≈ first breeze! (text)

[heirterosexual]

wow, oookay.
this place is pretty messed up!
i find it to be a terrible fourteenth birthday present.
even if it's not my birthday anymore.
but, uh, belatedly!
hi, i'm john egbert.
apparently there's a lalonde-me running around, so hi lalonde-me.
it's really freaky to consider a me, that's also a rose, but still me?
how does that even work. is that like doomed timeline shenanigans?
wow does that mean there's a doomed timeline somewhere that combined me and rose?
maybe i messed up on the ectobiology and created some weird rose-me-hybrid.
freaky tentacle-ghosty-movie-wizard baby!
oh man that sounds like an awesome horror movie or something.
we should write our own horror movie.
hi everybody else that's not-me, too!

Comments

[knightime]

what a what
dude when did you get here?
you know what forget it
wheres your room
ps
you sound like an idiot

[heirterosexual]

oh hi dave!
are you done being weird and creepy and petshop of horrors-smiley?
what do you mean when did i get here, i've been here! for like a week.
i talked to you already.
but you were being pretty weird so maybe you don't remember for whatever reason.
uhhh 4-14. totally almost my birthday. that would have been so cool and kind of spooky.
ps
nobody cares what you think.

[knightime]

fuckkkkkk
ok no
ill explain in person
they dont assign rooms based on your birthday stupid
ps
your face
thats what

[You aren't getting another reply after this since he already left the terminal to head to your room.]

[heirterosexual]

explain what?
dave what the hell.
i didn't say they assigned rooms based on birthdays! i just said it was almost my birthday.
learn to read, dumbass.
ps
wow you really need to work on your insults.
that didn't even make sense.

[thornythaumaturge]

i don't know about a rose you, but i bet whoever told you about her was probably talking about me!
it's a pleasure to meet you, john.
i'm rose egbert.
and there are no tentacles here, mister!
though there's nothing wrong with tentacles.
and ghosty horror movies are more john's thing.
or
my john's thing.
this is going to get really confusing i think.

[[And weird. This is already really weird talking to another Egbert. But really cool too.

...though it does raise a question.]]

do you think this makes us siblings?

text; i literally do not have an icon for his face right now.

[grislytragedian]

[Oh dear god he was so not ready for this. Sure, Alpha-Timeline Dave was one thing, Jade was another but Jesus tapdancing Christ on wheat toast, he was not read for Alpha-Timeline John. Especially only mere days after facing his shadow nope not ready.]

[His body is so not ready, it will likely never be ready ohgodohgodohgo-- wait what.]

[What the hell is he talking about hybrid combinations and tentacle ghosts oh my god he's an idiot. Jolal just kind of gapes at the computer screen for a long time, completely at a loss for words.]

There is so much wrong with what you just said that I literally do not even know where to begin.

[heirterosexual]

whaaaat??
a lalonde-me and a me-rose?
or i guess that's. me-lalonde and rose-me.
wow this is getting confusing.
no tentacles?
a rose with no tentacles is so weird to me!
...oh wow that sounded really compromising and awkward.
my-you doesn't actually have tentacles.
anymore.
i mean she didn't exactly ever have tentacles, she just.
wow.

[He considers this.]

i dunno!
but i'm pretty okay with having a rose for a sister!

eeeexcelleeeent.

[heirterosexual]

[...heheheh Jolal.]

oh wow!
you must me me-lalonde.
sorry, i got the names all messed up.
also wow please tell me you don't always talk like such a fancy tool.
you sound like you should be writing in cursive with a fountain pen!

[thornythaumaturge]

...now i'm really confused wow.
okay so it goes like this i guess:

john lalonde <== john egbert ==> rose egbert

so that's...

yeah i guess that's a you-lalonde and a rose-you.
or maybe it's more like a lalonde-you and a you-rose?
augh this is stupid.
i'm rose. just rose.
not rose you or you rose or anything just rose egbert.
or rose e. if you must.
and nope!
no tentacles.
i'm don't know why i would have tentacles really.
i'm just as human as you, you know!

i think i would be okay with a john for a brother too.
as long as it's not my john.
or well john lalonde.
he's my john, from my timeline!
oh and to answer your question it is doomed timeline shenanigans.
though i guess we're the only instance of that?
it seems like all the others are alpha timelines in their own right.
i don't really know how it's all supposed to work, that's jade's area.

[restitchtime]

[oh look, the blue John is back. aaaaaand he remembers fuck and all about the tower.

SMASHING]

Alternate timelines really aren't that fucking difficult to wrap your head around, but considering that every additional syllable you threw onto this post just fueled my bafflement at how your own hasn't collapsed in on itself from the sheer dumbassery emanating from it I guess that's just asking too much from you.

Anyway, this shithole's already a bad B movie in its own right. No need to go shitting on everyone here even more and making one yourself.

[heirterosexual]

no, see that's what i thought at first, too.
lalonde-me. karkat mentioned a john lalonde, and i was like whoa!! lalonde-me.
but if he's a john lalonde, then he's a me-lalonde, because i'm still a john but not a lalonde, and he's ALSO a john, but not an egbert. he's a lalonde.
so it's me-lalonde and rose-me.
...
i swear that made a lot more sense in my head.

i think i'll just call you rose.
and if i get you confused with rose lalonde, rose e.
or maybe just e.
can i call you e?
rose e. sounds like rosie.
i get the feeling any incarnation of a rose would kill anything in cold blood that called her rosie.

and oh, so is my rose. she's perfectly human!
she's just very in-touch with a bunch of eldritch horrors, so she had tentacles for a little while.
she got better.

heheheh.
okay! then we're brother and sister.
man i think dad would shit himself if he suddenly had a rose egbert, too.
like, in happiness.
i dunno.
it's kinda hard to tell through all the cake and "i'm proud of you"s he was always throwing at me.

doomed timelines don't really make a whole lot of sense to me?
so it doesn't matter all that much.
jade's?
wow what's jade's last name?? she's harley in my session!

[heirterosexual]

[Not a damn thing! Sorry Rose.]

...wow i really don't even know who to guess you are.
you talk kind of like a really angry rose, but my rose doesn't swear much, and you're red like dave.
so hi, i'm john egbert!
and you are?

[restitchtime]

Not even going to bother giving you my name if you can't fire up the extra half a brain cell to put all the obvious indicators together yourself.

[grislytragedian]

[Face in hands forever. This conversation has only just started and he already wants to turn the computer off and go just go...somewhere else. Anywhere else.]

I really don't see how anything I said was fancy but ok, whatever.
Unless the fact that I'm not too lazy to hit the shift key counts as fancy.
Anyway, I guess you could say that. I am you-Lalonde.
But I don't have tentacles and I am not Rose.
You didn't mess up the ectobiology, there was a glitch in the game itself or something.
Biologically, there's no difference between us. It's just that I'm doomed and you're not because I wound up at the wrong house.
That's really all there is to it.
No freakish hybrids.

[heirterosexual]

rude.
...
holy shit you're a rose strider aren't you.

[restitchtime]

And there we have it, confirmation that there is in fact mental activity in your skull! I thought the day would never come.

Congratulations on finally grasping the obvious, too. I hope you're very proud of yourself.

[heirterosexual]

okay i guess it's really not fancy, you just type with capitalization and stuff and that's always fancy to me.
i'm not lazy!! it's just easier this way.
okay that sounds pretty lazy.
but i'm not.

...man freakish hybrids would have been so much cooler.
but i mean doomed timelines kind of aren't cool to begin with.
i mean i'm not calling you uncool or anything, just that, you know.
"doomed" is kind of not a cool thing to be described as?

[heirterosexual]

hahahah wow.
rose strider.
what a combination.
sassy grouchy tentaturncletechtheragodpisthead.
...wow that took a while to type.
...and even longer to say.
so do you wear sunglasses all the time or is that just a dave thing?

[restitchtime]

And in a stunning turn of events, it took absolutely no time at all to be considered inane bullshit. My chumhandle is truculentTactician, not whatever garbage you were trying to vomit onto the keyboard. Hopefully the words aren't too fucking big for you.

I wear sunglasses because I actually enjoy being able to fucking see and don't want to risk my eyeballs burning out of my skull, especially in this hellhole. Amazing, isn't it?

I'd say that shades might be a Dave thing anyway since mine wears them too, but the only reason he has them is because he's a douchebag so it might not count.

[thornythaumaturge]

i guess that makes sense yeah.
wow though the implications this makes with all the other "us-but-not-uses" that are running around.
or well...there's only one other john.
but there's another rose!
and there are two daves!
just think of how many other uses there could be out there.
like...
what if there's a john strider somewhere?
or a john harley!
i think calling each other by our names still might be easier.
plus i don't know if john would really appreciate being called lalonde-me hee hee.

i'm okay with rosie!
i don't know why any rose would--
actually no, i take that back before i even finish that sentence.
rose strider would probably kill you for it.
but i wouldn't. rosie's just fine with me.
and i think i'll take that over "just e" if i have to choose.
somehow "just e" would be kind of counter productive, because that's not even close to rose. :P

oh!
oh you mean like the noble gods of the furthest ring, by chance?
like fluthlhu or oglogoth?
haha, i am all about them!
i find their lore absolutely fascinating, and the fact that they are apparently real in SBURB even more so!
though it sucks i never got to meet them like dave did.

yay!
i don't know, he seemed to handle having me around pretty well.
then again though, we didn't have a john around the house, so who knows!
but yes, i definitely think it would be out of happiness.
and wow, he sounds like he's just the same in your universe!
did he put wizards all over the house with you too? :/

she's a strider! and dave is the harley, obviously, since he's the last puzzle piece you're missing now.
we have a jade strider here, but she's not from my universe.
she's still pretty cool though.
i really like her, but it's hard not to i think.

[grislytragedian]

It's pretty much one of the least-cool adjectives a person could be pinned with, yeah.
Though I really don't know if I would rather be a freakish tentacle abomination instead.
Tentacles aren't really my thing, to be honest.

[not here] UHH 1/3 maybe?

[septette]

[...........................................john?]

[iron_infidel]

Birthday...mmmm. That must be some sort of celebration, I concluded this from the way you speak about it?
It is a human thing right? If you are human and if not I do not mean to offend.

[not here] 2/3!

[septette]

[oh god it's John. Is it really John? It seems like him, in personality. He introduced himself as John. And he's using that blue color. she does remember him mentioning something happening on his birthday, too...?

But does he remember anything about the Facility? That was the question weighing in on her mind. She thought of this place as actually a bit nicer than the Facility, so why would he be saying it's messed up if he didn't have the experience of being tortured horribly for over a year?

...and he sounded a bit more optimistic, too

wouldn't he be asking questions if he remembered? wouldn't he--?]

[audio], done

[septette]

[The only way to find out for sure is to respond.]

John...it's good to see you again.