001 | text

[reddeadvirtuoso]

is it too much to ask for a little fanfare for the end of the universe?
i mean come on im out there busting my ass to do damage to an oversized electronic that a two year old could do with gravity a hard floor and fifteen seconds of irresponsible parenting
the least i could get is some fucking fireworks when the universe ejects you from existence!
but fine whatever
first order of business
who the fuck took my shovel?
you give me my gun and my rad pjs and you dont give me my shovel thats stupid
second order of business dont step on the black globs
it sucks and its stupid
third order of business dont eat the eggs here theyre fucking nasty
like seriously poultry doesnt even come in that color
maybe they made it from the black globs

Comments

[text forever woo!]

[chronomancer]

...jade?

EXCELLENT

[reddeadvirtuoso]

what up movie star

[chronomancer]

oh fuck

[reddeadvirtuoso]

rude :|

[text]

[absolute_perception]

Black globs? Bad eggs? I'm sorry, I don't understand what you mean by that. I have yet to leave my room. Did you receive that strange letter as well?

[text]

[reddeadvirtuoso]

you wake up in a foreign bedroom and your first instinct is to check your email instead of looking around?
way to be a hermit dude
w/e theres these stupid inky black masses
you step on them and they decide your foot is a tasty snack
re: it sucks
theres eggs in the cafeteria and theyre gross
its as obvious as it sounds

[text]

[absolute_perception]

[There is a ten minute pause before Elian responds again.]

The letter was the first thing I saw.
Highly viscous. Not sentient. They seem to be everywhere from what I was able to sense.
I appreciate the warning.

[text]

[reddeadvirtuoso]

no problemo
anyways yeah the letter
saw it read it bought the fancy collar accessory to go with it
cant say im surprised

[knightime]

the amount of bright fucking red text inhabiting this place is off the charts
too many striders in this torture tower
jesus fuck
im just gonna go out on a limb
haha that would be funny like a week ago fuck me
jade strider
welcome to the tower
its full of lying cheating voyeurs
most of their schedule includes assaulting our poor minds with rate b horror effects and plots

[reddeadvirtuoso]

what
the fuck are you on im an only child
thanks for the welcome weird red text using alter-self
i guess? >:|
sounds like some kind of shitty summer block buster
fuck their schedules i didnt sign up to be an extra

[knightime]

say that to like the other four striders frolicking about
spoiler
im one of them
im not really an alternate version of you
alternate version of someone else
the only thing that makes us the same is probably our aspect and the last names
i was hoping the first jade id be talking to would be different
and once again all the alternate universe bullshit does nothing but cause a hell lot of more problems than usual
no one is surprised
no one probably even cares at this point
you might want to take that statement back
being in the spotlight isnt all that amazing
it actually sucks more than anything
you dont want to be their favorites
who knows what sick torture fantasies they jack off too for being their favorites
wow i think i just squicked myself out at the thought of a grown man jacking off to torturing thirteen year olds
sure did just give myself nightmare fuel

[reddeadvirtuoso]

well excuse me princess for not being the jade of your dreams :|
id say id try harder but youre right about the fact that i really dont give a fuck
if youre dave youre probably the alternate of my bro dave lalonde
oh scuse me
david
fancy prissy boy will get on my ass for calling him by that plebeian nickname!
but if youre the time guy this is sounding about right
congratulations you have permanently shaped the mental image of this impressionable young thirteen year olds view of towerland
remind me to call to catch a predator when they start to electroshock us through the evil scifi collars

anon text ect you know the drill

[nodeviations]

...is the font and color a trend, or do a good half of you come from the same world?

At this point, I am beginning to debate if our kidnappers have a preference for colorful thirteen year olds.

flashy red non-anon text

[reddeadvirtuoso]

the font is a slick computerized masterpiece
the color is the computerized way of expressing individuality style and flare
its the only way against the cold hard computer screen
except the real answer is because were 13 year olds on the internet and were fucking bored :|
if this is such a growing concern though then i really am gonna need to catch a predator on speed dial
or a pistol so i can shoot them in the balls

[Text]

[alephbet]

Your shovel is that important to you? I don't know what kind of gardening you'd get done here.

[text]

[reddeadvirtuoso]

not for gardening
for shoveling dead doomed selves
rule number one of a wannabe time lord always have a shovel on hand!
never know when youre gonna fuck up the timeline and look at yourself bleeding on the ground

[text]

[alephbet]

Doesn't sound pleasant. I've never messed with time magic so I couldn't say from experience.

[tortileghostwriter]

[oh thank dear gods]

at last
that insufferably incendiary shade is actually a sight for sore eyes and not a spectacular eyesore what a remarkable change of pace this has been
i see that my carmine counterpart has begun getting you up to speed so i am going to move past that for now

hello strider

[reddeadvirtuoso]

[SORRY DAH-VEED NO TIME FOR YOUR PRETENTIOUS BULLSHIT!!]

dave you ok

[Eridan already said he was better but considering the last time she saw him his skin was dark grey and he had weird lines on his face and she was about to orchestrate the end of their universe, it was best to double check.]

[tortileghostwriter]

oh yes im absolutely fine
better than fine simply superlative in fact
why the past several months have been nothing but comfortable relaxation under the grandiose generosity and downright humbling hospitality of our ever so gracious and benevolent hosts even if their activity choices leave much to be desired to put it mildly
but thats such a minor complaint that it scarcely bears mentioning
i dont know where anyone would get the idea otherwise in their heads how simply absurd or even quixotic i dare to say while imagining that the man of la mancha was being reflected in an entirely lucid mirror of broken glass thus lending opposite credence to the words impact

im fine
clearly as you can see everythings fine
everything is fine and nothing is in shambles
especially not myself

[He knows Jade is going to call him on this and it's dripping with usual sarcasm, even if he went out of his way to stick a confusingly-worded contradiction of most of the bullshit he just spewed in there.

But even after all of this, he really can't bring himself to be open. At least not where others might see.]

text;

[restitchtime]

If this asinine bullshit is a taste of what we've got to expect from you in the future then do everybody a favor and stick your hands in the nearest set of rotating blades. There's enough idiots in the tower shooting their mouths off that we don't need anymore.

perma-text

[reddeadvirtuoso]

gonna go ahead and put that on my list of shit not to do thx

[restitchtime]

Then shut the fuck up with dumbass posts like this and maybe someone will actually feel bad and help you when it happens anyway.

[Text]

[daddydeathscythe]

I didn't take your shovel!
What would I do with a shovel?
What would any of us do with a shovel? We're trapped in a tower.

But if I see it, I'll let you know.

[text]

[reddeadvirtuoso]

idk bury a dead body with it?
thats what i do with it
maybe youre a ravenous gardener that needs to plant pumpkins for the winter
pretty sure i saw dirt on the long trek around here
or you could just beat people up with it i guess
and then use it to bury the body
perfect crime