1st leaf | [video/text]

[tortileghostwriter]

[The video turns on at first to show a kid that...well, he looks a lot like Dave Strider, except not. No shades, lighter skin, lighter hair, purple eyes...hell, he looks just as much like Rose Lalonde. He looks angry, unamused, and very, very tired. With a very new side dose of slight surprise at realizing the video had already begun recording.]

Ugh, I knew that I should have just gone with text...

[Said quietly, mostly to himself. More like a more erudite, non-Texan Dave. With an echo? Huh. Must just be the mic. Yeah, sure. He cuts the feed, shortly followed by this message.]


i will readily admit that being pulled from a null universe doomed to be yet another footnote in the annals of paradox space and into whatever dimension that this tower occupies was quite felicitous indeed
auspicious even
certainly adventitious if only by its very nature
and i suppose that i owe our assuredly ever so gracious hosts some credit in that regard
however
i have business to attend to in the incipisphere
more specifically the land of crystal and mirage
and i will simply not be kept from it
so i believe that my first order of business will be to proceed to aggrieve aggress and attack
until i have stolen away the secrets that this infernal place has to hide
as i said to strider once before
lets rock the fucking house

Comments

[parappa-strider.livejournal.com]

[Dave grumbles and switches over to video, giving a rather unamused scowl at the camera.]

You know, usually with Rose I pretend to fully comprehend every word that comes out of her mouth, but it gets tiresome trying to devour the whole fucking dictionary, you know. And when someone is trying to impersonate me while using that language, it's fucking intolerable.

And don't you dare fucking call me a failure.

[tortileghostwriter]

[He just flips to video himself. Just as unamused. Enter trolling mode. ]

Tch, it's as if Jade began wearing my face. I'm hardly impersonating you, if any impersonation is occurring, then it's entirely on your behalf.

[parappa-strider.livejournal.com]

I'm the one and only original Dave around here, I don't know what the hell you're talking about.

Also to say I look like Jade is one of the most ironic descriptions of me I've ever heard. I guess you get some Strider points for that, if not for the fact that you sound like you're being completely fucking serious.

Okay, I'm chalking this up to Rose getting some cruel, cruel idea that it'd be hilarious to make fun of me to get back at me making fun of her lesbian crush or something and using magic to make herself look like me... as her... as me.

[It's totally plausible shut up.]

[tortileghostwriter]

Jade is the Strider I know. And... well, by some definitions of irony, certainly. A shame, the word is bandied about so much these days by people who clearly haven't the slightest idea of what it means.

I assure you, however, that as irritating as it is, I'm being entirely serious.

[And a slight quirk of the mouth.]

And unfortunately, you're very far off from the mark. Care to try again, David? Or is it simply Dave, as I'm hearing from your cohorts? My word, Mr. Strider must be much more unimaginative than I'd given him credit for.

[parappa-strider.livejournal.com]

[He looks irritated as all hell. Just who did this guy think he was.]

Oh my god don't ever call me David that name is fucking lame as shit. It's just Dave, plain and simple. D A V E.

Also if you think I'm stupid or some shit then hah, you're misinformed as fuck. I know the goddamn definition of irony, and I am not fuckin' misusing it, I'll tell you that much.

The Jade I know is a Harley. Jade Harley. And she's just about as opposite of me as you can get... except for perhaps Egbert, that guy's pretty much everything I'm not.

So yes, it's ironic that you would compare me to something I'm the exact opposite of, you jackass.

[tortileghostwriter]

[The real Dave, that's who.]

Given your doubtlessly lacking taste as a Strider, I can see how you might draw that completely atrocious conclusion.

[Looking and sounding incredibly bored now, just pretending to examine the back of one hand.]

It's hardly an ironic statement. I was comparing you to Jade Strider, not your Harley. The statement stands as sincere, Strider.

[parappa-strider.livejournal.com]

Here, you want goddamn irony?

Time. You're wasting my fucking time. Which is really fucking saying something since, as the Knight of Time, it's the only thing I've got a limitless supply of.

So fuck off, asshole.

[He angrily shuts off the feed by slamming his fist into the terminal.]

[tortileghostwriter]

[Welp.

Marking this one down as a win.]