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[reddeadvirtuoso]

is it too much to ask for a little fanfare for the end of the universe?
i mean come on im out there busting my ass to do damage to an oversized electronic that a two year old could do with gravity a hard floor and fifteen seconds of irresponsible parenting
the least i could get is some fucking fireworks when the universe ejects you from existence!
but fine whatever
first order of business
who the fuck took my shovel?
you give me my gun and my rad pjs and you dont give me my shovel thats stupid
second order of business dont step on the black globs
it sucks and its stupid
third order of business dont eat the eggs here theyre fucking nasty
like seriously poultry doesnt even come in that color
maybe they made it from the black globs

Comments

[text]

[reddeadvirtuoso]

not for gardening
for shoveling dead doomed selves
rule number one of a wannabe time lord always have a shovel on hand!
never know when youre gonna fuck up the timeline and look at yourself bleeding on the ground

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[alephbet]

Doesn't sound pleasant. I've never messed with time magic so I couldn't say from experience.

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[reddeadvirtuoso]

tl;dr it sucks
it was kind of supposed to be my shtick but i was fuck all horrible at it
turns out theres a bunch of rules about time loops and and multiple timelines you have to obey
i wouldnt recommend it unless youre bizarrely masochistic

[text]

[alephbet]

I'm not, so thanks for the advice.

I'm Aleph. I just got here today.

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[reddeadvirtuoso]

names jade strider
ditto on the new arrival thing
so i cant give you much advice beyond avoiding blobs eggs and suspicious promises of time travel

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[alephbet]

Nice to meet you. Suspicious promises are pretty much a bad idea wherever you go.

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[reddeadvirtuoso]

yeah i typically make it my policy to not trust mysterious cryptic and oddly welcoming strangers
especially not if they promise candy and stand in front of a white van

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[alephbet]

I don't think Lucifer ever promised me candy. Beer, probably at one point.

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[reddeadvirtuoso]

equally applicable warning label
though probably more enjoyable if you actually get your hands on it

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[alephbet]

Now that I think about it, it was excellent beer.

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[reddeadvirtuoso]

see theres always a plus side to these things >:]
and you actually got your booze i didnt get any sweet delicious candy or anything
though i did get some cool pajamas out of the deal
i didnt get booze either but thatd probably be illegal anyway

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[alephbet]

You could probably find someone here who doesn't care about legality to give you suspicious drinks. Not that I am one of these people.

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[reddeadvirtuoso]

aw dont be a party pooper now
come on bro hook a kid up
its already the end of the world, do drinking laws even still apply?

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[alephbet]

I don't have anything on me anyway. It doesn't really matter.

[text]

[reddeadvirtuoso]

laaaame
this place seems like the kind of place where a lot of folks would appreciate that kind of thing you know?
dont think i saw a bar around here though

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[alephbet]

I checked. There's a restaurant, but no bar.

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[reddeadvirtuoso]

the people that make this place dont really know the essentials of society do they?
i saw that restaurant
fishy as fuck to tell me and not just because they probably have rotten sushi tucked away somewhere

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[alephbet]

You can't have a place where anybody lives and not include a bar. It's a disgrace.

[text]

[reddeadvirtuoso]

exactly see youve got it
maybe the guys that run this place are just some kind of hardcore religious prohibitionists
booze is a sin and all that w/e

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[alephbet]

Oh, I bet they won't like me much then.

[text]

[reddeadvirtuoso]

dont worry theyll hate me too
too mouthy and too much cussing and underaged drinking jokes
plus i intend to pop a cap in their asses asap

[text]

[alephbet]

I mostly go in for the heresy, the drinking, and the popping a cap in their asses.

[text]

[reddeadvirtuoso]

hahah sounds like my kind of party
well go in and bust their asses with little cross shaped bullets
and drink booze over their corpses in victory

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[alephbet]

Perfect, it's a plan. Part one, we need to acquire some drinks.

[text]

[reddeadvirtuoso]

part two shrinkify some crosses
think your buddy lucifers around here and would be willing to spot us some miracle juice?