animus_network | 001

Entry tags:

001 | text

is it too much to ask for a little fanfare for the end of the universe?
i mean come on im out there busting my ass to do damage to an oversized electronic that a two year old could do with gravity a hard floor and fifteen seconds of irresponsible parenting
the least i could get is some fucking fireworks when the universe ejects you from existence!
but fine whatever
first order of business
who the fuck took my shovel?
you give me my gun and my rad pjs and you dont give me my shovel thats stupid
second order of business dont step on the black globs
it sucks and its stupid
third order of business dont eat the eggs here theyre fucking nasty
like seriously poultry doesnt even come in that color
maybe they made it from the black globs

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

One Hundred Sevventy One Days
an i havvent slammed his head into a wwall
not evven Attempted to
i think wwell be Alright

[You cannot see him wincing.]

yeah
tree-hugger an i kind a Talked
about Things
you knoww this an that
an then wwe decided to be moirails Again
so no
No nonconsensual forkin wwas done

[Well, it's true. The one forking he got, he asked for it!]

Good
wwoww
its almost as if at Some Point you listened to me Strider
im so Proud

is keeping track of every day a time lord thing
because i dont even know if its like thursday or saturday or what
kudos though

moirails you mean the weird platonic boyfriend girlfriend thing?
idk i kinda zoned out on the section about troll romance because it was balls to the wall boring
as long as youre not getting forked all night long

no way man this is some quality strider wisdom right here
100% uninfluenced by annoying green aliens with some kind of stuttering russian accent
i assure you in the universal transition i am just as much of a numbskull as ever

its more a an Eri Is Goin Shithivve Maggots An Copin thing
Actually
but its okay
i pretty much just shot my problems awway Last WWeek

[Because that is totally reassuring, right.]

lets just say shes my Pale Soul Sister
an leavve it at that
not that it matters much since shes Gone
at least thats one fuckup i managed to fix somehoww

oh yeah
Strider WWisdom alri

[Yeah, have. Er. A faceful of alien kid darkleerin' over the rim of his glasses.]

I do not stutter.

[Uh, yes, he does. He's trying to break the habit. 's why that little bit stood up so much.]

flawless strider wisdom

[And that's about as much as she gets out, because a moment or so of silence on her end, and she finally flips the video function on herself, very obviously trying to stifle some giggles behind her scarf, which was now pulled up to cover the bottom half of her face.]

Nice hair, movie star.

[Why yes, this was the first time she'd actually seen him.]

[He doesn't stutter, but you know what he does do? Deadpan. Like a pro.]

I know, that's why it looks that way.

[That better not be a cheap shot at his hair, dammit, his vanity will not stand to be slighted. Then he smirks, baring his fangs.]

Tell me all about that Strider wisdom, Jade-bro.

[Damn straight it was a cheap shot--]

It consists of only the most reasonable and logical methods of deduction that consist of doing the exact opposite of stupid aliens with green hair highlights.

One, it ain't highlights. Two, fuck you. Three, it looks awesome. Four, seriously, fuck you. Five, I'm not stupid, I'm just a grubfuckin' moron.

[He makes a point of arching both eyebrows. Really, Jade, you should already know this.]

There's a difference.

Grubfucking sounds both stupid and like it should be illegal.

[Insights From A Time Traveling Idiot.]

Fuck as many grubs as you want, you still have hair like an 80s greaser.

I wouldn't start bitchin' about hair if I were you, Jade.

Fuck you, my hair is quintessential cool kid, and also from this century.

Didn't know human fashion was all about fighting scissors - and losing.

[He offered a grin full of teeth.]

I've been enlightened.

I'll have you know I am a goddamn master when it comes to the human sport of scissor-fighting, greaser boy.

[HARUMPH]

Of course you are, that's why you can't even tell the difference between grease and hair gel. You know, that thing civilized people use to make sure their hair does not look like unruly greenery?

[Man, if you think his hair is greasy, wait til you meet Gamzee.]

You're the one with green hair bro, don't talk to me about greenery.

[Never letting that go.]

And my hair isn't unruly, it's just stylishly messy.

...seriously? That was unironically the worst excuse for bad hair I've ever heard.

It was totally ironic. Come on Eri, get with the subtleties. Also your hair is still worse.

[VERBAL Z-SNAP.]

[The most innocent of faces goes here.]

So wait, if defending your hair is irony does that mean your hair is undefendable? Because I'd believe that.

[He grins, mouthful of ~~needles~~ teeth.]

You're just jealous your hair isn't naturally this awesome.

.....

[ON SECOND THOUGHT SHE'S REALLY BAD AT THIS IRONY THING AUGH]

You just said you used hair gel, that's not natural.

[Sullenly.]

...the green is.

[ERI Y U SAD NOW THAT'S NOT FUN 8(]

See you are part plant. Case rested.

[She's not going to address your suddenly sullen tone because feelings are lame.]

[He's a sullen brat, let him be. Also, you offend his hair, okay. Except now he's just confused. An eyebrow arches above the rim of his sunglasses.]

I'm wwhat noww.

[Never letting him be.]

You're like a plant, alien mutant hybrid. Can you do photosynthesis through your hair?

Uh. No. Not at all. Not really. What the fuck.

Sounds totally legit to me. Explains everything.

It does not!

[So indignant!]

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