animus_network | [004 ★ text]

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[004 ★ text]

You know what, I am so sick of this. Completely sick of this!! And look at me, repeating myself and using multiple exclamation points (two!) like a rebel. Because I am a rebel!

I'm tired of all these embarrassing personal incidents. When they aren't embarrassing, they're deeply horrifying and disturbing. I just want regular old test taking anxiety again! I want worrying about whether Anya is going to ask Giles if he has a new orgasm friend yet in public! And all that demon stuff, even that was familiar.

But here it's like, oh, here's that troll kid I'm friends with and he got his arm torn off. Here's me turning myself into a troll and going creepy stalker over Aradia. (Which by the way, oh Goddess am I sorry for and eternally mortified about.) Or here's me picking up the bloody scraps of the clothes of the double of someone I'm friends with!

And don't tell me I'm using too many of's there, I told you I'm a rebel today! I just want my test taking anxiety back, darn it. I'd even take worrying over when I'm going back to college, and that was a lot of worrying.

... Okay, whining done. End whining. In other news, who's still having wacky collar-induced sickness and power-tampering shenanigans? Cause frankly I'm finding this really worrying and I want to get to the bottom of this.

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I'm okay, I just had to vent; I haven't had my collar adjusted or anything. But I would never say no to cuddling, either.

There's just been a lot of stuff going on lately.

yeah there shore has
i havvent had my collar changed either but im nervvous
sols not feelin good so i saww anywway though he hasnt said anythin to me directly
it alwways seems like stuff is happenin

I saw that he wasn't feeling well, but I think he was going to stay with the other Sollux and their ancestor, so he should be alright. I'm just glad you're okay, too.

But even aside from this there's just been... a lot. As I ranted about. I even cursed someone recently, which wow, I haven't done that in a long time.

yeah i saww that too
you cursed someone on purpose?
wwho wwas it?

I should tell you the whole story.

I don't know if you've run into him, but there's another Eridan around, a green one that's a lot younger than you. And he's kinda nervous and cute, like if you had a little brother who was super intimidated by me. Anyway, I ran into him a couple weeks ago, and...

Dualscar had torn his arm off and left him to bleed out. I healed him a little when I found him, but he ran off, and I was just so mad. I've seen a lot, but seeing someone I knew without an arm-- and he's just a kid... So, I sorta cursed Dualscar to have empathy for everyone else for a day, with a side order of bad pick up lines because I was feeling malicious.

I don't want to actually fight him, but I just couldn't contain myself.

Edited 2012-03-18 06:19 (UTC)

oh
wwell
that sounds pretty good actually
i dont knoww wwhy youre feelin guilty

Well... I don't feel guilty. Not that I did that to him-- he deserves way worse.

I just don't like how easy it was. I don't want to go back to being that person that uses magic to solve everything. I don't like who that is.

i dont see wwhy its so bad to use a tool for wwhat its for
magic is there to be used so do it i say
especially wwhen it comes to teachin lessons to fuckin sevven foot angry trolls wwith big guns an attitude

You have a point-- a good point-- about that second part. But remember what I was like after I fought the Grand Highblood? If I use too much magic, I start turning into that person, all the time. It's too powerful. I start using my magic to fix everything, even the things I shouldn't be fixing. I used it on my friends when they disagreed with me.

I'm not anywhere near that now, but it just... freaks me out, thinking of it. I can't tell when I'm doing the right thing or not, on my own.

oh wwell okay i can see wwe wwant to keep you awway from interferin wwith your friends
i hope you dont mind wwhen i disagree wwith you wwhichll probably havve to happen on occasion

No, I want you to disagree with me! Not want to want to, I mean, but I want you to if it comes up. I need you to keep me on track, you and Xander. I trust you.

Wwell, good.
I mean, so long as you don't mind then I'm sure it's fine.

I know it'll be fine as long as you're there. Even if we argue over something, you know I'll forgive you, right? You've probably noticed that I'm not so good at letting anyone go. You don't need to worry.

im not wworried
but i hope thats true since i havve a problem lettin go too

No letting go will be necessary, I promise. Don't give it a thought.

I am one stubborn lady and you're just stuck with me, whatever happens. It's not conditional.

wwere stuck on each other like limpets then!

Or barnacles. Also an attractive analogy, yet still sea-related.

yeah fuckin barnacles is the perfect analogy
i approvve

Barnacles it is.

So if I invite you to a party Aradia and I are throwing, you're going to come, right? As my barnacle it wouldn't be right if you weren't there.

a party wwith the luminesce
uh sure i wwouldnt miss it especially as your barnacle
wwhat kind a party?

Pretty sure she'd be happy if you just called her Aradia, since she isn't really the Empress where she's from.

A friendship affirmation party! We were talking about how sometimes you need to take time out and do friend things instead of latest-horrifying-crisis things. So we're gonna invite lots of people.

i knoww she told me to call her aradia
but i dont knoww if i reely can it makes me nervvous

oh
wwell that sounds like fun yeah
wwho else is comin?

Don't be nervous! Even if she were the Empress, you're worth just as much as her. More, to me. Maybe try to think of her as a different person entirely?

Whoever I can rope into it, probably. So Buffy and Xander and Dawn, and both Solluxes, and Link will probably come, too. Oh, and I told other you to come and to bring his Feferi. The one here is his moirail, and even though she seemed a little crazy I thought I should give her another chance.

yeah ivve been tryin but i dont knoww its hard
its like a mental block i just see a rustblood and it freaks me out
but its okay wwill really ill push through it

wwait buffy's here?
i havvent met her oh my cod does she like me?

that fakey fake fef is reel fuckin crazy wwill

I know you will, it's okay. I know how strong you are. I'm just glad you don't get that reaction around me, I guess cause I'm a wacky alien?

She's here but I haven't seen her since she arrived. I didn't get a chance to tell her about you because she was still adjusting to the tower and everything, so I... don't know if she's still around. I'm hoping. But I'm sure she'd like you, she's a really good friend.

Oh, and I need to tell you. I haven't told Dawn about us yet, either, but that's because she's from before Tara died, and they were really close, and if I tell her about you I have to tell her about her, and. I don't know if I can do that on my own. I think I need to recruit Xander. But I'm not trying to hide you, I promise! Please don't think that.

She seemed that way to me, too, but. Well. He's going to be around, and that's what moirails are for, right? Also I've been thinking of putting an anti-violence ward around whatever room we use for the party, just temporarily. It'd make me feel better.

LOL it's okay, Liz can handle the tragedy of an extra notif xD

My layout is weird XD;;;

i'm constantly accidentally friending or banning people, i understand

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[private] omg sudden tl;dr again. idk how you put up with her. XD