.003 ♒ chronicAugustus changed his name to cantgiveAfuck [TEXT]

[chronomancer]

oh WWell
so much for that
i guess im back noww
id ask wwhat i missed but
Really
wwhy dont i savve us all some time
ha
an just assume shit wwas throwwn into the biggest fan avvailable
good enough?

so
yeah
hi

Comments

[reddeadvirtuoso]

...was it really destroyed?

[chronomancer]

yes

[reddeadvirtuoso]

you ok?

[chronomancer]

just peachy

[reddeadvirtuoso]

dont lie to me you asshole

[Video]

[chronomancer]

[He arches an eyebrow. And for... all intents and purposes, he does look fine. Just a little colder, a little more bitter. Little things.]

You know, Jade, this bro thing doesn't work so well when you assume all I say is lies.

[He smiles, and it's a little cruel, a little too much fang in it.]

Hurts real bad when you do that, hon.

[video]

[reddeadvirtuoso]

[Oh no, she didn't like this. The last time a troll was smiling like that was Gamzee, and there was no way that guy was in his right mind. Though it takes her a minute to flip on the video herself.]

It'd work even better and hurt less if you didn't lie to me, dude. 'Cause I'm preeeetty sure you're still spouting some bullshit.

[video]

[chronomancer]

[The eyebrow inches higher.]

So what, you ain't gonna believe me until I break down cryin' like a fuckin' grub, because oh, Jade, it was so terrible and shit?

[He clutches his heart dramatically in the right places, not deadpan so much as bitingly sarcastic.]

I thought we've gotten past the "just because you don't believe me, doesn't mean I'm lying" part. Like. Wasn't that part 'a our awesome first conversation?

[video]

[reddeadvirtuoso]

Firstly, I'm pretty sure it's established that back then I was full of crap.

[For once her normally affected bored tone comes in handy, because it's helping her stay calm right now instead of just getting angry at him, which would frankly be a lot easier right now.]

I'm not expecting you to break down crying because that'd be even stupider of me. But I know you're about five steps past fine and treading close to psycho troll alien.

[video]

[chronomancer]

[Eridan grins. And it's full of teeth. Ever noticed how most of his teeth are pointed, straight fangs?]

Goes to show what you know, hon. I ain't made to do psycho troll alien. Honestly, Jade, I'm the sensible one, remember?

[The sensible one smiling in a genuinely predatory way. That ain't helping his case any, is it.]

[video]

[reddeadvirtuoso]

[Eugh, ok that grin was kind of creepy ok no, now's when she's gotta keep her cool more than ever.]

Sensible my ass. Sensible people don't advise someone to carry a shovel everywhere, and sensible people don't grin like a fucking shark when they're peachy keen.

[video]

[chronomancer]

Sensible people who are made to play that grubfuckin' game give imprudent, pink, squishy aliens sensible advice.

[He shrugs.]

Also, wow, fuckin' rude. First you pick on my hair, then you start on my teeth? What's next? I'm not grey enough for ya? Gonna start on the horns?

[A pause.]

I'll give you those, though. They're kind'a weird, all things considered.

[video]

[reddeadvirtuoso]

Your horns look like candy corn. Which is to say they look like a ten year old's Halloween candy.

[...Hey, he asked.]

And when grey, candy, greaser sharks start acting batshit, imprudent, pink squishy humans bust their ass and tell them to knock it the fuck off.

[video]

[chronomancer]

Your ethnocentrism is showin', hon.

[Nope, not offended. Would need to give a fuck to feel offended.]

Okay. I'll fuckin' play. How the hell am I even acting batshit?

[video]

[reddeadvirtuoso]

Hey, I never claimed to be PC. [CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE]

The way you're talking. Almost talking like you're Dave before he went off the deep end. Plus you're being a total asshole and the way you're grinnin' at me makes me think you want to tear out my jugular.

[video]

[chronomancer]

Call it as I see it, bro.

[He actually laughs a little at that.]

Sorry, Jade. Like you too much to do a black pass at ya. Even when you compare me to David and his shithive maggots moods.

[video]

[reddeadvirtuoso]

Aw don't go shoving your weird ass romance system as me. [Said with quite a bit of exasperation because seriously she still doesn't understand that at all it's weird.]

I'm not looking to solicit you for a hatemance, I'm looking to pound your head back into the ground before you float off the edge of the crazy cliff.

[video]

[chronomancer]

What, but I know you love to hear all about the quadrants and the over complicated ways to fuck them up that even most trolls don't understand.

[Yep, grinning and now hooking a few fangs on his lip to make said grin crooked.]

Ain't any cliff I feel like floating off, Jade. You're overreacting, hon.

[video]

[reddeadvirtuoso]

Oh yeah, it's totally the hot button topic, all I want to hear about. Gonna major in it in college. [Somehow more deadpan than her usual deadpan.]

I'm not overreacting. Fuck, you're underreacting or something. People that aren't walking towards the cliff don't grin like a nutcase.

[video]

[chronomancer]

I'll pretend I know what a college is, for the sake of your sick burns.

[He snickers.]

Jade, there's nothing to react to, don't--

[And then he stops. And frowns for a while. Then tilts his head to the side, looking a little less manic, a bit more sad and terribly confused.]

...you've never seen me smile before, have you?

[video]

[reddeadvirtuoso]

I guess not? You're not exactly a chummy dude and the first time I ever saw you was before you fucking poofed for a month to chill on a dead asteroid.

[H M P H]

[video]

[chronomancer]

It's not like I meant to leave, you know.

[He shrugs]

[video]

[reddeadvirtuoso]

So what, they just pick you up outta nowhere one day like the fucking sims and drop you in dead wonderland for no fucking reason?

[video]

[chronomancer]

Pretty much.

[video]

[reddeadvirtuoso]

That's the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard.