animus_network | 001

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is it too much to ask for a little fanfare for the end of the universe?
i mean come on im out there busting my ass to do damage to an oversized electronic that a two year old could do with gravity a hard floor and fifteen seconds of irresponsible parenting
the least i could get is some fucking fireworks when the universe ejects you from existence!
but fine whatever
first order of business
who the fuck took my shovel?
you give me my gun and my rad pjs and you dont give me my shovel thats stupid
second order of business dont step on the black globs
it sucks and its stupid
third order of business dont eat the eggs here theyre fucking nasty
like seriously poultry doesnt even come in that color
maybe they made it from the black globs

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[He doesn't stutter, but you know what he does do? Deadpan. Like a pro.]

I know, that's why it looks that way.

[That better not be a cheap shot at his hair, dammit, his vanity will not stand to be slighted. Then he smirks, baring his fangs.]

Tell me all about that Strider wisdom, Jade-bro.

[Damn straight it was a cheap shot--]

It consists of only the most reasonable and logical methods of deduction that consist of doing the exact opposite of stupid aliens with green hair highlights.

One, it ain't highlights. Two, fuck you. Three, it looks awesome. Four, seriously, fuck you. Five, I'm not stupid, I'm just a grubfuckin' moron.

[He makes a point of arching both eyebrows. Really, Jade, you should already know this.]

There's a difference.

Grubfucking sounds both stupid and like it should be illegal.

[Insights From A Time Traveling Idiot.]

Fuck as many grubs as you want, you still have hair like an 80s greaser.

I wouldn't start bitchin' about hair if I were you, Jade.

Fuck you, my hair is quintessential cool kid, and also from this century.

Didn't know human fashion was all about fighting scissors - and losing.

[He offered a grin full of teeth.]

I've been enlightened.

I'll have you know I am a goddamn master when it comes to the human sport of scissor-fighting, greaser boy.

[HARUMPH]

Of course you are, that's why you can't even tell the difference between grease and hair gel. You know, that thing civilized people use to make sure their hair does not look like unruly greenery?

[Man, if you think his hair is greasy, wait til you meet Gamzee.]

You're the one with green hair bro, don't talk to me about greenery.

[Never letting that go.]

And my hair isn't unruly, it's just stylishly messy.

...seriously? That was unironically the worst excuse for bad hair I've ever heard.

It was totally ironic. Come on Eri, get with the subtleties. Also your hair is still worse.

[VERBAL Z-SNAP.]

[The most innocent of faces goes here.]

So wait, if defending your hair is irony does that mean your hair is undefendable? Because I'd believe that.

[He grins, mouthful of ~~needles~~ teeth.]

You're just jealous your hair isn't naturally this awesome.

.....

[ON SECOND THOUGHT SHE'S REALLY BAD AT THIS IRONY THING AUGH]

You just said you used hair gel, that's not natural.

[Sullenly.]

...the green is.

[ERI Y U SAD NOW THAT'S NOT FUN 8(]

See you are part plant. Case rested.

[She's not going to address your suddenly sullen tone because feelings are lame.]

[He's a sullen brat, let him be. Also, you offend his hair, okay. Except now he's just confused. An eyebrow arches above the rim of his sunglasses.]

I'm wwhat noww.

[Never letting him be.]

You're like a plant, alien mutant hybrid. Can you do photosynthesis through your hair?

Uh. No. Not at all. Not really. What the fuck.

Sounds totally legit to me. Explains everything.

It does not!

[So indignant!]

Does so! You even call your baby aliens grubs, and insects totally love plants!

[Noooot letting it go.]

What the fuck do insects have to do with plants with green with my hair with grubs?!

[Hold pls she's too busy trying not to just crack up laughing at the moment hang on]

Your hair is green is a leaf is a thing that little insect grubs would totally dig.

You're so full of shit.

[He shakes his head.]

Weird shit, even.

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reddeadvirtuoso - 2012-08-13 09:29 (UTC) - Expand

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