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NEVER HAVE I THOUGHT THAT I WOULD BE CAPABLE OF HATING ANYONE MORE THAN THE PERSON THAT I HATE MOST.
TO BE ABLE TO DO SO REQUIRES DELVING DEEP INSIDE AND REACHING A BRAND NEW TIER OF HATE.
IT IS A HATE SO RANCOROUS THAT EVEN I CAN'T COMPLETELY FATHOM IT.
THESE SHITSTAINS THAT CONTINUOUSLY REMIND ME THAT I REALLY HAD IT EASY DEALING WITH TWELVE SHITTY, UNCOOPERATIVE TROLLS JUST HAVE TAKEN MY LAST NERVE AND HAVE SPLINTERED IT, SCATTERING THE REMAINS ACROSS THE VAST REACHES OF PARADOX SPACE.
YOU THINK YOU CAN FUCK WITH MY THINKPAN AND THEN SMOOTH IT OVER BY RETURNING WHAT'S RIGHTFULLY FUCKING MINE?
YOU'RE
MOTHERFUCKING
WRONG.
BE LUCKY I CAN'T REACH YOU, BECAUSE I SWEAR THAT I WOULD TAKE THIS SICKLE AND EVISCERATE EVERY LAST FUCKING ONE OF YOU.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

THAT IS A STUPID EMOTE.
|:B

[ guess who is keeping that sickle with him at like all times? Karkat, that's who. he's in no rush to get to the 10th Floor, but he should still be there before Signless.

honestly? Karkat isn't feeling all that great. not emotionally, anyway. this is one of those things that he's still learning to deal with. Gamzee is helping, slowly aiding in Karkat accepting his "curse." doesn't mean he likes it thrown in his face, though. ]

[Signless leaves the chat as in and decides to leave the terminal. He had no idea what had been plaguing the young troll with sorrow and hate, but he was willing to find out. Willing, being used here very loosely. If Signless was a selfish troll and mixed up within his own emotions he might reamin locked away to wallow in his own sorrow. However, Signless was not one to think of himself and distract himself with the needs and concerns of others. This exactly was what he achieved to do by going to see Karkat.

He advances towards the tenth floor. As he moves towards his destination he can't help but move his fingers around an invisible weapon. How he longed for one and before he thought the need was not necessary. Simply he had gotten by with the use of teeth and claws. Though now the threat of the high bloods, one specifically, caused Signless to wish for something to allow further protection of himself and those he cared for. Once more his dismisses the thoughts, only wishing to focus on the troll he saw standing near by.

At the sight of the other he could only offer a soft smile and a gesture of a wave. ]

Good day, Karkat.

[ his hand raises, but Karkat seems to catch it and put that fucker right back down. Karkat can't be too friendly. he does have some reputation still left.

his eyes narrow though. Karkat's sharper than what some people give him credit for. he sees how his ancestor's fingers twitch. had picked up on the grouchy tone as well. something's going on there and Karkat figures he owes the troll enough to listen to that stuff.

after. ]

It's never really a good day around here. Do I have to keep calling you Signless or is there an actual name I can use here that doesn't sound so high and mighty?

[ his words have little to no bite. just conversation to avoid THE PLUNGE. ]

[He bows his head in agreement and comes to sit upon the floor. He allows himself to face the fish that surround him. Reaching out a hand he delicately runs his fingers along the surface of the water and a delicate smile dances upon his features as he sees the ripples effect upon the wall of water.

He turns his head back around to glance back at Karkat and gently pats the space beside him. A gesture for him to come sit and just relax. Well relaxing would not be on the agenda until later, this he assesses.]

I have a name, but there aren't many who know of it or really wish to call me by it.

[A pause.]

Kankri Vantas.

Don't do that too often. There are things in there that can jump out and attack.

[ he had been warned too. Karkat just thinks he can handle himself all right. that and he tries to constantly pay attention, but there are times his mind wanders and there has been a close call.

now sit Karkat does, yes. but it is in such a way that his back is not going to be exposed. he needs to see and hear.

there is a snort, though. hearing that name. Vantas. he hadn't thought that such names were shared, though he shouldn't be surprised. ]

God, Sollux would go nuts trying to figure out how to distinguish between us...

[At the warning he drops his hand and settles for just gazing out into the distant sea.]

[He shares a laugh at the amusement.]

Sollux, yes I remember meeting him briefly when I first arrived here. He is the descendent of The Psiionic, who is a dear friend of mine.

Yeah... Not sure if I met the guy or not. Gamzee gets into a lot of shit and I'm usually busy trying to soothe over what I can of that.

Wish I would have jumped on that sooner, you know? The whole moirail thing. If I had... Then maybe more of us would have lived. Then maybe the dead trolls wouldn't have been haunting me during my fucking illness.

[ there you go, ancestor troll. that is Karkat, trying to ease into the conversation without coming out and saying it. ]

[His smile falters and in the moment he tries to control the lump within his throat, fails and allows a swallow.]

I take this is what has been bothering you? Haunting during your illness?

Yeah, with some other shit. Either I couldn't find anyone in my hallucinations or I kept tripping up on all of them fucking bodies.

[ ignore some of his syntax. That is the result of hanging around the clown too much. But what he says is the truth. It's enough to make him sick all over again. All of his failures shoved in his face. All of his fears right there, taunting him. ]

There's something else but I don't expect you to get that part.

[Can he put a hand on your shoulder Karkat, cause it's what he wants to do. His hand hovers a bit above it's destination, but retreats as an after thought. Perhaps a comforting pat was not what Karkat wanted presently.

Signless frown remains instead and he clears his throat.]

Try me, I would like to hear all you have to say.

[ Signless... really? even Karkat gives a disbelieving look. whether Karkat wants a pat or not is really irrelevant, if that is a thing that ancestor troll is want to do... ]

I highly doubt you ever saw your blood color as a defect to hide..

[He keeps his hands dormant and ignores the look that Karkat grants him. Instead he decides to look out into water's abyss.]

Not as I aged, but I grew up as you did within the same culture. It wasn't until I came to understand my dreams that my blood color became something of an acceptance. I always wondered why it was my lusus decided to hide me, why we were always traveling and the reason I had to keep my blood a secret. It would be a lie to say I didn't wonder what would happen if I had been blessed with another hue and I wouldn't have to cause my lusus the trouble. She sacrificed much to make sure I survived from the very moment of my hatching, simply because of what I was.

That's... That's not the same. You essentially grew up not knowing that the color pretty much guarantees a culling. In no way am I belittling your Lusus, but fuck that's actually smart.

[ Karkat rubs his arm. slightly uncomfortable. ]

I knew. There was no secret wondering stirring in my think pan in the wee hours of the morning while all good little wigglers went to bed. I didn't go out because of it. Always wore fucking long sleeves to make sure everything was covered. So yeah... I don't exactly see it as good. More like a fucking defect. To force me to see it at all times when I'm not losing my mind is just...

All of it was just throwing all of my fears, insecurities, and failures right in my face and I'd love nothing more than to tear them apart for it.

[It is now that he decides to place a hand upon the others shoulder. He creates a strong and secure grip, one of comfort.]

That is truth, I only learned that my culling was a possibility when I was able to venture out and learn more about the world. Of course my lusus was never far behind me and later came to be a follower of mine.

[Theres a pause as he cuts his voice short and wishes to speak of other matters.]

Karkat. I know that me telling you that your blood color isn't something to be ashamed of probably won't mean much. However even though which ever bastards caused this unfortunate epidemic to fall upon you, all of you. It is unjust. There is nothing we can do about it, but know this Karkat and hear my words well.

There are those that accept you for who you are regardless of what lays beneath your skin. I can guarantee that this will not change and you will do well to be fortunate for it. When all seems lost find faith in them and seek their comfort. You are a great leader Karkat and an even greater friend.

No, it doesn't. But I am slowly learning to deal with it.

[ heck, he's even openly talking about it. that's more than what he could do just a few short months ago. ]

I know it doesn't bother my friends. None of them really ended up caring too much about the hemospectrum. Eridan did and I think any regard for it that Gamzee has might be because of those Mirthful Messiahs hoofbeast shit he ends up spewing. Sure, I can try to talk about it with them, but they don't get it.

Learning is all you can do and in time you will come to accept it.

[He gives a hopeful smile.]

My ears are always open to your plight Karkat. This you are aware of or so I hope?

Yes, I am aware. If I wasn't, do you really think I would have hauled my little ass up here to have a chat?

[He sucks in a short breath at such a comment. It was times like these he wondered why he even bothered. But he quickly discards the thought and reminds himself that Karkat was indeed Karkat. Not to mention the recent episode the city had put hi through.]

Then speak what you will and I will listen. Do you wish to say more?

[ it's more like, do these people not understand that if he didn't trust you, why would he even bother talking to you? Karkat Vantas is, if anything, someone who keeps his insecurities bottled up. talking to them with someone? yeah, that's not likely to happen.

this doesn't mean he isn't going to be abrasive anyway. that's just how he is. how he has conditioned himself to be. ]

Only that maybe you're wrong, to some degree.

[And every abrasive comment just is a reminder to him that such anger is within him as well. That his descendent is the embodiment of such anger and hate. Though, such thoughts he hid away.]

Wrong? Care to explain?

First of all, I'm not a very good leader if I can't keep my friends alive and well. I couldn't stop Gamzee from freaking out and babbling on about murder mirth and his Messiahs. Honestly, I was warned about it and I felt like I should go out and look for him, but I didn't. Because I was so fucking self absorbed in playing a role that is so clearly not for me. Which kind of makes me a lousy friend too.

Edited 2012-12-29 21:58 (UTC)

[He lets out a deep sigh before he begins to speak. This would be a long one.]

It is not of your control Karkat. Some things determine exactly what makes us friends and leaders or both in your case. Death, is not a factor of that. While it does halt and cause complications down ones path, you must learn to accept that it is inevitable. Certain things cannot be controlled.

To be had, in my own opinion, you have led your friends well through the challenges that presented themselves. I have heard of how you led them through the game and saved their lives from the death of your planet. This is something deemed worthy of a leader and a good friend. I think I find that you focus on acts that you could not control, acts that are negative and of misfortune. While it is not wise to ignore such events it is also not advised to focus solely on them and use them as reasons to drop ones view of yourself.

I do not know your entire story Karkat and these words which I speak you will probably choose to take with a grain of salt. Though, I believe you to be a good friend and leader, this opinion will not change.

But I still just kind of stood there like an idiot. I could have tried to stop Eridan. Should have followed my gut instinct and said fuck it to go after Gamzee. Could I have controlled them? No, definitely not. But I could have at least tried.

Hmmm

[A pondering comment that is shortly followed by a thought.]

Tried, yes. That I will agree with, but all we can do it try in life and from what we don't attempt, we learn from. It shapes us and makes us better trolls, or people in other cases. Another point to claim is that if you did try, perhaps it would have resulted in your death. What would you have been dead to your team. Perhaps looking at it that way you did the right thing. Maybe not intentionally, but we will never know what would have happened here or there.

Like that would have been such a great fucking loss...

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