animus_network | One Smuppet [Text/Action]

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One Smuppet [Text/Action]

[If you're in room 2 - 10 then you are perfectly free to bother him. He's already woken up and gotten acquainted with one roommate of his and now he's not doing a whole lot. It's a good time to introduce yourself, if you want.]
-
[Network Post]

so.
id really just like to know who the actual fuck has enough power to remove somebody from am sburb session.
like im not an expert on sburb or anything.
but that shit seems like it should be impossible.
and way to go dipshits but the earth was already destroyed.
and youre not the one who did that.
so there we go ive caught you in your fucking lie.
but its whatever.
ill go along with it for now.
i mean youve clearly got the most sugoi of fashion senses.
white spandex.
yellow collar.
i just feel so goddamn beautiful in it you have no idea.
k but seriously im pissed off.
i go from one shitty situation to the next.
when the hell does a bro get a break.
apparently the answer to that is never.
fuck me i need a beer.
where can i find a beer.
please tell me this place has fucking booze.

also dave.
you here.
because if youre not.

im wrecking their shit.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

wwoww okay lets go in order

takin people out a sburb/sgrub? apparently gets easier each time
theres a fuckload a us around

destroyed wworld? make that more like Univverse actually

sugoi fashion sense? i havve no fuckin clue wwhat the fuck sugoi evven means
but im gonna hope its a wweird human wword for shitty as fuck

beer an booze? pretty sure theres none around
sorry

davve? davve is here
im roommin wwith the guy
but he threatens to Punch Me In The Face
if i call him anythin other than davvid
you a friend a his?
you dont type like any a his friends

oh
or maybe youre from Another Univverse an youre lookin for Another Davve
god
i fuckin keep forgettin about keepin multiple realities straight
thats the stuff only a Space player should havve to wwworry about
fuck

uh
is that all?
also
hi

wouldnt have it any other way.
you lead ill follow.

what.

what.

sugoi means amazing.

what.

what the fuck.

what even the actual what fuck.

also hello there.

neat
Lets See

yep

pretty much

sarcasm then
ill sit here an believve that wwas sarcasm
because anyone wwho thinks that Crime Against Fashion is amazin
deservves a fuckin Headshot
no questions asked

yeah
gotta keep it all Kid Friendly ya knoww
monsters an all kind a gory horrors? awwesome
booze? oh my god Think A The Children

that is in fact the Most Appropriate Reaction
wwhen it comes to davvid lalonde

oh yeah
guess wwhat
theres not only entirely different timelines for shit
theres also Entirely Different Univverses

names eridan
got somethin to call you besides The WWhat Man?
though to be fair
you do wwhat rather Nicely

yeah i like this method.
it makes things so much less confusing than they already are.
lets keep at it.

fantastic.

perfect. i mean just.
ive always wanted the universe to end.
so youre saying were in a different universe entirely.
seems really fucking legit if you ask me.
i mean really.
if sburbs possible then yeah.
oh my fuck this is stupid.

wow what are you serious.
are you just really fucking serious right now.
no booze.
i cant drink.
they destroyed the universe and dont even have the courtesy to let a man drown his sorrows in drunken agony.
they are just so fucking considerate arent they.
but hey if theyre trying to keep it kid friendly does that mean like.
no sex allowed.
because if i cant have sex im gonna be one pissed off motherfucker.
except not really because then i couldnt fuck mothers.

david lalonde.
his name is david lalonde.
ok then.

see above re: seems legit.

strider.
bro strider.

lame james bond parodies aside yeah i guess its nice to meet you eridan.
even though yknow.
you just dropped the worlds biggest shit on my face with all this information.
i cant say your ass smells pleasant either.
but whatever i guess i cant kill the messenger.

[Please wait while I spam and Dave has a mental freakout over everything.]

[NOPE. NOPE NOPE NOPE. You're dead. You're supposed to be dead. Why are you alive?

Wait this isn't a bad thing.

It's a terrible thing. Dave isn't ready for this. He just got returned from being a shitty wind up toy and fuck Fuckkkk.]

[He doesn't want Bro here. Bro would see how uncool he's gotten.

And Bro would have to deal with all this shit. What is he supposed to do?]

[Maybe...he should just not reply to Bro. Pretend he isn't here.

Fat chance that will work.]

[Shit.]

youre late
ive been chilling here for months
reading working up a fanbase and everything
took you long enough to get here
leaving a bro hanging and all
but crisis adverted
no shit has to be wrecked now

months?
now i know theyre lying harder because if they took you.
and destroyed the universe.
then im pretty fucking sure id have noticed.
either way though its good youre here.
id hate to have to get blood on this outfit.
pretty sure itd ruin it.

[Read: He's glad you're alright and that they didn't, y'know, destroy the universe with you still in it.]

oh confusin
yes
this place is All About Fuckin Confusin

wwait until you get a chance to meet yerself
its alwways VVery Special

stupid aint the wword I WWould Use
but sure
lets keep it Kid Friendly
legit or not
its wwhats been established so far
Fuck
theyvve evven got a floor for you to go an WWatch Your WWasteland
i mean
wworld

okay
Eww
I Did Not Need to think about Gross Human Fuckin
fuck

see the point about havvin a convversation wwith yerself
wwith yerself from Another Univverse
wwhere youre just not entirely Different Bloodcolor
but habitat

Strider huh
evverythin makes sense noww

an hell
youre the one wwith the questions
im just the one wwith some answwers an nothin to do all day
so theres tha

...wwait
fuck
Fuck
Youre
Jades Bro
arent you
SHIT

the problem with this place is it kind of just grabs people than spits them out
they just come and go but i definitely always thought this was all a load of shit anyways
even if you went on some righteous path to destroy whatever gets in your way it would be pretty useless
no one can really get close to the people that run it
weve kind of tried but it wasnt very pretty

[He's glad this is over text. He doesn't have to try and keep face.]

[ Hold up, homie here has to struggle to get this text thing going. and might accidentally be getting it stuck on capslock. whoopsy. ]

WHAT IS SBURB? BE IT SOME MORTAL PASTIME ACTIVITY?

whoa whoa whoa.
i did not sign up for this.
i refuse to be spit out of anywhere like a microscopic vore reject.
they can either swallow me whole or leave me the fuck alone.
jesus shitting dicks this is fucked up.

what dyou mean it wasnt pretty.
like how ugly are we talking.
your first dates got a pimple the size of texas ugly.
or you just saw an old womans saggy wrinkled tits ugly.

the guys are certified assholes
youre free to send in complaints but they probably just use them to fuel their fireplaces as they cackle and watch us squirm
its disgusting
also kind of annoying mostly

like you just saw an old mans wrinkly dick about to get friendly with your plush rump ugly

oh ive been there and done that.
he wears a cute little shirt with a hat.
totally a thing i did a long time ago.
but then polos stole my heart and the rest is history.

ok the more you talk about it the less this place makes sense.
so you wanna just stop talking about shit in a vague kinda way.
what dyou mean theres a floor where you can see your world?
i dont get it.
and thats saying a lot because i get everything.
even if i dont.

also why the hell would you not want to think about human fucki-
wait you say that.
as if youre an alien.
oh my christ youre an alien arent you.
this whole thing just decided to get even more fucked up.
and yet.
i am so not even surprised.
at all.

what the fuck are you talking about you freaky little alien.
im not jades bro.
im daves bro.
i thought that much was fucking obvious.

FIRST OFF WHY DONT YOU TELL ME WHY YOURE YELLING.
MY EYES ARE GONNA GO DEAF IF YOU DONT STOP.

kidnappers who take complaints.
how charming.
and yes disgusting and annoying sounds about right.

oh fuck.
that bad.

but anyway can i get more deets than that because if you were involved in something nasty i think i need to know about it.

I AM NOT YELLING I AM WRITING
EYES CANNOT GO DEAF, WHAT MANNER OF CREATURE ARE YOU THAT EYES HEAR?

YOU ARE DEFINITELY YELLING.
THIS THING THAT YOURE DOING IS YELLING.
CHECK YOUR KEYBOARD FOR THE THING CALLED CAPSLOCK.

I AM A STRIDER.
WE HAVE SENSITIVE YES OK.
GOSH.

[ Okay, hold up, hold up, he's going to need a minute, as he's trying to master the hunt-and-peck method here. AH. CAPSLOCK. FOUND IT. Okay, we're good now. ]

i have located it! many thanks! had i known the larger format passed as offensive in your culture i would have seen an end to it sooner.

my apologies to your kind. might i know how i should address you, strider? [ because everyone is their race before they get a name ]

[Is this guy even actually for real.]

is this your first time on the internet.
or well.
ok i guess this is not technically the internet.
but whatever.
you are coming off as such a noob.

...
bro.
i am bro of the species known as strider.
we live on the planet known as fuckaroo.
in the milkysplooge galaxy.

polos are Okay i guess
but Jackets an Scarvves is wwhere true lovve is at

sorry
im kind a the designated Cagey Bastard
comes along wwith bein the Time player
sometimes its hard to turn it off
lets see
this towwer here has like a Fuckton a Floors
an evvery floor defies physics an common sense so much
its not defiance as much as Violent Rape WWith A Deathsaww
you should do some explorin
makes the rest a the bullshit seem comparativvely more legit
but dont go out at night unless you can kick a Reasonable Amount A Ass in a fight
because theres monsters an shit Crawwlin All Ovver The Place
vvery kid friendly that

as fer the rest
hang on

[Suddenly there's video! Of a grey-skinned alien kid with wwavvy candy corn horns and a stripe of jade green in his hair! Also, sunglasses and a killer red jacket. And a grey scarf. And a wry grin chock full of needle-sharp fangs. The killer shades are just the cherry on top.]

Time travelin' alien from an alternate universe. You rang?

[He drops the grin.]

The Dave I know doesn't have a bro. He probably wouldn't be as much a' an ornery fucker if he did.

[Pause.]

Well, okay, Jade can be ornery as fuck too, but at least he---I mean she, is a bro.

yea
these guys are something
on the upside
the tower has some cool shit so it isnt all bad
just mostly bad

its not really easy to explain
since everything kind of changes depending on whos in charge
but most of it kind of just sucks
but i can deal

[He's really hoping you don't have the determination to look back on the network. There's some stuff on it he rather you not actually see.

Also lying. He is the best liar.]

nothing i cant handle
you prepared me for the worst shit

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

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One Smuppet [Text/Action]

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okay no im done welp

cries quietly

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shh only feels now

text; idek

all my feels

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ffff

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:'D

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