[There’s nothing but a boring background for a few minutes, then whiskers pop in from the side. A cat moves his face into the screen and starts walking over the keyboard.]

SQCOIKEBJ OIRE NOIEJGPOI B POEYGTKPH

[He plops down right in the middle and watches letters running across the screen. His head moves in the same direction. The letters aren’t stopping. He pokes at the growing line with his paw, meowing.]

BNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

[The feed turns on and look it's everyone's favorite narcissist, Eikichi Mishina.]

HOOOOOOOOO! Goooood morning, my little torre! I, the beautiful, amazing, talented Michel would like to make an announcement!

Today is July 27th, which means that it is Tachan's birthday!

And what a lucky man he is to have friends like me but especially me who has decided to prepare a little song for him! That's right kittens, as a reminder that now he's become even older at nineteen and shall continue to age each passing year. And what a celebration it will be! You, the tower, shall bare witness to this celebration as Michel takes the center stage, inspired by a popular song from our world.

I give you....Tatsuya's Vie de Loco!

[Oh my god Eikichi why are you bringing out a small musical tape and griming evilly and pressing play, the world does not need this...]

He's into track and field, hot bikes and and motorcycles.
I feel a premonition that guy's not as good as Michel.
He's into new sensations, new kicks in the candle light.
He's got a new addiction for every day and night.

He'll glare at you so hard you'll go dancing in the rain.
He'll make you live his crazy life but he's always such a pain
like a bullet to your brain. Come On!

Upside, inside out he's livin la vida loca
He'll push and pull you down, livin la vida loca
His hair is shit brown and his eyes the color mocha
He will wear you out livin la vida loca Come On!
Livin la vida loca, Come on!
He's livin la vida loca---

[While Eikichi is "singing", the sound of footsteps can faintly be heard to the right of the camera. They come closer and closer with each passing second, so it sounds less like walking and more like full blown running.

As soon as Eikichi is halfway through the song, the mystery person finally speaks. Or yells.]


YOU SON OF A-


WHAT THE F--




[Before crashing into him, a hand slamming onto the keyboard, cutting off the video feed.

It was a bit of a blur, but it looked like the birthday boy in question.

Happy birthday!!]

[When the feed turns on, the face of a teenaged girl shows up! The short-haired blonde, violet-eyed girl might seem familiar to some of you. In a vast contrast to her fierce arrival, she seems a bit... nervous?]

Ah, bonjour... my name is Ruler, and I have been here for a little over a week now. It may seem forward, but I... have a request.

[Whatever it is seems to be bothering her, because she hesitates for a few moments before she speaks up again. She sounds almost timid now.]

Are there any residents here with... teaching experience? N-Not training, I am quite capable in that area! I mean...

[Ugh, she has to just spit it out.] I require... reading lessons. Writing, too, if that is possible...

[And now she's just. Steeling herself! Ugh, being illiterate in this day and age must be so horrible...]