1st Message

[moontothetide]

I-Is this thing on?

[The screen shows Tara, looking more than a little confused and lost as she fiddles around with the settings on the terminal. Those of who you know her might be able to tell that she's different in appearance. Gone is most of the softness to her body. Now, muscles can be seen on her arms, as her shaking hands move over the terminal's settings. Her face is leaner, more angled, less round. Even so, she still looks healthy. She's lost weight, since being voted out and dropped back into the tower. But she hasn't starved. She's taken care of herself.

She also looks like she's been crying. Even now, Tara takes a swipe at her eyes as though chasing away the last few tears.]

It's...is it usual for people to be just...gone? To just...go away and, a-and not be here anymore?

...does anyone know what happens to them? I mean...our worlds, th-they're gone, right? So...if they're not here...w-where are they?

[But she knows. She knows in her heart what's happened. And so Tara plunges on, onto new concerns, onto new friends, onto new life and new problems that she might just be able to do something about. Tara wipes at her eyes, sniffles a bit more, and then forces herself to look back up at the camera.]

Well...it looks like the food's back, a-and the power, and...I've seen some people that, th-that I thought were in the pods with us. Guess that means it's over, right? That's...th-that's good. That's s-something.

Are you all okay? Everyone? Being back here, and all. I mean...I-I can't do a lot, with healing. But I can do some. I know a potion. Trust me. I-It helps. So, i-if you're still not feeling great...give me a call.

...I'm okay. [Some of you will know that this is directed very deliberately at you.] I mean, I'm tired, but...I-I'm okay.

[Tara turns to go, but stares down at her feet when she apparently bumps against something. Her eyes go wide in recollection.]

Oh! [Here Tara reaches down to her feet, and comes up holding a much battered library book. The title reveals it to be a book on edible plants. All in a rush, Tara forces out this last, sounding as though she's practiced it in front of the mirror] ...for later once, um, everyone's rested a-and gotten back on their feet a bit...I, I kind of think maybe we should prepare? In case something like this happens again.

I mean...it seems like they fight a lot. I, I wouldn't be surprised, if they all started fighting and left us here some time again. So, um, if anyone's interested...maybe we could all meet up? Swap tips? I only know about, um, plants from my world. Didn't know if, if there was anything else f-from somewhere else that I could have eaten.

...th-thank you.

((ooc: Holy frack, sorry for the TL;DR. But these were all the points weighing heavily on Tara's mind, and I thought it made sense for her to get them all out of the way at once. I'll be making a proper log post in a couple of days, in case anyone would prefer to catch her there.))

Comments

Re: [ video ]

[moontothetide]

Urotsuki?

[Tara's clearly trying not to smile like a dork when she sees the girl on the other end of the feed, but...it's obvious enough that she is so very happy and relieved to see the girl again. She gives a little wave.] It's, um, r-really good to see you again. Hi.

I...I missed you.

[chainsawn]

Hi. [ and then slowly - mostly thanks to those last words, since despite the painful memories it means Tara didn't forget about their promise to see each other again - she starts smiling thinly as well. ]

.. I missed you too. It was a little more lonely without you..

[moontothetide]

I-I'm sorry. I, I didn't want to leave you that long. [But it had to be done. She's better, now. She's safe to be around. It's okay now.]

Are, um, are you okay? Are you hurt? I mean, um, Dax didn't try anything bad, did he?

[chainsawn]

I'm not hurt. [ she shakes her head, even if it's mostly due to other people that she's okay - there's something that last part makes her think of, though. ] It wasn't him, in the end. .. Um.. after the third round they got.. called away. [ her voice shows that she isn't entirely sure as to what happened either, but.. ]

A woman replaced them for all of us.

[moontothetide]

They left...? [Well, that had probably been in response to the attack - a sure sign that they couldn't leave Zo in charge any longer, if Zo had ever been in charge.] And...a woman. Um, w-was it the woman who, who read out the scores every week? Ruana?

[...that's not actually encouraging, from what she'd seen of Ruana. The woman had seemed far closer to Jason's side of the scale than Dax's.]

[chainsawn]

Yes, the same woman. [ She nods at the name - she remembers hearing it called back then, but she didn't literally remember it until it was mentioned. ]

She made our place white.. entirely white. You couldn't see where the walls ended and the floor started..

[moontothetide]

[Tara tries to picture this...and visibly winces as even the idea of such a place hurts her eyes.]

So...kind of like, um, what Riki did.

But...there weren't any competitions? I mean, if the other three were gone...w-was that it?

[chainsawn]

She said it was still a competition, but nobody had to.. [ die for it, she wants to say, but it's still too difficult so her voice trails off. ]

When you.. .. left.. those were the last ones. After that, nobody had to go anymore..

[ ... ]

But we still didn't win. .. Sorry, it's since I probably didn't try hard enough..

[moontothetide]

Urotsuki...

[She could say so many things. She could say that the girl tried as hard as she could, but that would mean it wasn't enough. She could say it doesn't matter, but that would make everything she'd told her before worthless.

...eventually, in that slow and soft way that means she's trying so very hard to choose her words carefully:]

It's not your fault. I mean, you can still be sorry that we lost, because everyone wanted us to win, but...w-we're a team and, and teams lose all together, just like they win all together.

Besides. It, it m-might have been worse, if you hadn't tried so hard. You made things better, Urotsuki. S-Sometimes that's, um, that's all we can do, and just wait for a chance to do more.

[chainsawn]

.. So.. it's still okay, Tara? [ For someone who relies so much on other people's opinions, this can easily swing her way of thinking, after all. As long as she's told by someone else that it's okay, she'll most likely just believe it, that it really is okay that she tried this much, even if they still didn't win. ]

It's not my fault..? I.. didn't do badly?

[moontothetide]

No, Urotsuki, y-you didn't do badly at all. And, and it's not your fault. It's, it's their fault. Riki and Dax a-and Jason. You just did your best.

I know you did. A-And that's always enough. Always.

[The weight of the world should never be on the shoulders of a teenage girl. They should never be responsible for other people's lives. It's a philosophy she'd tried so very hard to live by, when looking after Dawn, and it's one she still believes in now.]

...can I come and see you? ["Pretty please?"]

[chainsawn]

[ She breathes a sigh of relief at those words. Clearly it's all she just has to keep telling herself - that she did fine, even though it didn't end up fine. If Tara says it, then it'll be okay for sure.. Although despite thinking about that, the answer to her last question comes quickly, eagerly, almost a little too quickly that it almost seems desperate. ]

Yes. .. Please. I'd.. like to see you again, if it's not a problem.

[moontothetide]

It's not a problem at all. It's like I s-said. I missed you.

And...and I promised.

W-Where are you now? I'm, um, I'm in the music room, but I don't mind leaving. [She could probably use the time walking to clear her head a bit, really.]

[chainsawn]

No, it's fine. I can walk over there right now, if you don't mind waiting for a little bit. I've been wanting to see that place on the inside either way..

[moontothetide]

Okay. I don't mind at all. So...I'll see you in just a little bit, okay?

[She'll wait by the monitor, untangling some spare pieces of twine while she waits just to give her hands something to do.]

[chainsawn]

[ There's a nod and she leaves the network station she was at just now to hurry over to the music room - literally hurrying too, considering she's actually running there. She does really want to see Tara, after all.. except it results in her being all out of breath once she does arrive there, so she needs to take a moment to regain it. ]

[moontothetide]

[Fortunately, Urotsuki arrives at a moment where the instruments...or whatever decides to play the instruments when no one else is using them...are silent. The music room is a big room, but that also means it has some pretty good harmonics, even to the sounds of someone's exhausted breathing.

Tara will leave her things on her chair and come looking for the girl. So, Urotsuki will likely find her when Tara peers out from behind a harp.] Urotsuki?

[She beams happily when she sees the girl, and then frowns a bit when she sees Urotsuki catching her breath.] Are, um, are you okay?

[chainsawn]

.. I-.. I'm okay.

[ And she does seem okay after a moment or two - really, all she had to do is catch her breath, so she's fine again then. She even smiles at the sight of Tara, and after a moment of hesitation (what if she'd find it weird..?) she takes the last steps over to just wrap her arms around the older girl to hug her. ]

[moontothetide]

[If Urotsuki hadn't done so then, Tara would have stepped forward to hug her in another minute. She wraps her arms around the younger girl to return the hug, just...happy to have her safe and here again.]

Good. I'm glad.

...hi.

[chainsawn]

.. Hi.

[ She returns the greeting, pulling her head back from Tara just enough to be able to look up at her - a smile appears on her face. ]

It's been a long time since I saw you like this.. .. Um.. it wasn't too bad in the tower, right..?

[moontothetide]

[Tara shakes her head, smiling faintly in turn.] Nah. It w-wasn't so bad. W-We got oatmeal, just a bit after I got here. And there were, um, lots of plants, a-and I learned how to fish.

Some monsters got into the dorms but, um, I don't think they hurt anyone.

[That didn't mean it hadn't been hard. But she'd known it would be hard. She'd expected it. Recovery always was, and she had recovered. The hunger and the uncertainty and the weakness were just a nagging feeling in the back of her mind, not an all consuming addiction. It was easy to be around people, now. It was nice.]

I'm really good. I-I'm a lot better.

[chainsawn]

[ That's right-- Urotsuki vaguely remembers all of it somewhere in the back of her mind, all the things she had talked about with Tara, about her being.. well, maybe not sick, but it was something like that, right? About how she had to get better..

And now she really is better? Well, that's good, that's one thing she knows for sure. ]

.. So.. leaving was a good thing after all, right?

[moontothetide]

Leaving was a very good thing.

[Even if it had meant having to die. In the time between where she'd been switched off like a broken fuse and when she'd woken up back in her room...it had been almost like an angel had appeared, to give her the strength needed to take advantage of her second chance.

She'd made good use of those two weeks. She'd avoided people, yes, because she'd been focused on surviving, and testing her limits, and understanding her strength and that she did have strength that went beyond magic. She wasn't useless. She didn't need to take from other people to take care of herself. Sure it was harder, if she didn't, but...such was life.

It had been an important realization, even if it had been a long time in coming.]

I took some time, a-and I took care of myself, and...now I'm better. I mean, of course I wish I could have stayed to help all of you, but...now I can, if s-something else happens.

I'm okay, Urotsuki. Really.

[chainsawn]

No, it's okay.. I mean-.. as long as you're happy and okay, Tara, then me too. [ She nods a little, smiling. ] If the people I'm with are happy, then I can be happy too.. I only made it through the last weeks there since after you left Kidou-kun was by my side to help me.

[moontothetide]

Kidou-kun...? [Hm...Tara casts her mind back but, nope. She might have heard the name spoken around the place, in the background, but she never met the boy in question. Even so, she smiles reassuringly.] It's, i-it's good you still had friends there. Th-That's, that's the best kind of team, right?

Have you found him again, too?