animus_network | One Smuppet [Text/Action]

[If you're in room 2 - 10 then you are perfectly free to bother him. He's already woken up and gotten acquainted with one roommate of his and now he's not doing a whole lot. It's a good time to introduce yourself, if you want.]
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[Network Post]

so.
id really just like to know who the actual fuck has enough power to remove somebody from am sburb session.
like im not an expert on sburb or anything.
but that shit seems like it should be impossible.
and way to go dipshits but the earth was already destroyed.
and youre not the one who did that.
so there we go ive caught you in your fucking lie.
but its whatever.
ill go along with it for now.
i mean youve clearly got the most sugoi of fashion senses.
white spandex.
yellow collar.
i just feel so goddamn beautiful in it you have no idea.
k but seriously im pissed off.
i go from one shitty situation to the next.
when the hell does a bro get a break.
apparently the answer to that is never.
fuck me i need a beer.
where can i find a beer.
please tell me this place has fucking booze.

also dave.
you here.
because if youre not.

im wrecking their shit.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

oh ive been there and done that.
he wears a cute little shirt with a hat.
totally a thing i did a long time ago.
but then polos stole my heart and the rest is history.

ok the more you talk about it the less this place makes sense.
so you wanna just stop talking about shit in a vague kinda way.
what dyou mean theres a floor where you can see your world?
i dont get it.
and thats saying a lot because i get everything.
even if i dont.

also why the hell would you not want to think about human fucki-
wait you say that.
as if youre an alien.
oh my christ youre an alien arent you.
this whole thing just decided to get even more fucked up.
and yet.
i am so not even surprised.
at all.

what the fuck are you talking about you freaky little alien.
im not jades bro.
im daves bro.
i thought that much was fucking obvious.

polos are Okay i guess
but Jackets an Scarvves is wwhere true lovve is at

sorry
im kind a the designated Cagey Bastard
comes along wwith bein the Time player
sometimes its hard to turn it off
lets see
this towwer here has like a Fuckton a Floors
an evvery floor defies physics an common sense so much
its not defiance as much as Violent Rape WWith A Deathsaww
you should do some explorin
makes the rest a the bullshit seem comparativvely more legit
but dont go out at night unless you can kick a Reasonable Amount A Ass in a fight
because theres monsters an shit Crawwlin All Ovver The Place
vvery kid friendly that

as fer the rest
hang on

[Suddenly there's video! Of a grey-skinned alien kid with wwavvy candy corn horns and a stripe of jade green in his hair! Also, sunglasses and a killer red jacket. And a grey scarf. And a wry grin chock full of needle-sharp fangs. The killer shades are just the cherry on top.]

Time travelin' alien from an alternate universe. You rang?

[He drops the grin.]

The Dave I know doesn't have a bro. He probably wouldn't be as much a' an ornery fucker if he did.

[Pause.]

Well, okay, Jade can be ornery as fuck too, but at least he---I mean she, is a bro.

[He had every intention of responding to all of that text, but then the kid had to go and switch to video and throw aaall of that out the window. Because he may have said he wasn't surprised, but upon finding out that yeah, the guy is an alien, he actually is pretty surprised. But when he himself switches to video, it's pokerface like usual.]

Well hot damn, you really are an alien. A time traveling alien? Oh shit, are you the Doctor?

The what.

[He doesn't have anywhere near your pokerface, bro. But his deadpan is kind of legendary.]

[When he speaks, it's with a mock british accent.

A pretty damn good one too.]

The Doctor! Where's your TARDIS?

...I think you get the prize for fastest human who started talking about shit I don't understand.

The hell is a Tardis an' why would I even have one?

... You're a really shitty alien if you don't have a clue what I'm talking about.

I'm a real shitty alien an' not knowin' the hell you're talkin' about has nothin' to do with it.

So you agree, you think you're a shitty alien?

[ S H R U G ]

I'm more 'a universal failure, to be honest. Like, if failure were a sport, I'd be undisputed champion.

Wow.

Just wow. You have major self esteem issues, don't you? I mean, to the point that it's almost depressing.

Almost.

I mean you'd have to buy me a drink first before I start really having feelings up in my kokoro.

...more than depressin', I consider it fair warnin'.

[A snort. And here, have some more flat deadpanning:]

I'm almost afraid 'a askin' what the fuck's a kokoro. Are we goin' to start talkin' about gross human reproduction again? Because if that's a thing we're doin', I'm gonna stick my fingers into my ears an' repeat the words "timeloops justify this fuckery" in a really high pitched, mildly panicked voice til you're done.

[Pause.]

An' then I'm gonna go puke everythin' I've eaten in the past two days.

Edited 2012-07-11 04:26 (UTC)

Wow holy fuck oh my god no, dude. No. First of all, are we even sexually compatible? I mean, not that I'm averse to finding out, but like. Wow, you're jumping to conclusions faster than a whore getting down on her knees.

[Just. This face. For a long moment. And then.]

...ew.

Hey, you started it, I was just finishing it.

I can show you my kokoro if you're curious.

Edited 2012-07-11 04:41 (UTC)

[Flatly.]

An' I can shoot your fuckin' head off, but I think it's best if neither 'a us does.

Oh. Oh. Haaah.

It's cute that you think you can land a hit on me. Adorable, really. But c'mon, I know you're just dying to get a peek at my kokoro.

Um, no. Not really.

[Innocently.]

An' I probably could, but Jade would kill me for it. You're not supposed to shoot the bro 'a bro even if it's the wrong bro.

Are you suuuure?

Also, no. No, you really couldn't. I promise. It's still really, really cute that you think you can. Oh nooo, I think the kokoro's starting to go doki doki because it's that cute.

...pretty fuckin' sure.

[A shudder turn shrug.]

Eh, doesn't really matter though.

[He opens his mouth. Reconsiders the value of Good to see you alive and for once in his sorry life decides to shut it without sticking his foot so far down his throat it comes out of his nose.]

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