second vision: exhaustion | text

[sawthelockdown]

If I'm right, it's coming up on a year for me since I arrived. Just about three more months, I think.

So, I'd like to pose a question to anyone who has been here longer than I:

How do you deal with it? How do you deal with the ennui, the endless stretches of nothing when the administrators aren't up to tricks? How do you deal with knowing you might never leave?

I had a purpose back home, but here I do not. I am not even a pawn anymore. It's a sad day when you miss being a pawn, isn't it?

Is this how a puppet feels when its strings are cut and it is thrown into the trash?


...Sorry. I just really needed to vent, in the end. Even if it was just over the network. Then again, it's kind of like the internet in that respect, when you think about it.

Thanks for hearing me out. Well, if you didn't, that's fine too. I know I probably sound like a whiny teenager. (Well, I AM a teenager, but that's beside the point, don't you think?) :)

Comments

[crouching_sin]

that sort of stuff doesn't make you weak. it makes you human.

... well most siblings tend to want to kill each other sometimes right?

it's fine.

[sawthelockdown]

I'm a demon now, though. That means I gave up my humanity, right?

Bah, I'm no good at this! I wish the Star were still here. :(

I guess that's true, but I wouldn't know for sure. He and I were, after all, born as cousins and not siblings - in either universe. [Though now she's getting a little headtilty at the screen. She said they were "like" siblings, not that they were siblings. Odd that anon would call them that.

....Odd, but touching in a way.

Well. Now she just feels like a really lousy little sibling. She'd deserve to be lost, at this rate.]

[crouching_sin]

it doesn't have to.

star?

and cousins can be like siblings if you spend enough time with them.

[sawthelockdown]

[Okay now she's headtilting again. Anon seems very wise.]

Heh. Sorry for talking down at you earlier, it's pretty obvious you know more than I do. See what I meant when I said I'm not that bright? :)

You know, the Morning Star?

Yeah, that's true. Guess I'm just stupid paranoid. :( ...And not paranoid enough! Oh crap, I


Hey, if you're reading this, I'm sorry.

I'm a really lousy little sister/cousin/whatever. :)

You can hate me for it, I don't mind. :)


Sorry for interrupting, anonymous, but my cousin's a bit of a tech genius and tends to be something of a ninja too, despite being stupid tall. (It's not fair! We're related, but somehow I ended up a runt and he ended up a freaking giant! It's not fair, I tell you!!!)

[crouching_sin]

it's fine you don't have to apologize. it's... hard to see things other than your own view a lot. and that doesn't mean you're dumb.

oh okay.

... huh.

[sawthelockdown]

Compared to my cousin, I mean! Sheesh. Quite honestly, I think he's better suited to surviving in this tower than I am.

... But don't tell him I said that okay? :) The younger relative has to be an insufferable brat, that's the rules, right?

[THERE'S ALWAYS A CHANCE HE ISN'T WATCHING...!]

[crouching_sin]

that's definitely part of the rules.

[sawthelockdown]

[Right, her oracular abilities may be disabled, but her intuition isn't.]

yep! of course the other rules don't apply to me 'cause I'm the younger one. :) still, it's fun just the same!

...when the person in question can actually be located that is. how the hell does someone be that stealthy in freaking geta?

[NOW, TO WAIT...]

2/2 ACTION

[sawthelockdown]

[Anonymous didn't respond to her inquiry about the geta. That can only mean one thing.





Muttering a stream of very choice invectives, she ditches the terminal and attempts to GTFO the library before Naoya finds her.

Never trust Anonymous to not be your asshole cousin. DULY NOTED.

Time to go somewhere he won't try to find her for the next few hours. As much as it kills her to do this.... She makes a beeline for the cathedral floor and crawls under one of the pews.

She's a demon, yes, but Naoya is Naoya. Naoya haet religion and religious places. This is a foolproof plan with no holes in it.]

[crouching_sin]

[Unfortunately for her, Naoya expects her to think of this, which is why he heads towards the cathedral and sighs.]

I know you're here, Asako. Come out from under the pew.

[sawthelockdown]

[Sound does not carry well in the cathedral.

... So what was that "thunk" noise coming from one of the pews near the middle of the room?


Yep. Somebody tried to scramble out too quickly and thunked her head. Whoops.]

[crouching_sin]

[He heads over towards the middle of the room, looking around for tiny overlords.]

Asako. Come out here.

[He doesn't sound mad, at least?]

[sawthelockdown]

[After a few moments, she does manage to crawl out from under the pew without injuring herself any further. She looks very much like she has already paid for her foolishness.

(Well, with that headache...)]

Uh...Hi.

[crouching_sin]

[He crouches down and holds out a hand to her.]

... Do you really think of yourself as a lousy sister? Because that is completely untrue.

[sawthelockdown]

T-thanks.

[Ugh, ow. She manages to stand up with Naoya's help.]

...Mm...maybe. It's pretty difficult to think otherwise when comparing oneself to, well, you. 'Sides, I kind of left things undone, back home.

[crouching_sin]

You shouldn't. I have memories going back over fifty five hundred years. You have memories going back seventeen, if that. We're not in the same category.

[... He guides her to sit on one of the pews, and he sits on the one in front of her, turning around to rest his arms on the back of it.]

As for things left undone? You'll get to them.

[He sighs a little, and hunches his shoulders a bit.]

The me in your universe is very lucky to have you.

[sawthelockdown]

And...admittedly, most of those memories are of being in a hospital.

[Also the visions which make no sense when you are three.]

The world ended, though. I won't - I did it for nothing if that's the case.

[She looks up at the oth-- at Naoya, looking kind of like a lost puppy for a moment. She's surprisingly good at that. She then looks back down at the ground, at her hands.]

...I hope he thinks so himself, considering how much trouble I've been.

[crouching_sin]

Despite reports, I don't think our worlds are gone. If that were so - if everything were dead - my curse would be broken, wouldn't it? He would be dead.

[Or, more terrifyingly, killing God won't break his curse. ... He tries not to think about that.]

Trust me. He's had worse. You're no trouble at all.

[sawthelockdown]

Mrrrr.

[That actually hadn't occurred to her. Unless...] Unless the admins ARE God, in which case we're doomed.

[crouching_sin]

I doubt that's the case.

[Because just. No.]

[sawthelockdown]

It makes sense, though! Assuming the worlds actually ARE destroyed - all of them - then your curse should've broken the moment you woke up here. Since it isn't broken, that means the admins must be God! That, or whoever employs the admins is God.

[Naoya, welcome to Asako logic.]

[crouching_sin]

... I think it's better to work under the assumption that they are not.

[Because that is both less depressing and actually an outcome he can think of how to fix.]

[sawthelockdown]

Awww, but thinking about it is so much fun! After all, if it's true, I just have to kill the admins and their employers and all the birds will be killed with one stone!

[:D]

[crouching_sin]

... While entertaining, I don't think that will fix it.

[Forehead flick go!]

[sawthelockdown]

[Blah! Now she just looks sulky, but...at least she isn't talking mad things now.]

Fine, fine.