[The screen flickers on, and a very confused face appears. He's right up at the screen, squinting and trying to figure out if he's making this work properly.]

Umm... hello? Is anybody there? I've been captured again! I hope it's not by England, because then he's going to feed me disgusting food. I don't want disgusting food! Or what if it's somebody else who makes even worse food...

[He tugs at the violet collar around his neck.]

What if they've captured me and want to make me their pet? Dog food doesn't taste nice. I tried it once and it made me ill all day.

[His odd curl seems to be upside down, and tears are starting to form at his eyes. He starts to look around.]

Wait a second.

I came to the library, saw these computers here, and out of curiosity’s sake tried to get the internet only to realize there isn’t one.

No yahoo. No Facebook. …WHAT AM I GOING TO WITHOUT FARMVILLE? MY CROPS ARE WITHERING AND YOU COULDN’T CARE LESS!!!

My virtual pets are going to get all dirty and pack up house to go over to one of my neighbors. My Sims are going to grow as weary and depressed as some of the folk I’ve passed in the halls here—and certainly that silver haired guy I’m rooming with. Wow. Talk about needing a little passive to mute out the aggressive! Swore he was staring daggers at me one night as I lay in bed.

Never. Again.

Oh.

I guess hearing that the world didn’t explode would be a perk of having a functioning social networking site, sure. Even CNN would’a been nice.

Can someone help a guy out? Any techies? Come on please?