animus_network | [004 ★ text]

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[004 ★ text]

You know what, I am so sick of this. Completely sick of this!! And look at me, repeating myself and using multiple exclamation points (two!) like a rebel. Because I am a rebel!

I'm tired of all these embarrassing personal incidents. When they aren't embarrassing, they're deeply horrifying and disturbing. I just want regular old test taking anxiety again! I want worrying about whether Anya is going to ask Giles if he has a new orgasm friend yet in public! And all that demon stuff, even that was familiar.

But here it's like, oh, here's that troll kid I'm friends with and he got his arm torn off. Here's me turning myself into a troll and going creepy stalker over Aradia. (Which by the way, oh Goddess am I sorry for and eternally mortified about.) Or here's me picking up the bloody scraps of the clothes of the double of someone I'm friends with!

And don't tell me I'm using too many of's there, I told you I'm a rebel today! I just want my test taking anxiety back, darn it. I'd even take worrying over when I'm going back to college, and that was a lot of worrying.

... Okay, whining done. End whining. In other news, who's still having wacky collar-induced sickness and power-tampering shenanigans? Cause frankly I'm finding this really worrying and I want to get to the bottom of this.

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Well... I don't feel guilty. Not that I did that to him-- he deserves way worse.

I just don't like how easy it was. I don't want to go back to being that person that uses magic to solve everything. I don't like who that is.

i dont see wwhy its so bad to use a tool for wwhat its for
magic is there to be used so do it i say
especially wwhen it comes to teachin lessons to fuckin sevven foot angry trolls wwith big guns an attitude

You have a point-- a good point-- about that second part. But remember what I was like after I fought the Grand Highblood? If I use too much magic, I start turning into that person, all the time. It's too powerful. I start using my magic to fix everything, even the things I shouldn't be fixing. I used it on my friends when they disagreed with me.

I'm not anywhere near that now, but it just... freaks me out, thinking of it. I can't tell when I'm doing the right thing or not, on my own.

oh wwell okay i can see wwe wwant to keep you awway from interferin wwith your friends
i hope you dont mind wwhen i disagree wwith you wwhichll probably havve to happen on occasion

No, I want you to disagree with me! Not want to want to, I mean, but I want you to if it comes up. I need you to keep me on track, you and Xander. I trust you.

Wwell, good.
I mean, so long as you don't mind then I'm sure it's fine.

I know it'll be fine as long as you're there. Even if we argue over something, you know I'll forgive you, right? You've probably noticed that I'm not so good at letting anyone go. You don't need to worry.

im not wworried
but i hope thats true since i havve a problem lettin go too

No letting go will be necessary, I promise. Don't give it a thought.

I am one stubborn lady and you're just stuck with me, whatever happens. It's not conditional.

wwere stuck on each other like limpets then!

Or barnacles. Also an attractive analogy, yet still sea-related.

yeah fuckin barnacles is the perfect analogy
i approvve

Barnacles it is.

So if I invite you to a party Aradia and I are throwing, you're going to come, right? As my barnacle it wouldn't be right if you weren't there.

a party wwith the luminesce
uh sure i wwouldnt miss it especially as your barnacle
wwhat kind a party?

Pretty sure she'd be happy if you just called her Aradia, since she isn't really the Empress where she's from.

A friendship affirmation party! We were talking about how sometimes you need to take time out and do friend things instead of latest-horrifying-crisis things. So we're gonna invite lots of people.

i knoww she told me to call her aradia
but i dont knoww if i reely can it makes me nervvous

oh
wwell that sounds like fun yeah
wwho else is comin?

Don't be nervous! Even if she were the Empress, you're worth just as much as her. More, to me. Maybe try to think of her as a different person entirely?

Whoever I can rope into it, probably. So Buffy and Xander and Dawn, and both Solluxes, and Link will probably come, too. Oh, and I told other you to come and to bring his Feferi. The one here is his moirail, and even though she seemed a little crazy I thought I should give her another chance.

yeah ivve been tryin but i dont knoww its hard
its like a mental block i just see a rustblood and it freaks me out
but its okay wwill really ill push through it

wwait buffy's here?
i havvent met her oh my cod does she like me?

that fakey fake fef is reel fuckin crazy wwill

I know you will, it's okay. I know how strong you are. I'm just glad you don't get that reaction around me, I guess cause I'm a wacky alien?

She's here but I haven't seen her since she arrived. I didn't get a chance to tell her about you because she was still adjusting to the tower and everything, so I... don't know if she's still around. I'm hoping. But I'm sure she'd like you, she's a really good friend.

Oh, and I need to tell you. I haven't told Dawn about us yet, either, but that's because she's from before Tara died, and they were really close, and if I tell her about you I have to tell her about her, and. I don't know if I can do that on my own. I think I need to recruit Xander. But I'm not trying to hide you, I promise! Please don't think that.

She seemed that way to me, too, but. Well. He's going to be around, and that's what moirails are for, right? Also I've been thinking of putting an anti-violence ward around whatever room we use for the party, just temporarily. It'd make me feel better.

wwell, yeah, you're not a highblood wwill youre an alien and so its completely different
but its different wwith aradia i mean her face is on our money its just wweird to be hanging around wwith her
but i know shes your friend i mean im not sayin i wwont do it

i hope shes still around for your sake...
if she is ill do my best to make sure she likes me
and dawwn too
its okay if you dont wwant to tell her yet im not offended or anyfin
i get that its pretty complicated especially wwhen you factor in time travvel

i guess
you can do that?

When you put it that way... Yeah, if I met the president I'd probably flip my lid, too. Way more embarrassing than you just not wanting to call her by name. You don't have to push yourself if you're not comfortable just because she's my friend! I appreciate it, but I know you'll figure it out on your own.

Yeah, me too. And really, don't worry about that. Dawn's kind of young so she might have a problem seeing me with anyone else, but Buffy will be fine. We've been through a lot in terms of each other's relationships. She'll love you without you having to do anything. But thanks for not being offended.

I haven't done it before, but I know the theory and I've seen instructions for it. It's possible. I probably just want to practice a few times before I do it for real. Do you think it's a good idea?

but i wwant to be friends wwith your friends and not make things awwkwward i mean youre throwwin this party and i wwant to be there so ill go and make it wwork
sometimes youvve got to push yourself for the sake a something thats important

i wwouldnt be offended by somethin like that relationships are privvate things

i think you should put it on the wwhole fuckin towwer!
howw does it wwork?

If that's what you want to do, I'm behind you all the way. And it really does mean a lot to me that you want to be friends with my friends. Just... so you know.

They are, but being hidden isn't a lot of fun, either. We're not exactly the most normal couple that's ever coupled. It might take some explaining.

Putting it on the whole tower sounds like a one way trip into experimentation land, if you get my drift. Honestly I'm not sure it'll like it all that much if I do it on one room. This building just has a, I don't know how to put it, a cold feeling to it. As for how it works... there's a few options. I could make it so violence is physically impossible, or you automatically leave if you get violent thoughts, or you just never want to. Varying degrees of difficulty and mental intrusion.

i knoww
and if i had any friends id wwant them to like you too
but it can wwait if its too awwkwward right noww or something im just sayin if you need time and arent ready its fine

wwoww
just wwhen i think i havve grasped the limits a your powwer you come up wwith somethin more terrifying

I'll ask Xander what he thinks about it. I don't like keeping things from her, but I'm not sure I want to tell her, either. You're like the one thing I never have to worry about.

That's pretty much how I feel, to be honest. But it's not really limitless -- I still have to obey the laws of the universe, and some things I'm just not that great at. Plus you saw the addiction problem. So mostly I try to stay away from anything like warding an entire building if I can, anyway, and definitely anything even vaguely mind control-y. Thinking of doing that again gives me the major skeevies.

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[private] omg sudden tl;dr again. idk how you put up with her. XD

[private] lol

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