002 | TEXT

[reddeadvirtuoso]

so first
my names not dave strider lets get that out of the way immediately before i get anyone coming on here going
dave is that you???
cause its not
im jade
alternate universe bullshit
ok cool introductions out of the way
more importantly
does anyone know how to deal with a freaky darkness horrorterror possessing someone?
like i guess
does anyone know an exorcist?
or is an exorcist?
cause i got a friend here with a spooky brain tumor and we think it would be best if it went the fuck away
unfortunately i know shit all about horrorterrors and darknessy demon cult bullshit
except for what i saw in thirteen ghosts
but that movie was shit
and i dont think he wants his head doing a 360 :/
so yeah if anyone knows how to depossesify someone
thatd be great!

Comments

[reddeadvirtuoso]

blah blah blah
some statement about the human condition and the current state of our medical institute
etc etc
and then five different words to mean "shit sucks"
i think weve got ourselves a smash hit

[restitchtime]

You forgot about the tearful last paragraphs talking about tentacle porn and the power of friendship.

...on second thought, that's probably just my purple asshole. Yeah, let's let them figure that out and skip right to the editing stage.

[reddeadvirtuoso]

no im pretty sure tentacle porn comes with the territory of being a lalonderific purple asshole
power of friendship though might be a bit more of a steep order
dont worry well hire some goody two shoes around here and make it fit

[restitchtime]

I wouldn't really know, I don't make a habit of talking with them if I can help it. Pity conversations don't mean I have to fucking enjoy them and look for repeats.

Just so long as we keep them as far away as fucking possible. I really don't feel like wading through more Pollyanna blind optimism bullshit.

[reddeadvirtuoso]

im pretty sure if we let them TOO close theyd ruin the whole dark state of the human condition thing
and probably interpret it as like
the scars of happiness!
or something?
so we absolutely cant have that
theyll be banned from the debut

[restitchtime]

Fuck, the worst part is I know somebody who'd probably try and explain them as that. Keep those assholes in the background in cheerleader uniforms or whatever where they fucking belong.

[reddeadvirtuoso]

haha fucking weak
im sure we can find some shiney tinsel pompoms to keep them distracted while they RAMP UP THE PEP

[restitchtime]

Don't laugh too hard, asshole, she's technically you.

But that ought to do the trick. Just make sure they don't spread fucking poisonous dust when they're shaken or some shit like that; I wouldn't put it past this hellhole.

[reddeadvirtuoso]

hey the asshole that i know thats technically you spends her time flying around making loop de loops and praising the literally value of choose your own adventure books

murder cheerleaders
this place has officially reached either an all time low or an all time high

[restitchtime]

Oh no, paradox space continues it grand pattern of making every other alternate iteration of myself a complete and total waste of cells. I'm so totally burned by that that I'll need to go sit in a corner and cry for a while.

I don't know, I'm pretty sure that someone's probably already done that before. People can be pretty fucking stupid.

[reddeadvirtuoso]

and i hope youll think about what you have/havent done in the name of paradox space

sounds like it could be some scandal at the sorority house that the whole country cried for a two days

[restitchtime]

I'll think about it but you'll be waiting for a fucking eternity if you expect me to be sorry for it.

Front page news and everything. You know how America loves its Greek life.

[reddeadvirtuoso]

dont worry ive got plenty of time to spare

right above the story where a dog save some toddler from drowning at the pool

[restitchtime]

And you just got it halved for that godawful time joke. Get some fucking creativity, those aren't clever at all.

Again? Christ's sake, people really need to build better fences around that shit.