005 ♑ [fifth honk]

[hystericull]

A BrOtHeR AiN'T TrYiN To gEt hIs hArSh aLl oN OvEr nOtHiNg sMaLl oR NoThIn
ExCePt tHiS MoThErFuCkIn nOiSe iS Up aNd gOiN FrOm sMaLl sPuDs tO FuCkInG SHIT.
IN LESS MOTHERFUCKING TIME THAN IT TAKES THE FUCKIN OPTIMISTIFFS IN THIS JOINT.
to all let fly from their.
MOTHERFUCKING TRAPS.
about how all it's gonna be gettin.
SO MUCH MOTHERFUCKING.
bEtTeR
BuT It dOn't gEt bEtTeR, mY BrOtHeRs aNd bItChEs
It aIn't nEvEr gOnNa gEt nO BeTtEr
No mAtTeR HoW MuCh sPaRkLy fLuFfY NoIsE AnY OnE MoThErFuCkEr's gOnNa wAnNa pUkE AlL OvEr tHe
MOTHERFUCKING.
truth.

ThEy tAkE A BrOtHeR AnD CuT HiM ThE FuCk oPeN
ShOvE ShIt iN HiM WhAt's nOt nEvEr sUpPoSeD To aLl bEiNg iNsIdE
CrEeP AnD CrAwL AlL Up iN HiS FrIeD OuT PaN LiKe iT AiN'T BeEn bLoWn tO BiTs aLrEaDy
MaKe hIm gEt aLl uP In tHe hArShEsT BuSiNeSs wItH HiS ReSpItEbLoCkBrOs
SpEnD HiS SlEePtImE In tHe hAlLs wHeRe hE CaN'T GeT No mOtHeRfUcKiNg sHuTeYe
RiP ThEm gOoD BrOs hE Be aLl sPlItTiN ThIs mOtHeRfUcKiN ShItHoLe wItH FrOm hIm
MaKe tHeM GoNe fOrEvEr
without saying MOTHERFUCKING GOOD bye.
GiVe iN HiM SoMe WICKED MOTHERFUCKING URGES.
that he all ain't never been to feeling before.
MAKE HIM QUESTION his.
mother.
FUCKING SELF.

WhO ArE YoU, mOtHeRfUcKeR?

HaHa
HAHA.
haha.
HONK.
honk.
HONK.
honk.

WHO THE MOTHER FUCK AM I?

Comments

[hystericull]

But you... you don't you... you don...

[Gamzee slowly quieted at Tavros' gentle urging, staring at him with those big, confused eyes. He hardly had any mental capacity to process what was going on. He just kept running his mouth and moving his body as it damn well pleased. Where was Gamzee Makara right now? The answer was anywhere but here.]

[And yet, he was more "here" than he ever was before. Every emotion he was feeling (no matter how emphasized or blown out of proportion it was) was front and center, on full display. No fidgeting, no drugging, no forgetting. Not that Gamzee ever really purposefully tried hiding his emotions at any point in time. He was always one-hundred-percent open about how he was feeling on any situation, whether the other person wanted to hear it or not. It was just... sometimes, just sometimes, back when he was his old self, when he was high, there would be a moment where he'd fidget. Or laugh. Or do something equally dismissive that was nigh imperceptible to the point he probably wasn't even aware he was doing it. He didn't even know he'd been having those emotions. These emotions.]

[It was so hard and he didn't deserve it, but Tavros was pulling him into him and he was so tired and emotional but numb at the same time, he just tucked his head against Tavros', bringing his arms up between them and pressing them against the boy's chest. He curled as tightly as he could, trying not to pass out from his blood pusher that had decided to go fucking bonkers again. Shut up, shut up stupid thing!! What if Tavros heard it and didn't want to hold him anymore!?]

[Oh, God, Tavros was holding him that sure was a thing that was happening right now wasn't it ohhh, oh man he was nuzzling against his face. He was so warm. Gamzee always had ice running through his veins. Was always cold, never warm. He curled tighter, sinking into Tavros and stealing as much of that warmth as he could, setting his forehead in the crook between his neck and shoulder, arms and legs drawn up, folded inside Tavros' arms.]

Okay...

[It was barely a whisper, barely a squeak. This isn't how he'd wanted it to happen. Whatever "it" was. He wanted their roles to be reversed. He wanted to sweep Tavros off of his feet, hold him close, do everything for him and right any wrong that even dared to breathe in his direction. That was so far from anything that was happening right now that he wanted to be sick over it.]

Better. Me and you.

You and me...

[pushedaround]

Just you and me ...

[ He repeated softly, settling further back into the couch, one arm firmly secured around the highblood's form, and the other remained, so he can freely continue running his fingers through his hair. In gentle, soothing strokes. Occasionally he would scratch on his scalp while he's at it, and maybe -out of curiosity- he'd rub his thumb over the base of Gamzee's horn.

He keeps his touch fairly delicate, trying to offer Gamzee a sense of affection and acceptance. The highblood feared rejection, and it was never Tavros intention to reflect such negativity. He knew his words didn't reach him, or some of them, since Gamzee was in no shape or form to think right now. So, he figured- if he couldn't reach out to him with words, maybe Gamzee will be more responsive to actions. Maybe if he held him close to his chest, and allowed him to get a good feel and an earful of his blood pusher's rapid beats ... maybe then Gamzee would understand.

All he could see is red. Red everywhere. Tavros almost felt guilty for relishing the intoxicating sensation of Gamzee's body against his and the way he was all curled up against him, with his head on his shoulder. Skin to skin. The feel of his hair between his fingers-- everything.

Everything felt perfect.

Well- almost. He couldn't forget that his beloved highblood is in great agony. He'd gone through so much. He didn't deserve this. His brother, who looked out for him all those sweeps, deserved all the good things in this pathetic world. He would do anything to see the smile on his face again. Anything.

Tavros didn't even notice that he had stopped all his movements, and is now holding the other -with both arms- as if his life was depending on it. His head resting on top of Gamzee's, eyes barely open, his vision all half-blurred as he stared dully at the giant screen before them. He stayed quiet; gently rocking their bodies together.

He wanted the pain to go away.

No more pain. His brother had enough ... ]

[hystericull]

[Gamzee shifted as Tavros did, seating himself between his legs, side snuggled up against the boy's belly, face turned up into his throat. He could feel the rapid beat of Tavros' hot pulse against his nose, so he wiggled himself closer, pressing his forehead and the bridge of his nose into the steady rhythm.]

[He couldn't say anything. This was all too... he didn't know what it was. Surreal? Wrong? Right? It was probably a dream. Another dream. Always a dream. He couldn't distinguish between real life and dreams anymore. Pretty soon he'd rouse, tucked into himself on the floor of the hallway. It was so fucking cold out there. He'd close his eyes and will himself back to sleep. Sometimes it worked, sometimes not, but whenever people started creeping back out into the Tower, signifying the start of another day, it felt as if he hadn't slept a wink.]

[And he'd dreamed this dream so many times, it was almost routine. Except, well, the situation was never this bizarre. He'd never acted this way, even for a dream. Tavros had never acted this way. But they'd always ended up close, arms around each other, and it had always ended with Gamzee feeling exactly how he did now, even if he didn't feel quite himself to begin with.]

[Gamzee inhaled slowly, taking in Tavros' scent, letting it flood him with relief, and that old, familiar feeling he'd always felt when he'd smelled him. That intoxicating high of adoration, blinding and almost overwhelming, now that he was this close to him. The soft dragging motions across his scalp lulled his eyes back down. The thumb against his horn caused his fingers to curl in Tavros' jacket, make a quiet noise against his neck. The touch was so intimate, so full of confusing connotations. He was limp in his hold, never wanting to wake up, but at the same time, willing himself to. If this was a dream, he could do anything he wanted. Say anything he wanted. But he didn't want to exploit his dream, not this time. He couldn't even think of anything he'd say that he hadn't said a thousand times before in his head. There was one thing he'd never said, however. One thing he didn't ever feel a need to have to say to Tavros, dream or otherwise.]

I'm so sorry.

[pushedaround]

[ He was nodding off by the time Gamzee started moving again, and he snapped out of it, smiling a little as the highblood settled into a nice, comfortable posture. Yes, perfect. It was a lot easier to hold into him, maybe get a good feel as he guided his fingers along Gamzee's back and shoulders, gently kneading in hope of easing some of the tension in his muscles. Nice and slow.

Now that he felt it was appropriate to allow his hands to wander, he noted the evident weight loss, it wasn't as drastic (yet) but certainly noticeable. Is ... he not eating well? That is most-likely the case, and it is expected given the circumstances. Tavros made such a bitter face, but he refrained from saying anything in regard to the subject. It's not that he was mad at Gamzee. No, never! He was mad at himself for not noticing sooner. For neglecting him.

And then ... he was apologizing.

It was the last thing he wanted to hear from Gamzee. Ever. He had no reason to apologize! He was out there struggling, and Tavros didn't even fucking notice. If that wasn't bad enough, he had to contribute to the stress factor by making the highblood feel rejected numerous times. Tavros didn't want to pity himself and allow that feel of guilt to paralyze him again- but it was so fucking hard when he was holding this frail body between his arms, feeling the pain run through his veins, and now discovering that he had been taking all the blame on himself.

Tavros stayed silent for a few seconds before he pulled his head away. Oh, he didn't break the embrace, but he moved in a way that allowed him to somewhat cradle the highblood in his arms, and so- it was a lot easier for him to lean down and nuzzle into his cheek again and maybe ... leave a small kiss here and there. If he's allowed, that is. ]

Don't apologize.

If anyone needs to apologize, that would be me. Okay?

[ He swallowed thickly, but stayed fairly close, pressing his face against Gamzee's cheek once again as he held him. ]

[hystericull]

[It was impossible not to let a small shiver run down his spine at the touch. He had never, ever had someone touch him like this. Ever. And for it to be Tavros doing it? He was sure he was asleep, or knocked out somewhere, or dead. Or in another one of those hideous experiments. It didn't matter what the case was, Gamzee was reduced to a quiet, astonished heap of bones under the careful tread of Tavros' fingers. The thudding his heart was doing was actually getting quite uncomfortable, now. It hammered and hammered away at his chest, and he could slowly feel what little scrap of control he'd managed to hang on to slipping away again.]

[Was this really Tavros, holding him like this? Was this really his Tavros' hands running over him? The boy he'd pestered endlessly? Stared at from across the room for an amount of time that was far longer than appropriate? Wheeled around and tended to every moment he was needed like an obedient, adoring barkbeast? Was it the boy with the lips he longed to feel against his own, pressing his mouth against his face like this? So close, so close...]

[So close, he was kissing him. His lips were a soft, intense heat against his face. He also spoke, something important, Gamzee was sure, but he just couldn't understand. Those lips were moving, so close to him. They were back against his cheek. He wasn't the jumbled mess of nerves like he was the first time. He was sure this wasn't real. He was in complete disbelief, a slow, languid shock that left him speechless and lost in a sleepy, liquid warmth. He turned his head, shifted his face so carefully, so slightly, running his cool lips against the dimple of Tavros' cheek, coming to rest feather-light on the corner of his mouth.]

[pushedaround]

[ That intoxicating feeling strikes again. Tavros didn't even notice the smitten smile on his face, with his lashes low and- jeez, he looked like all his blood had centered on his face and all the way to the tip of his ears. Tavros was getting all worked up over the mere touch of those lips over his skin, relishing the warmth consuming his body in a wave of blissful sensation. The hand on Gamzee's back was no longer caressing him, instead gripping firmly into the fabric of his shirt, keeping him close.

The temptation was far too high and- to be quite honest, Tavros is not putting a fight. Gamzee is so precious; half-asleep and not really aware of what's going on. He is simply embracing all the attention he can get and- god it only made Tavros want to creep on him some more. He wanted to kiss every single inch of his face, squeeze that slim body and just- lay down with him until the tower nightmare ends.

Just one tiny kiss. He's allowed, right? Maybe if he's careful enough, he wouldn't alarm the highblood. He was so peaceful, and finally getting some proper rest, which is why he feared that he might ruin it with his selfish curiosity. But- looking at Gamzee right now, and how acceptant he is to his advances; it was so difficult to back off. He ... didn't want to back off to be completely truthful! Shameless, but true. It was almost hopeless to make any wise choices right now, not when he was far too deep in savoring this rare intimacy. It was strange, but he felt like he could get away with so many things and a small part of him just wanted to take advantage of it like a total ass, but-

Oh, he couldn't do that.

He could, however, turn his head to Gamzee's direction, meeting him half-way and ... well, it wasn't that difficult to get a good feel of those lips with his own. Briefly, gently. He's not going to linger; he just wanted ... he just wanted to know how its feels like to kiss him.

Wait- is he doing this right? Um. Maybe he should ... roll his head to the side a little, add more pressure into it? Or- perhaps he should keep his mouth slightly open. No! That's way too intimate!!! Retreat retreat!

Ok, uhhhhh ... keeping it simple. Just a little kiss on the lips, that's all. ]

[hystericull]

[Gamzee was lost the moment he felt Tavros' fingers tighten fast around the back of his shirt. Tavros had said that he wouldn't have moved away if he'd known Gamzee was intent on kissing him, right? He said that, so... so this would be okay. Right? This wasn't another thing that he thought would turn out, but ended up failing miserably?]

[He was so close he couldn't even breathe anymore. He was content to be held, he felt safe here, and warm, and things he hadn't felt for a very long time. It was almost worth the price of all of the mental and physical trauma. He could... actually say it was worth it, if you asked him right then, wrapped up, loved and protected. He was a killer. He was ruthless and angry and fucked up, but he was laying here like a helpless grub, completely crippled by his flushed feelings. His eyes were sleepy but focused as they searched for any indication that it was okay to continue. To go where he so desperately wanted to, but was afraid to venture again.]

[The decision was made for him when Tavros turned his own head, only the slightest shift necessary, sliding their lips together in a tentative brush. This was enough to send Gamzee's heart and pan into a full-blown BSOD. Both of them went into overdrive - reeling and racing and simultaneously shorting out all at once. He would not let this pass him by. Couldn't. The hand that was tangled in Tavros' shirt skirted up as Gamzee returned the kiss - putting a little more pressure behind it than Tavros had done with his initiation.]

[He'd never felt anything like it before in his life. He'd never ever kissed anyone before. It was an oddly wonderful feeling. Tavros' face was warm, his hands were warm, but his lips were warmer. Like they'd been when they were pressed to his face earlier. The surprise of it made Gamzee's eyes widen a little behind closed lids. If Tavros didn't want to turn his head, Gamzee would do it. Tilting to the side ever so slightly allowed him to kiss him without fear of bopping noses or foreheads.]

[And Gamzee kissed him. For the first time. And the second time. And the third time. And, oh, god, he couldn't stop. If Tavros objected to this, he'd surely push him off, right? It was becoming hard to care, at this point. His mouth was so soft and unlike anything he'd felt before. He wanted to keep tasting it, kiss after kiss, until he was parting his lips further, drinking in the warmth and the moisture and searching out more of the taste of him with his tongue, slowly pushing forward as his fingers found themselves tangling in the hair at the nape of Tavros' neck.]

[pushedaround]

[ You know. Being inexperienced, young and eager are the worst combinations for this specific scenario. Or the best, he's not entirely sure. You see, Tavros is no longer thinking. He is merely moving and reacting solely on instinct. When Gamzee started kissing him over and over again, he didn't really stop and consider whether it was one of his best life choices or not. No, he was avidly returning every single advance and responding with an equal intensity, trying to match up and hold his place.

He's not backing away. Not anytime soon. He was kind of unfortunate ( or fortunate? ) to experience the feel of being kissed a while back, but it's not even worth the comparison to what he's feeling right now. Every single shred of uncertainty that lingered at the back of his mind had been wiped out the minute Gamzee returned the kiss. He had never been more confident, and he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his remaining time in the tower attached to this highblood, smothering him with sickening affection and adoration. He was overwhelmed with a sudden craving to take in any attention given to him, even if it was a simple pat on the shoulder or a casual hug. He just wanted to attach himself to his side and never fucking leave. Tavros can be pathetic that way, or maybe he's just so hideously smitten that he couldn't possibly think of anything else that didn't involve Gamzee in his future daily activities. God, he didn't know what to do with himself! He wants everything, and he wants it now and his hands-

- held into Gamzee like he was some kind of possession of his. Maybe, in the back of his mind, he wanted to pretend -maybe for a few minutes- that he belonged to him. He didn't know it was possible to be creeped out by your own trace of thoughts, but that didn't stop an amused, yet questionable smile as he moved in for another kiss. If the highblood is that willing, then he'll just have to take in what he can get.

Tavros, regardless of everything, was still trying to be considerate and not urge Gamzee into doing something he's not comfortable with, settling for little kisses here and there. Attempting to sooth him into a much-needed rest, making sure he's all curled up comfortably between his arms in case he fell asleep. It was all nice and smooth- that is until he felt his tongue slipping inside his mouth and-

To be honest, he only noticed after he had, subconsciously, parted his lips and their making out session was no longer considered 'adorable'. Not that it was before since he was basically creeping on a half-asleep heap of emotional mess, but- you know. Still, he's not going to fight this at all! It was just enough boost to get his curiosity rolling again, and his tongue was soon matching with Gamzee's. Inexperienced, but the enthusiasm was rather evident as their lip-lock turned into one sloppy mess. ]