1 ✘ voice

[toomanly]

Something tells me that my world’s not actually been destroyed. Because my world? It’s pretty destructo-proof. We’ve proven that. A couple times, actually. We’re like cockroaches, cut off our heads and we come right back. And some letter saying that you saved me from the big bad--

[ a beat ] Hold on. Who are you supposed to be, anyway? You and your little letter with your little words. Because if you’re not Buffy then i’ve gotta wonder if you’re trying to be her and i’m not sure she’s ever been too big on imitation or flattery being the highest art of anything.

And anyway, if my world had been destroyed, you would’ve saved Buffy, not me. Probably Will, too. I’m not usually the guy that gets picked for these sort of things -- it’s like how I always picked last for dodgeball and put on the bench. I’d probably get picked last for who gets to live in the brand new world order, too.

So, uh, you maybe wanna tell me what’s actually going on? ‘Cause the fake letter really isn’t gonna cut it.

Comments

[toomanly]

I don't just know, Willow, I know Willow. [ yeah, because... that totally makes sense, Xan. ]

[wwaterboy]

oh
im eridan ampora her boyfriend
wwhich is sort of a neww thing so i wwouldnt be surprised if it takes you aback a bit
wwho are you?

[toomanly]

[ there's a long pause here. a long, long pause. ]

Did you just say boyfriend? Well not say, but type, but they mean the same thing because i'm pretty sure you just said you were her boyfriend.

Sorry he's being a little defensive atm out of nerves, lmao

[wwaterboy]

yeah i said boyfriend is that gonna be a problem?
because evven though i might be a sort a unusual match i think our meetin has been a real case a serendipity
wwilloww wwants me an i wwant her
and evven if ivve got fins an gills i can be the best boyfriend possible for her

LMFAO I SO DON'T EVEN REMOTELY MIND AJKF;SAS

[toomanly]

Hey, hey cool your jets. Or gills. Or whatever it is you... wait, you have gills?

.... Willow's boyfriend has gills. Definitely wasn't expecting that.

He's just so helpless

[wwaterboy]

yeah ivve got gills
on account a im a sea dwwellin troll from alternia
wwhich is totally fine wwith her and in fact she told me that she likes them!
or wwould like them if she had seen them yet
anywway wwe dont need to talk about that
so thats the situation okay?

[guiltapalooza]

I'm just going to save you guys from yourselves now.

Eridan, this is Xander. You can think of him like my moirail because that comparison could not possibly be more apt.

Xander, moirails just means, like, soulmate friends! You take care of me, and I take care of you, like that. [Trying to be perky here but actually kinda nervous.] And yeah he's male and an alien, and please don't give me the look that I gave you when you said you were dating Anya, because that was really bitchy of me and you are so are not bitchy. Right?

[toomanly]

[ You're so getting that look right about now because what is this, Willow. ]

And I think I missed something right around the part where you said you liked girls. You know. Girls? Those human creatures that don't have gills and aren't sea dwelling?

[guiltapalooza]

I can't help who I fall for, Xander! You better not turn this into a Buffy and Angel thing, because I don't think I could-- could--

I've been all alone here, okay? [Trying to breathe and calm herself down and not be defensive.] And it wasn't your fault, but I'm allowed to make my own choices, and you weren't here for me to talk to about it. So you've missed a... a lot.

[toomanly]

I never said you couldn't make your own choices, Will. Just that your choices are kinda.. flip-floppy. Your choices are like a pancake and I can't keep track of which side i'm supposed to be on. Or if I should just be the syrup and wait on the table with the butter and see what happens.

[ Uh-huh... ] .... I'm sorry you were here all by yourself. Would've come sooner if I knew, but it's not like the dimensional leaders of the galaxies usually fill me in on these kind of things.

[guiltapalooza]

I said it wasn't your fault, and I know I'm flip-floppy! You think I know what side I'm on? It wasn't like I woke up and one morning and thought, oh, today I'll flip the lesbian switch, that won't make me confused about anything.

I just don't want this to be a problem between us. I'm trying to... I'm trying. [She crumbles, because trying to be a good person after her time as Darth Rosenberg was a full time, draining, and guilt-riddling occupation.]

[toomanly]

It's not gonna be a problem between us, whichever way you want to flip your switch is fine with me. I don't care if it's on or off, or if you turn on your night light instead. You should know that, Will.

It's just.. a surprise, that's all. [ Sigh, he doesn't want to see Will fall apart, which is why he's partially sucking it up here and trying to be a big boy. But it's difficult because he's still boggled by most of this. ]

[guiltapalooza]

... I know, it's a lot to take in. [She really does know that, because wow, if it was hard for him it'd been weirder for her, going through it.]

I know you just got here, and I don't mean to push you. I was going to tell you, um, sometime when it wasn't right then?

[wwaterboy]

hes your moirail?
i thought that might be it
im sorry wwill
i didnt givve a vvery good impression i think

[guiltapalooza]

It's okay. We'll figure this out.

We'll figure it out and we'll all be friends, and it'll be hunky-dory, and all we'll have to worry about is not getting maimed by the tower monsters. You don't have to be so defensive, okay? [Even though she is...] I'm not going to let someone else's opinion turn me away from you.

[wwaterboy]

okay yeah
but hes your moirail so if he doesnt like me it could be a problem
but ill make him like me if i can wwill
i wwouldnt mind bein his friend if hell havve me

[guiltapalooza]

There won't be a problem, Xander's just surprised. I told you that I didn't think I'd ever, you know, with a man again, remember? And he was there through Tara and everything, so... It's a lot for him to take in.

But he wouldn't be my bestest forever bud if he didn't just want me to happy, which he does, and I am! So you don't need to worry about it, I promise.

[wwaterboy]

yeah i remember
and i might havve possibly assumed hed havve an issue wwhat wwith me not bein human and bein a sea dwwelling troll and all

[guiltapalooza]

He might, but he'll get used to it. He said so himself.

... And if Feferi ever shows up, we'll figure that out, too. Because I would really like to meet her, the one that's yours.

xander is just. so. confused.

[toomanly]

You know, I think I don't need to know whether or not she's seen your gills. Think you two can keep that special piece of information between yourselves and i'm just gonna pretend I never heard a thing.

I don't blame him

[wwaterboy]

right yeah wwe can pretend i didnt say anythin about that
uh
i might havve gotten a little defensivve just there
im not a bad troll reely i swwear
an ill take good care a wwill

it'll take him awhile, but he'll get there

[toomanly]

As long as you take good care of her man, that's all I ask for. Especially since I haven't been here to do it.

[wwaterboy]

wwell youre here noww so theres no sense in wworryin about you not bein here before
my moirails not here either but wwill an i havve been supportin each other in a wway evven if its not the same
id nevver hurt her not in a million swweeps you havve that commitment for sure

[toomanly]

Maybe i'll just worry about all of us being here in the first place, how about that?

[ .... a beat ] Not in a million sweeps, i'm holding you to that.

[wwaterboy]

yeah okay that sounds like a real good plan

got it