[video] here have a late intro post. i hope the awfulness makes up for the delay...somehow....

[grannyfucker]

Alright, so I've been here a couple of days already, and I've just got one question.

What's up with all the furries around here? No one told me there'd be one of those creepy comic book sex cult conventions going on in this place!

What is wrong with the people running this place, and why couldn't they have at least mentioned something about this?! Jesus!

((OOC: I will probably be slow on tags after today, BUT I will tag back a few days later! Just need to get a few things sorted after today first.))

Comments

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[dubiousdisc]

The what?

[Oh, looks like one of the Tower's more unusual residents has caught interest in your post. And he doesn't look pleased about it. Whoops.]

video

[grannyfucker]

YOU!

[it is both an accusation and an explanation.]

video

[dubiousdisc]

[Sollux takes a moment to laugh heartily at this message before responding.]

Okay, I know this is hard for you, I understand. I know how all you humans work. The thought never crossed the mind of your universal consciousness that you aren't the only beings in the universe who can tie their shoelaces. It happens all the time.

But unfortunately, there's a pretty significant bunch us as compared to you, so unfortunately baby's gonna have to deal with it.

[Shrug.]

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[grannyfucker]

[yyyyeah, pretty much all of that? Straight over his head.]

I'm not going to deal with you and your goat penis dildos! If you even use dildos and not the real thing, you sick fuck!

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[dubiousdisc]

Yeah, see, again. Selfcentered as all fuck.

Dildos are a completely human invention. We don't have them. [As a matter of fact, most trolls wouldn't even know what they are, but this one just happened to spend a lot of time with a bunch of stupid hormonal thirteen-year-olds, so he knows much more about the human way of things than he really wants to.]

[ video ]

[immortalia]

[ sup, have an android, Nathan. ]

...what is a furry?

[ video ]

[grannyfucker]

They're all part of a cult that dress up like freaks and try impregnating all the farm animals they can get to try and spread their fucked up little furry genes to their freakish hybrid furry babies so that they can take over the world!

As if getting a regular girl pregnant wasn't enough!

[ video ]

[immortalia]

[ Give her a moment. She's heard some crazy stuff before, but this just borderlines on "don't touch with a ten foot pole" territory. ]

...Is this a frequent thing?

[ video ]

[grannyfucker]

Not normally, nah.

But there's tons of 'em here, the sick bastards.

[ video ]

[immortalia]

Please clarify your answer.

video;

[cullscuttlefish]

...you mean the monsters? Because anyone could have told you about that. Or, you know, running around at night.

video;

[grannyfucker]

Aw Jesus it's another one!

perma-video;

[cullscuttlefish]

What are you talking about? I'm a troll, not a monster! I was born looking like this!

[A pause. Feferi doesn't normally pull rank, but...]

We're from the planet Alternia. I'm Feferi Peixes, the heiress to the throne. Now, are you going to continue to insult my entire race, or not?

[grannyfucker]

[oh my god.]

You're completely delusional! A full-on crazy!

[aaaand now he's laughing. he can't help it!]

[Not here.]

[chronomancer]

[...well, someone read this entry. And now someone's out there prowling, looking around the computer terminals. Congratulations, Nathan, you now have a date with the blunt side of a shovel. Bitch, you did not insult his girlfriend lookalike.]

[grannyfucker]

[Well it's not like he's exactly moving from terminal to terminal to write these comments, so he'll be pretty easy to find by process of elimination.

Still there...sitting...making video responses about the poor barn victims.]

[chronomancer]

[Easy now, easy. For now, he's just doing the creepy lurker thing, watching from a distance. Arguing with himself whether he should go for the cathartic beating or the efficient headshot.

Taking his time, really.]

[grannyfucker]

[Nathan is not particularly observant and notices nothing.]

[video]

[warriorscribe]

A...'furry'?

*A furry what? This guy needs to get into the habit of viewing video archives and not just reading through text threads, or he may have known by now.*

[video]

[grannyfucker]

You know, you're the second person to ask me that. You're all very sheltered around here, aren't you?

Furries are part of a secret cult that get together in a tent made of shitty comic books and perform acts of sacrifice on a bunch of terrified little animals they captured that are worse than death itself!

[video]

[warriorscribe]

*That sounds...outlandish. A tent made of books? Sacrifices, at least, don't fall under the "you have to be joking" umbrella for him.*

I've been here for...three months now.

*...Really. He's been here as long as he was in Meridian. It's all been a blur...*

But I haven't seen anyone of the sort.

video; I love you and I apologize for her

[starspangledknockers]

Whoa.

...

I got six words for ya: Chill the fuck out, British dude.

video; it's okay i'm apologizing left and right for nathan here

[grannyfucker]

Chill out? How am I supposed to chill out when these abominations are out and about doing the sacred dance of the beast with two backs with my dinner?!

video; OH GOOD we can apologize together

[starspangledknockers]

Dude. Dude. That's so wrong, man. Haven't you ever seen sci-fi movies where people like... go through dimensional portals and shit? It's like that!

...

Hey if someone has a thing for food, if ya know what I mean, it ain't our place to judge, okay.

video; infinite apologies across the universe

[grannyfucker]

It's my place to judge if I'm going to be putting that cum-stained pork chop in my mouth the next day, isn't it?