animus_network | two ♓ video;

'Semblance' seems like a pretty good word for it. I'm a semblance.

_{[Feferi pretty much captured her feelings in one. Sayaka couldn't have expressed it as well herself, considering dwelling on it enough to talk about just makes everything feel too real again to even describe.]}

[Feferi doesn't even bother replying over the network. She's knocking at Sayaka's door a minute later.]

Sayaka? It's me...

--oh!

_{[Oh, hey, that was fast. Sayaka's opened the door to let Feferi in a few moments, looking a little nervous - being bitter (if honest) over the network is a lot easier than saying something like that to someone in person.]}

Uh, come in. Hi, Feferi.

[Feferi just pulls Sayaka into a hug without even saying anything.]

You're not a semblance of anything. You were so strong, so brave - I wish I'd done half the things you had, in there. I am so proud of you.

_{[Well, this is a surprise. Sayaka stalls a few seconds in surprise, then reciprocates the hug fiercely - she'd been there, and damn, if anybody needed a hug after all that mess, it was Feferi.]}

--Hey, we said we'd make it. We did.

[In truth? She thinks they both need it.] We did. Fought every inch of the way, but we did it. You don't have a damn thing to be ashamed of.

pretty sure im ok
im more pissed about it than traumatized
funny how that works
guy did a better job with his lame ass battle royale than turning us into their army of shitty horrorterror toys
...

[Maybe that was insensitive and soon enough you hear Dave's voice.]

Glad you're...uhh semblance? You kind of got hit pretty bad. I'd probably be less okay if I had to deal with what you had too.

Being pissed? I'd say that's a good thing.

[She manages a chortle.]

I'm not nearly all right, but all I can do is try to deal. One day at a time, in the horrorterror circle of life.

It's not really doing wonders for my perfect complexion. They obviously didn't take into consideration of my very fragile physique.

Can we put a ban on horrorterror talk? I mean at least for a little while. I had enough problems with them when I had to make bff with them to make the map. The nightmare fuel is basically unlimited right now.

Except I wish I had them now, considering everything here is a load of shit.

What does not kill you makes you stronger.

I suppose that's one way to look at it.

I think learning from your wounds tends to be more beneficial than laying down and licking them.

And who says I'm doing that?

In the end and in all things you can either sink or swim. There is no middle ground. To just paddle in place is to tire yourself out and move towards drowning.

And you aren't swimming from the description you just gave.

...in my society, my guardian creature had the ability to kill every other creature in the galaxy via a psychic shockwave. When I was operated on, I was given that ability.

Having the weight of so many worlds on my shoulders is not something I can just laugh away.

No. Perhaps it isn't.

Then again. Perhaps you misjudge it's own severity.

I don't think that I do. I think life is something to be treasured, not taken lightly.

I am from Alternia and there is no need to be sorry young one. Our displacement in this tower is not your fault.

Edited 2012-07-05 18:16 (UTC)

From Alternia? Reely? Oh my glub...w-who...?

I am called The Signless.

[Give her a minute. She's a little surprised, a little shocked, and that may be a fangirl squeal.]

It's an honor. My name is Feferi Peixes.

[He has to chuckle at that, but it is unheard.]

It is a blessing to meet you Feferi Peixes.
I'm glad to see that it is such an honor.
Most do not feel the same way, especially those of our species.

No, no, the blessing is all mine. I - I can't believe I'm talking to you right now. It's such - I don't think I have words.

I...am not sure why it is such a speechless moment for you.
You are a troll I can see, but your blood color...it is not that of a lower blood?
How do you know of me when you yourself are so young?
I know of a younger troll by the name of Sollux. I met him here and he told me a minimal amount about your lives.

I...They tried to silence your words completely. But those of us above a certain rank on the spectrum could access them. It was meant as a 'this is what to stamp out' thing, but in my case, it served as a 'this is what I want to do' thing instead. It's like meeting my inspiration.

...wait. Sollux is here? He was here right when I arrived, a couple of months ago, but then he disappeared...

[His words. They have meaning within this high blood, he beams beneath the shadow of his cloak and allows a soft tear to shy down his cheek. His dream had come true or so it seemed, but he wasn't going to assume the worst. ]

I am honored to hear such words. I had no idea that would be a vision for someone of your blood color.
I do apologize I do not mean to judge, but it is hard and yet relieving to hear this.
My dream has come true. If it is not too much to ask can you tell me more about your time on Alternia.

I saw him a week or so ago. I do not know if he is still present.

Edited 2012-07-06 07:34 (UTC)

It's what I've worked for as soon as I found Disciple's journal. I couldn't put it down. I kept it in a safe plaice, so if I couldn't sleep, I'd just read until I felt better.

I - Alternia wasn't an easy plaice to grow up. After the Summoner's rebellion, the Empress sent all the adult trolls away, to serve in the Fleet. That left us young ones to grow up with only our lusii to guide us. All the while, she kept pushing the boundaries, kept weakening the link with our shared lusus. It fell to me to keep her fed, keep her calm, keep her quiet.

...I hope he's...not that I want him to be here, but I want to see him.

Ah, the Disciple she certainly has a way with her scripture.
It is good to hear that our words have not been lost to the generations. It was as I had predicted, but I did not know it had come true.

Condescension, it comes as no surprise that, this is what it has resulted to in her continued rule.
It seems she will try anything to keep her rule constant.

I hope he is all well. I'm sure your paths will cross in time.

That she does. But I admire all of you, and all your strength. It's been a comfort and an inspiration both. Thank you for that.

It's very true. Crush those with any ideas that differ from hers, maintain the status quo at all cost. It was always my destiny to go against her, and while I never relished the thought of bloodshed, the thought of setting things right meant everything.

...mm. I hope so. I really do.

You are very welcome, but please accept my thanks as well.

Bloodshed is not the answer for anything. I did not fight and allowed my words and beliefs to become my weapon. In the end it looks to have made a difference.
Even though our world has ended, there is still hope here for us to work together and find a new shelter in which we may come to call home.
In the meantime I plan to offer what help that I can to those who need it.
To earn the trust of others and to start towards a common goal.

Edited 2012-07-07 20:09 (UTC)

I wasn't given a choice. From the time I was old enough to understand, my lusus told me that when I was of age, we would duel each other for the throne. If we didn't, she would kill every other creature in the galaxy via a psychic shockwave. It was the choice of having the blood of one person on my hands versus the blood of many lives.

I wish things could have been different for me.

...though...I don't know if this place itself is the safest place to call a new home. Using it to find one might be better.

So your destiny was decided before you had a chance to change it. I am sorry to hear that. It is a great burden to have and I wish I could change it for you.
I know how it feels to be responsible for the lives of others. I wish not to know what will happen to my closest followers if we were captured by the highbloods.

You are right. This place is not safe, but we can find a new.

[ That tired expression has Homura worried. As much as she wants to ignore it, she simply can't. ]

Can I do anything for you, Feferi?

I...mm. It's going to take time, more than anything else. The physical wounds have healed, but the mental ones will take a long time, I'm afraid.

... I understand. Please take your time. I am here if you should need anything.

Thank you, Homura. I really appreciate that.

You have no reason to thank me. Well then. I will not disturb you any further.

[Oh, someone seems to have smeared a great big ball of awkward all over your computer screen. Sorry about that, Feferi.]

What about you, Empress? Have you recovered?

[He sounds... worried. He saw what had happened to Jason's people. It, uh, didn't go well for him, and he couldn't imagine being inside that thing was any better.]

[But there's also a scared tinge to his voice that he's trying to keep down, because looking at her is still giving him all those gut reactions that say things like "RUN, RUN, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE" and whatnot. But... this isn't the same Feferi. It's nowhere near the same Feferi, obviously, since this was... well, the Empress Feferi. (The wrong Empress, but an Empress nonetheless. It seemed like if he insulted one, he insulted the other.) He owed -- at least -- civil treatment to her, on so many levels it wasn't even funny.]

[It's okay, Equius. She's seen worse splattered across walls over the past month.]

Physically, yes. I'm quite glad I'm no longer a walking horrorterror or a plush mockery of one. It was...it was difficult, not letting anything resembling a Vast Glub go off. It wasn't that I didn't want to be merciful. I just didn't want to risk knowing what they would do if we revived. It would have, I suspect, been worse for everyone,

So...physically? Yes. Mentally? I'm working on that part.

How are you holding up?

[True that.]

[His face falls steadily further as she continues, only just managing to snap himself into response mode when she asks her own question. He wasn't doing too well either, what with the weeks of frayed nerves and no sleep whatsoever and complete bastardization of Space itself spilling out of every orifice and the EYES OH GOD THE EYES, but... the Vast Glub. That was worse. So he tries his best to keep the abuse off his face, and responds with:] ...I am doing well. Thank you.

You don't look like it - if I can be frank, you look exhausted in a way no troll should ever look. Is it okay if I ask what happened in there? We all suffered. I don't think any one person's suffering is worse than anyone else's. Every single one of us had horribubble conditions.

[... She asked him directly. He can't refuse.]

[Regardless, he speaks slowly, taking pauses every few words to ensure he doesn't completely unravel in front of her. That would be so embarrassing. He would gleefully die rather than do that.]

I... was in Riki's pod for the duration of the experiment. I don't know if you are aware of the conditions in that pod, so forgive me if I am repeating myself, but... it was all wrong. Every single piece of the mathematical and physical constructs of those rooms was wrong. I mean... objects rolled on flat surfaces, moving towards the center of the room. Walls had pulses -- they breathed. Corners shifted and changed degrees constantly. One could hardly even look around the room without massive vertigo, because nothing was even stable enough to keep a form for more than a few seconds. And... it was terrible, Empress, you... you don't have any idea, I'm-- I'm. Well. I'm the Space player. And whatever Riki did was... unnatural, it was unnatural on so many levels. He broke Space, Empress.

[And that's not even going into what happened with Ruana. But he suddenly becomes aware that he just delivered a giant monologue to the future Empress of the Alternian Empire, but not his future Empress of the Alternian Empire, and promptly shuts up.]

[Feferi is silent as Equius speaks, listening to every word. There are moments where she wants to protest, to tell him that wasn't so bad, but she doesn't. A Space player knows what's right and wrong with things in that area better than anyone else, and she manages to hold her tongue long enough to make that leap of logic.]

...I'm sorry. I'm our session's Life player, and I...I think I get it. Jason broke Life, perverted Life, for us. And Riki perverted, twisted, broke Space for you. And to think that Ruana girl treated it like the funniest game ever makes my food storage patch churn in ways it shouldn't.

[It... yeah, it was bad. Even for normal people it caused serious disruptions in the way their minds could function. But then, Equius figured, he did not know what it was like to be consumed in Jason's experimentation like she did, even if he had seen it from the outside. As if to compensate for the massive word dump he just piled on her, his next response is short and to the point.]

...Yes. I see how her being in charge has affected the Tower, now.

She's completely insane. To think that kind of sick competition was in any way all right...to experiment on us like that, whether it's breaking Space, doing things that violate the very principles of Life, make us afraid to take a Breath, to attempt to crush the Mind, bring us into a Rage, make us lose all Hope, break each Heart, draw our Blood, have us think we're in a Void, make us see our Doom, make us curse every second of Time that passed, and make us think the Light was extinguished...

[If she could hug him, she would. Instead, she sighs, making a soft shooshing noise.]

We proved we're stronger than that, though.

[Good thing she can't. He'd probably flip his lid completely. He does catch the shooshing noise (ouch, right in the kokoro), but doesn't mention it.]

...How? By just living through it... that doesn't mean anything.

It means everything. We get stronger with every experience we go through. If they break our spirit, they break everything. I don't want that to happen to any of us.

[He's about to argue back with something like "It's a little late for that," but her words make him pause. Feferi gets a short gap before the next transmission comes through.]

That is a very tall order.

[Deep breath.]

But... I think you are capable of using your power for good.

Should you need my help, I would be honored to serve you, Empress.

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