fucking christ, how could I have been so blind my whole life? No wonder I've always had such difficult self-image issues - I'm not actually me, I'm Dave Strider. Thank you so much for illuminating me.

But since I probably used too many big words on that little reply already, let me try and chop it down the next one into something you can handle: I'm not coming and you couldn't make me even if you tried.

you make it sound like being dave is a bad thing.
christ.
also youre really damn defensive over this.
you should in fact be honoured that i mistook you for dave.

since youre oh so clearly not dave then do me a solid.
who are you really if not prissy bitch dave?

and yes.
yes i could.
and im going to.

Honored to be mistaken for that arrogant douchebag? I'd have rather you thought I was Hitler resurrected and surfing the torture tower forums for new ideas for Holocaust II.

I'm someone who wants absolutely nothing to do with you, that's who I am.

You couldn't and you won't.

bitch please.
i will have my army of daves kidnap you.
dont test me.

Those assholes? You'd have better luck with a troupe of organ-grinding monkeys.

even a troupe of organ-grinding monkeys could take you down with me as their leader.

Yeah? I don't see why a slightly bigger monkey at the reigns would give them an edge.

oh cute.
well not!dave tell me one thing.
you seem to think you know me really damn well.
and if thats the case.
how are you not a strider?
i think its safe to say i caught you in your lie.
it was a shitty lie.
it was bound to be pooper scoopered away sometime.
i have the scooper.
your shit is now in the toxic wastebin.

Oh, sorry. Was I supposed to be pretending that you were some mysterious figure that nobody could ever hope to understand? My bad.

Give me a second and we can rewind this conversation with me pretending to be totally braindead and unable to make really obvious inferences from your responses.

you can say all you want about me.
idgaf.
but its the stridenial that really hurts my soul.
i thought you were proud to be a strider bro.
what the hell happened.

The appropriate answer is probably something along the lines of 'hit my second birthday and developed common sense' but who knows? Considering you've done nothing but strike out this entire conversation I'm not surprised you're still harping on the Strider thing.

well duh of course im gonna be harping on the strider thing.
the strider thing which you just admitted was true.
youre a strider.
wow you are a bitchy strider.
i think its safe to say i need to kick strider pride back into you.
youre definitely coming to the orgy now.

I'm the only goddamn Strider with any fucking common sense, that's for sure. You can fuck right off because I'm not going anywhere with you.

ok no seriously this is kind of ridic.
what the fuck is your problem.
it was cute at first and now its just kind of a pain in the ass.

I don't have a fucking problem, I just don't want to deal with you and your bullshit. My stay at torture tower is enough of a migraine, you can lay off.

you do have a fucking problem.
you should be thanking me.
all my supposed bullshit is probably the only reason the goddamn monsters in this place havent eaten your ass.
or well YOUR bros bullshit.
since i guess im not him or something.
the point stands.
you ungrateful little asshole.

I'd rather have those shits pick apart my innards every day of my life if it meant never having come into contact with you. Any iteration of you.

You irresponsible jackass.

[He would never admit it, but... Wow, this is getting to him way, way more than it should. This isn't his... sibling, since he's not even sure who the hell this actually is. So why is it getting to him? It should be pissing him off, instead it's doing the complete opposite.]

last time i checked youre still alive.
must not have screwed up too damn bad huh?

I'm alive despite growing up with you, not because of it. Don't you dare try and take credit for that.

One Smuppet [Text/Action]

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