animus_network

[Sollux stops and stares]

Holy fucking shit, what the fuck ith thith?

[He has never seen anything so blatant in his entire life. She's never even seen him, and she wants to jump him so badly she's trying to break into his respite block with her pail handy?

He stomps over to her, carefully not looking too hard at the bucket on the floor, even as he points at it with one clawed finger]

Jeguth put that away! You're dithguthting!

[She turns and looks at him. This is the person she's been arguing with? She stops trying to pick the lock] I bet you I could get the slime, I don't take well to being wrong. Also those glasses are super lame.

[Put what away? She looks down to check the shirt she's wearing. Nope, she's secure] What the hell are you talking about?

[He's still looking anywhere but at the floor, blushing a sickly mustard yellow under the grey of his skin]

You brought a bucket to my room? Theriouthly? Moving a little fatht, aren't you?! And I thought you thaid I wath too young for you! Not to mention the fact that I'm fucking taken, jeguth!

It's just a bucket! Chill out, it's not going to hurt you. Frankly I don't care what kind of bucket induced trauma you experienced as a kid. It's weird.

[But a perfect way of torture! She's sticking that bucket in your face.]

[It's not traumatic, but this is the equivalent of sticking a used dildo in the face of a thirteen year old and wiggling it around. He shrieks with horror and smacks it away with a burst of his powers, his eyes cracking red and blue as the pail is sent skipping down the hall several feet.

He can't handle this. At all. He's holding his stomach with the effort of holding back a fit of nervous giggles]

That ith the motht dithguthting thing I have ever theen!

What the fuck is wrong with you?! [she backs up just one step]

[Leaning against the wall and starting to laugh. Humans don't use pails, he has a vague memory of that. And he's sort of just helplessly giggling at this whole ridiculous conversation, himself, and everything in general]

Trolls...only uthe pailth... in thekth. What are you...carrying one around for?

[He's struggling to get the words out through the laughter]

[Hold up, let her translate that into non-lisp speak] How the hell do you use buckets for sex? That doesn't even make sense! I told you, I bet I could get the slime, I needed something to carry it in. [she drops the bucket] This is so gross.

[He just slides down the wall to sit and laughs until yellow tears come out of his eyes.]

Uthing a pail...to carry thlime? Gog, what ith... wrong with... humanth?

What's so funny!

[Finally he manages to get ahold of himself. He gets to his feet, shaking his head]

You wouldn't think it wath funny if I came to your rethpite block waving around whatever thing humanth uthe to hold their genetic material? Come on.

[He pulls out his key and moves to unlock the door] Come in, but leave the pail outthide. I don't want to look at it. Tho fucking awkward.

[She raises an eyebrow at him] Holds your genetic material? I'm not even going to ask how buckets are like condoms, nope, I don't want to know.

[She pushes the bucket away from the door with her foot. She never wants to see another bucket again, but once she steps inside she has another concern]

What the hell is that? [why are recuperacoons a thing]

Good, becauthe I'm not making thingth even more awkward by trying to ekthplain it. That ith not a converthation we're having. Ever.

[The huge, upright, two-sided 'coon is sitting next to his sleeping rectangle, filled with red and blue sopor slime. In another corner is a small bee hive, purple bees buzzing around it lazily.]

That'th my recuperacoon, filled with thopor thlime. It'th where I'm going to thleep tonight.

[He gives it a pat] You want to try it?

[A six year old just invited her into her bed which is actually a cocoon filled with slime. She's crazy. She's in a mental hospital and this isn't actually happening.]

Are you crazy? No, I do not want to try it!

[Shrug] Your lothh. It really maketh you thleep deeply. Not like thethe weird thingth. [He aims a light kick at the bed.] Too thoft and open to the air. And no thoporiffic qualitieth at all.

[sarcastically] Yeah you must run though like five pillows a week because you've maimed them with those ridiculous horns on your head. Why not live in a cocoon full of slime that puts you to sleep?

No kidding! Thethe thtupid thingth are tho fucking uthelethh! [He gestures at a pillow contemptuously.] No wonder you humanth are tho thoft and thquishy, though. If thith ith how you live.

Sweetie, I meant your horns are stupid, the pillow is fine, the pillow is normal. And there's nothing wrong with having a soft body.

[His red and blue eyes narrow at her] What'th thtupid about my hornth?

The fact you have them.

[Blinks slowly] Are you thaying that hornth are thtupid? Any amount of hornth? Ith that actually what you're thaying to me?

Yes. Any amount of horns are stupid.

Wow. You really are a bitch.

[He lifts her up into the air with his powers]

There's nothing wrong with being a- [and then she is lifted] Hey! Put me down! Let me down right now!

It'th not tho much that you're a bitch.

[He doesn't even seem that mad. Actually, he's grinning, and it's suddenly obvious that he has a double mouthful of very sharp teeth]

It'th that you're a thtupid bitch. It'th like you're doing it on purpothe. Tho I guethh I'm jutht here to give you what you're obviouthly angling for.

[And he dumps her in the recuperacoon.]

[Action] Oh my god.

[Action] bound to happen

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