001 | text

[reddeadvirtuoso]

is it too much to ask for a little fanfare for the end of the universe?
i mean come on im out there busting my ass to do damage to an oversized electronic that a two year old could do with gravity a hard floor and fifteen seconds of irresponsible parenting
the least i could get is some fucking fireworks when the universe ejects you from existence!
but fine whatever
first order of business
who the fuck took my shovel?
you give me my gun and my rad pjs and you dont give me my shovel thats stupid
second order of business dont step on the black globs
it sucks and its stupid
third order of business dont eat the eggs here theyre fucking nasty
like seriously poultry doesnt even come in that color
maybe they made it from the black globs

Comments

[text forever woo!]

[chronomancer]

...jade?

EXCELLENT

[reddeadvirtuoso]

what up movie star

[chronomancer]

oh fuck

[text]

[absolute_perception]

Black globs? Bad eggs? I'm sorry, I don't understand what you mean by that. I have yet to leave my room. Did you receive that strange letter as well?

[reddeadvirtuoso]

rude :|

[chronomancer]

you havve really No Idea

[text]

[reddeadvirtuoso]

you wake up in a foreign bedroom and your first instinct is to check your email instead of looking around?
way to be a hermit dude
w/e theres these stupid inky black masses
you step on them and they decide your foot is a tasty snack
re: it sucks
theres eggs in the cafeteria and theyre gross
its as obvious as it sounds

[reddeadvirtuoso]

well ive kinda been busy hitting the reset button on skaia
makes it kind of hard to keep up with the news
did i miss another school shootout or something

[locked]

[chronomancer]

do you wwant the Good newws
the Bad newws
or the holy shit eri please shoot my fuckin head off newws?

[text]

[absolute_perception]

[There is a ten minute pause before Elian responds again.]

The letter was the first thing I saw.
Highly viscous. Not sentient. They seem to be everywhere from what I was able to sense.
I appreciate the warning.

[locked]

[reddeadvirtuoso]

if you shot me i think id just grow it back or something
so thatd be kind of stupid
news reports never have good news so hit me with good-bad in rapid succession

[text]

[reddeadvirtuoso]

no problemo
anyways yeah the letter
saw it read it bought the fancy collar accessory to go with it
cant say im surprised

[text]

[absolute_perception]

The collar is unattractive at best.
I'll avoid the eggs.
I don't mean to be rude, but do you have any idea what the collar is for?

[locked]

[chronomancer]

davvid is here
alivve an
wwell
Okay
not Fine because fine an lalonde dont belong in the same fuckin Univverse but
hes doin Better
i think

ivve been here 171 days
evven though i wwas busy doin some Scratchin
myself
before landin here
an i can tell you the place Fuckin Sucks Shit like a pro

some a my friends are here too
wwhich brings us to the Let Us Shoot Ourselvves point
theyre not from the same timeframe
fuck
i think they might not evven be from the same Timeline
wwhich makes it Awwkwward
an potentially murderhappy
so could you
Please
not mention the fact theyre
wwell
Dead
to them?
i still havvent devveloped a taste for dyin yet

[text]

[reddeadvirtuoso]

not a clue
something that evil and scifi looking its probably not good though
tried getting it off and got nowhere
but it doesnt seem to do something obviously horrible yet

[knightime]

the amount of bright fucking red text inhabiting this place is off the charts
too many striders in this torture tower
jesus fuck
im just gonna go out on a limb
haha that would be funny like a week ago fuck me
jade strider
welcome to the tower
its full of lying cheating voyeurs
most of their schedule includes assaulting our poor minds with rate b horror effects and plots

[locked]

[reddeadvirtuoso]

holy shit
are you serious?
i
cool

[Hang on, she's gotta take a minute to process that her stupid grimdark bro is actually alive and mildly well.]

so what you pull some kind of timey wimey bullshit to get here before i did?
but yeah no problem
my lips are sealed
kind of sounds like a stupid idea to tell a bunch of asshole grey aliens that hey spoilers youre all dead
knifed by a salad fork to kingdom come
dont worry im not that stupid

[reddeadvirtuoso]

what
the fuck are you on im an only child
thanks for the welcome weird red text using alter-self
i guess? >:|
sounds like some kind of shitty summer block buster
fuck their schedules i didnt sign up to be an extra

[locked]

[chronomancer]

am i Evver not serious?
he got here about the same time i did
...im roomin wwith him

[Oh god. Here we go...]

please dont Mention that
She wwas here Before
just
for a little wwhile
an things wwere Okay
Almost

they dont knoww they die jade
not for Sure
so
For Their Owwn Good
lets keep it that wway

[locked]

[reddeadvirtuoso]

good
dont bash his head in
he doesnt need another grimderp makeover

the tree-hugger was here?
well
'gratz on not getting forked again? [She tries.]

dont worry im pretty sure its some kind of time travel rule that you cant tell people when/if they die
like deaths time travel exemption law
see i know that much at least

[knightime]

say that to like the other four striders frolicking about
spoiler
im one of them
im not really an alternate version of you
alternate version of someone else
the only thing that makes us the same is probably our aspect and the last names
i was hoping the first jade id be talking to would be different
and once again all the alternate universe bullshit does nothing but cause a hell lot of more problems than usual
no one is surprised
no one probably even cares at this point
you might want to take that statement back
being in the spotlight isnt all that amazing
it actually sucks more than anything
you dont want to be their favorites
who knows what sick torture fantasies they jack off too for being their favorites
wow i think i just squicked myself out at the thought of a grown man jacking off to torturing thirteen year olds
sure did just give myself nightmare fuel

[reddeadvirtuoso]

well excuse me princess for not being the jade of your dreams :|
id say id try harder but youre right about the fact that i really dont give a fuck
if youre dave youre probably the alternate of my bro dave lalonde
oh scuse me
david
fancy prissy boy will get on my ass for calling him by that plebeian nickname!
but if youre the time guy this is sounding about right
congratulations you have permanently shaped the mental image of this impressionable young thirteen year olds view of towerland
remind me to call to catch a predator when they start to electroshock us through the evil scifi collars

[text]

[absolute_perception]

I see. Thank you.
Under the circumstances, I suppose it was nice meeting you albeit through text. I'll keep my eyes open should you post again.
Good luck finding a shovel.

[locked]

[chronomancer]

One Hundred Sevventy One Days
an i havvent slammed his head into a wwall
not evven Attempted to
i think wwell be Alright

[You cannot see him wincing.]

yeah
tree-hugger an i kind a Talked
about Things
you knoww this an that
an then wwe decided to be moirails Again
so no
No nonconsensual forkin wwas done

[Well, it's true. The one forking he got, he asked for it!]

Good
wwoww
its almost as if at Some Point you listened to me Strider
im so Proud

[knightime]

hes talked about you before
something about squiddles and shit or whatever
good for you that im a patient guy
and i actually rather people dont magically wind up in this shit hole
hahaha fuck
ill let you in on a little secret
david and i got married
it was a beautiful ceremony
he wore the dress
strike up the banoh hell no i am not referencing that song
sorry you werent invited
youll have to bring it up with him
he now goes by david dave lalondestrider the third
its really pretentious and kind of fucking ridiculous
but i deal since were in gay love with each other
dave strider
david is a stupid name
my name isnt even david
its just dave
people who assume its short for david need to go suck a dick
your welcome
i try
but the collars dont actually do much
we get regular check ups and shit but they havent really done much
the only time shit went down was when they switched the colors and everyones powers basically went fucking nuts
things might have happened while we got tossed into some pods but i was a pod person
youll have to ask someone who got stuck here for a month
oh look im being marginally helpful
lalonde would be proud right now
or psychoanalyzing it as some hidden desire of some sort
same diff